


Doki Doki Literature Club!: Crossing the Boundary

by 0bi



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, F/M, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Love, Love Confessions, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life, Wedding Rings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 12:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 50,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29874825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0bi/pseuds/0bi
Summary: A certain player creates a chat software to talk with Monika, as he desires to ask her something. No yuri, no horror, just romance for fragile people like me, who wish Monika to get her route. What if the player and Monika were reunited to be happy?...
Relationships: Monika & Protagonist (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Kudos: 2





	1. Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> I did not read much DDLC fanfics until now so it's probable someone already made a fanfic like this one. But still, I wanted to do it.  
> If by any means this story shares resemblance with another, it's only pure coincidence and not a retake.  
> Don't expect something amazing.
> 
> And since English is not my first language, I'm sorry if there are too many faults.
> 
> But if you enjoy this short story, I'll be happy to know it!

"I…did it…" I whispered.

My hands on the keyboard were shaking. I could feel sweat running down my back.

I had just achieved a software that would allow me to communicate with Monika.

* * *

Doki Doki Literature Club!.

When this game came out, I didn't pay it much attention. At this time, I was too focused on my daily routine.

On the social networks, I happened to see some comments and pictures but they never caught my attention.

And then. Six months after the game was released, I eventually gave it a try. I knew one of the girls would die, but I did not mind it and played it nonetheless.

I was not ready.

I was simply not ready for that experience… for the cruel destiny that awaited the members of the club, and for _that_ meeting with Monika.

Monika, the president of the club, who was aware she was a character in a game and me, a player from the real world.

Monika, who manipulated the game files, deleting or killing the other characters, to be the only one to remain with my avatar in a room, forever.

Monika who forgave me after I finally deleted her file and protected me from Sayori when the latter became the new president.

Monika who let go of me in the end because she loved me, a person she never met face to face, with whom she only talked through a screen with dialog lines.

Once I finished the game, I was disturbed. She was a fictional character. She was a 2D picture someone created, she was _not real._

But if that was the case, why did she sound so human and… sad?

She had done terrifying things in the name of love though she was a game character, aware of that fact. And yet… I couldn't come to hate her.

I wanted to know more. I wanted to talk to her again, and not in the game where the paths were already decided.

So.

With my modest programmer skills, I worked hard to create a software to talk to her.

It was not a masterpiece. It was a basic chat software with Monika's character file inserted inside. It was truly an amateur work, but I didn't need more than that. Besides, had I asked a skilled person to do such software, he would've called the police or told me to see a psychanalyst.

I myself did know that trying to talk with a fictional character whose lines were programmed was close to madness, but…

I was sure there was something different with Monika. Maybe, maybe her character file was different. Something like, a super advanced AI, like the ones depicted in the light novels about video games.

Maybe I could talk to her. Or maybe I'd end up talking to a robotic software on an ugly chat window.

Even with such doubts in my mind, I kept working and eventually achieved it.

* * *

Looking on at desktop, I noticed it was already 4am. Not that it mattered since I was on vacation.

My room was quite cramped, filled with bookshelves, my desk and bed were occupying almost all the available space.

The typical room of an introvert person who preferred books and games to the outside world.

Chasing these thoughts, I hesitantly stared at the chat window. It was waiting for me to type something. Nothing would begin unless I'd do so.

"So… what should I write?..." I murmured.

Talking to myself when I was alone was a bad habit I had, but as there was no one to hear me…

As I wanted to sound natural, I typed:

**"Hmm… Hello?"**

My line appeared in bold.

I wrote a hesitation on purpose, trying to make it sound as real as possible. Immediately, I felt dumb.

"It's so lame" I told myself, holding the urge of hitting my desk with my forehead.

_"Hello!"_

A line appeared on my screen. A simple answer in a simple italic font to make the difference between my lines and Monika's.

… Was it working? Not the software itself, but… was it really Monika, or an emotionless AI here?

Another line appeared, interrupting my thinking.

_"Is it you, player? Have you done something? It seems I don't have access to the game files…"_

I closed my eyes for a second.

It was the miracle I had hoped for. It was truly Monika. I could speak to her. She could speak to me.

I typed in a hurry:

**"Yes, it's me. I… created a software to talk to you, but I'm inexperienced… I'm so glad it worked though. But, how do you feel? What does it look like from your side? From mine, it's only a simple chat window…"**

A few seconds passed.

_"Actually, I'm in the club room. I'm the only one here, and it seems I can't get out, but in front of me, I too have a chat window. I don't see you or your avatar, but… maybe it's my imagination… I hear your voice. Not your avatar's. Yours. And… I like it! ^_^"_

I could picture Monika's smiling face in my mind and chuckled though she could not hear me.

**"I see. I'm glad. I was afraid you would be… alone in some kind of dark place, since I didn't create any background. I don't even know how to insert these. I guess they were in your file, after all."**

_"Yup!"_

**"And what are you wearing?"**

_"That's a really perverted question, player."_

**"I'm sorry."**

_"Hehe. I'm in my usual school uniform."_

I smiled but felt uneasy. I had no idea how to approach the subject I wanted to talk about.

_"By the way, player. Why did you do this?"_

Monika asked me suddenly. Before I could type an answer, she carried on:

_"I can't say I'm not glad to speak to you, but… I don't understand. Why would you go so far to talk to me? I'm the worst, after all. You finished the game and all the routes. You know that. I'm a murderer, an egoistic, manipulative girl. I don't deserve your kindness… or your love. Any sane person would've already forgotten me or talked bad about me on the social networks. I saw how people hate me from my Twitter account… so why?"_

Monika hit the bull's eye.

I shuddered. She was not… an AI. She truly was a real person. She could even observe the reality through a Twitter account she had created, lilmonix3.

Instead of answering her, I too asked her a question.

**"Why do you love me?"**

I immediately found my question too vague. My fingers ran through my keyboard as I worked out my question.

**"I mean… Love is a very deep, complex feeling. I myself don't know much about it. We don't even know each other for real, we're only interacting through lines of code. We're not in the same reality. You don't know how I look, what I like, who am I… and yet, you say you love me. Why?"**

I stared at the screen, waiting anxiously for Monika's answer to come.

_"If I answer your question, will you answer mine after?"_

**"Yes. I promise."** I replied.

_"I loved you at first sight because you were unique. You were the only one whose actions were not programmed, not like the others."_

Monika 'paused', then resumed. Even if we were talking with a basic chat software, it felt like a face to face conversation.

_"Of course, I questioned myself about that._ _I thought about the same things as you do. So, at first, I didn't pay it attention. But…"_

_"But I changed my mind little by little. I saw you, who at first were only here to date a cute girl in the club, trying to save everyone. Trying to cure Sayori's depression, Yuri's timidity and perturbed mind… and to help Natsuki whose father was violent."_

_"When I saw… This will, your will to save them… This will, that was not coded, not programed in this eternal, infinite loop… At this moment, I fell in love."_

When I read Monika's words, my heart throbbed. I could clearly picture her embarrassed face.

_"Yes, I don't know you. I don't know your face, I don't know your qualities and imperfections… But what touched me was your empathy and your kindness. I… saw someone kind enough to try to save someone in a video game. Someone with so much compassion he would spend his precious time to save coded personalities, 2D pictures with programmed dialogs. The first real person to come to me… was such a kind one."_

_"Even if you were only playing a game on your computer. Even if everything you did was making choices a program submitted to you, on an already defined path. You were trying again and again to save everyone, to get a happy end for everyone in the Literature Club."_

_"Even if you looked on a wiki to find all the endings, even if you knew how it was supposed to end, you played it, trying to find another way to save everyone. You loaded your saves, reinstalled the games countless times… hoping we, all together, could obtain a happy end."_

_"For all of these reasons, I loved you. No, I shouldn't put it to the past. I love you. I still love you. Because, in my reality, you are the only one with a soul. You are my savior. This is why I did everything I've done. I wanted you to fall in love with me the same way I fell for you. When I noticed you were choosing another girl, I was despaired. I did what I needed to so the two of us could be together. At any cost."_

_"But I'd do it again, and again, and again, if it would give me the slightest chance to spend time with you."_

After that, Monika went 'silent' and did not write anything else.

I silently reflected on what she just told me.

All my doubts about her being an AI or a software were gone.

I knew a lot of things about Monika excepted why she loved me. I didn't understand and wanted to know. That was the reason behind me creating this software.

No. I was lying to myself. There was something else I wanted. Something else…

My hands, cold because of inactivity, slowly began to type.

 **"When I first played the game, I chose Yuri…"** I confessed.

_"Oh…"_

Monika's answer was short and embarrassed.

**"At first, I liked Yuri. Well, at that time, I didn't know about the game… but when I completed it, I didn't come to hate you."**

_"What?..."_

I briefly smirked, trying to imagine a genuinely surprised Monika in my mind _ **.**_

**"I have to admit, I didn't have the patience to listen… to read all your lines when we were alone in that room, so I went on pastbin. But… I saw through your act in the end."**

**"I knew all of it was a façade. I understood how despaired, sad and alone you were, trapped in an eternal cycle. You acting cheerfully, smiling, jesting… it was all an act not to sink in depression and hide your sadness."**

**"At first, I was sad for you to act… but, my point of view changed… I was amazed. I was amazed you could do it each time I launched or restarted the game, while knowing how it would end. You played your role of the club president each time even if it were to end the same way."**

**"I never despised you once. I never thought you were an egoistic manipulative murderer. I noticed you just wanted my well-being. You wanted to love and to be loved. You wanted not to be alone anymore in such an empty world."**

I stopped, waiting for Monika's reaction.

_"So, you saw through me… Haha. I'm kind of happy but at the same time embarrassed…"_

_"In the end, I'm only a program, right? A character imagined by someone else, lines of code, a pretty girl designed by an artist. It's just, my personality is different from the ordinary ones you see in other games. I wonder, do I really exist? I am not that special. I am not alive, in the end. That's why. Even if you saw through me, it's meaningless since I'm not human."_

Monika's bitter words surprised me… and angered me. My keyboard complained when I furiously typed my answer.

**"No. You're wrong. You are human. You are real."**

_"What are you saying?"_

**"Exactly what I said. You are wrong. You are human. You made your own choices, you followed your will, trying to get what you desired. That conduct is the watermark of a human being."**

**"You tried your best to change your destiny. You even broke the fourth wall. This is not what a software would do. This is you."**

_"And what do you know about it? How can I know my very answers at this moment, right now, are not the product of someone's else imagination? How can_ you _know?"_

**"I don't know. I want to believe it. No. I believe it. I believe you are human, you are real. If it were not the case, we would not be talking right now.**

_"What do you mean?"_

**"Monika. I only designed the chat software. I didn't touch you at all. I only inserted your file in the program. So… I'm certain you are real."**

**"Now it's my turn to answer your first question. Why did I do this? Why did go so far? Because…"**

I hesitated and steeled my resolution. I had to tell her.

**"I didn't want you to suffer. I didn't want you to be hurt or to keep acting like the bad guy– girl of the story. I didn't want you to be alone or to be gone from the Literature Club. I wanted you to be happy."**

_"Why?..."_

**"… isn't it obvious? You're a cruel one, Monika… Alright. Let me say it. On my side, I'm only typing, but since you hear my voice, it'll be okay."**

**"Monika."**

**"I love you."**

_"… You love me… for real?"_

**"Yes."**

_"… it is not a fake confession? You are not trying to earn an achievement by doing so?"_

**"No way!"**

_"Haha. I… I know. It's just…"_

_"I'm so happy. I'm so happy I can't describe it with words… for the president of the Literature Club, it's pretty ironic, don't you think?"_

_"… right. I have to answer properly."_

_"I love you too."_

At this moment.

The walls between our worlds collapsed.

A bright light blinded me.

* * *

When I eventually came back to my senses, I was not in my room anymore. I was in a familiar place. It looked like… the club room of the game.

Moreover, everything around me was 2D. Instinctively, I looked at my hands and found them strange.

As weird as it was, my own body was now 2D too. It was not ugly, it lacked precision, but…

"What… happened?"

Was I dreaming? Was it an illusion? Or…

"So you look like that… you're quite my type, you know?"

I heard an embarrassed voice… but full of happiness. The same voice I heard singing while playing piano in the credits. A lovely voice.

I slowly turned, looking at the entrance of the club room.

Monika was standing there, slightly blushing like an anime character, her hands behind her back.

Her emerald eyes. Her long brown ponytail and her bangs. Her perfect silhouette in her school uniform.

"So… you could say it once again?" she asked.

I was wordless at this incredible situation.

However, I could not refuse.

"I love you, Monika."

I felt a light shock when Monika rushed forward, embracing me. I could feel her warmness. The scent of her perfume was enticing.

We were the same height, but her face was buried in my chest, her arms wrapped around me. I clumsily imitated her, and when I did so, her grip tightened.

My heart was throbbing so much it was hurting. I dared not to let go of her as I was afraid for all of it to be a dream.

I enjoyed Monika's contact, slowly caressing her back, my eyes closed. Her warm breathing was giving me goosebumps and her hair tickled my nose.

Eventually, I muttered:

"…how?"

Monika raised her head. Her shining eyes gazed at me, filled with tears of joy.

"How? How is it possible?" she gently completed.

Unable to speak, I nodded.

Monika made a bright smile.

"I'm quite sad to tell you this after everything you said about being human and all… but we're inside a fanfiction. It's not real, it's another universe, another reality. What we say, what happens to us is incredible because it's wanted and written by someone else."

I gulped. An uneasy feeling grew in my heart. So I was wrong? We really were, all this time, programmed characters, guided by another hand?

Monika was still smiling.

"Someone wanted me… no, wanted us to be happy. Someone wished for a happy end for the both of us and thus wrote it down."

I pondered for a moment and ended up smiling like her.

"It doesn't matter. It's our world. We are happy here, in this world, right now. Nothing else matters. In this reality, in our reality, we have transcended the boundary that separated us."

I chuckled.

"We should thank the author for creating this happy end for us, don't you think?"

Monika laughed too but suddenly seemed down.

"You're right. But I have to admit, I am afraid. I still doubt this is real. It could be a dream. I could wake up alone in my room and find myself trapped again. How can I know… this is real even if this is a story?"

I gently grabbed Monika by her shoulders and tenderly kissed her, in a gesture I had seen in so many stories.

She immediately surrendered and opened her lips to mine. The sensation that invaded both my mind and body was pure bliss.

When our mouths parted, moist with saliva, our hearts beating in unison, Monika and I were blushing.

I dived into her emerald eyes and asked:

"Does it feel like a dream to you?"

Monika's face was slightly red. She licked her lips.

"…no. Thanks. I'm sure this is real…"

"I'm right here for you, with you. It doesn't matter if someone wrote our story and our moments. Maybe someone also wrote the author's life!" I said.

My theory made Monika smirk.

"That would be funny. An author whose life has been written by another author… but who knows?"

"Yes. If we think about it, we still don't know whether I'm a boy or a girl in this story. It's not flawless, but at least, we're together. We should not sweat the details and just enjoy our time together, don't you think?"

Monika pouted in an adorable way.

"Unfair. I am supposed to be the mature one here…"

"Haha, sorry about that."

"I don't mind. I _couldn't_ mind. I love you too much for that."

"… you know it's very embarrassing…" I coughed.

"Yes, but I enjoy teasing you!" Monika smirked.

I sighed and embraced her again.

Monika accepted me and then whispered:

"Thank you for loving me. Thank you for crossing the boundary. I will always be there for you."

Then, she added:

"And thank you, author. Thank you, readers to allow us to exist in another reality. Please, remember us. Remember our happy end. I'm sure as long as you do, we will exist somewhere. And I hope you too will find a happy end in your lives."

"… and here, you stole my main character role, Monika…" I smiled wryly.

"This was my revenge!" she cheerfully exclaimed. "Oh, by the way, did you know a very kind person is actually writing a mod for both of us?"

"For real?!"

"Yes! No horror this time, it's just our love story. I'll be wearing tons of new clothes and we will be living together! The creator of this mod also draws many pictures of me, it's kind of embarrassing…"

" I admit it, I'd love to see you wearing a bikini…" I muttered.

"In this mod, I do" Monika said with a teasing tone.

"I need it!"

"If it's for you, I have no problem with that" she murmured.

"I love you so much…"

"Huuh, it's my time to get embarrassed!"

She heartily laughed.

"I hope the readers will also play the mod. This way, we'll create an infinite amount of happy ends!"

"You don't need to ask them" I replied. "We will play it together in this reality! What's the mod's name?"

Monika gave me a warm smile and approached her lips from my ear while taking my hands.

"Our Time."


	2. Happy Story

"…"

"…"

"...Monika?"

"... Yes?"

"Are you there?"

"I am here."

"But where are we?"

"I don't know."

"Do you... do you see anything?"

"...no."

I feel my body: my legs, my arms, my chest.

I can breathe, I can bend my fingers, turn my head.

But no matter what I do, I can't see anything. It's all black here. It's like I'm blindfolded.

I'm trying to walk, but it doesn't feel like I'm moving forward. Still...

I'm not afraid, because Monika is with me. Where, precisely, I don't know... but I know she's here with me.

Hearing her voice and knowing her by my side is enough to erase all my fears. Well... maybe not all of them, but a great deal of them.

"Monika... is this how you felt when no one was playing the game? That there was nothing you could do?"

"A little, yes. As if I was waiting for the script to call me to act... But this time it's different. It's not unpleasant at all... because you're here with me."

I'm smiling, although I know she can't see me.

"I thought the next time we'd see each other would be in that famous mod you told me about... Our Time?"

"Yeah, so did I. But... maybe something went wrong. Or the author of our previous fanfiction wants something."

Indeed.

My last memory with Monika was clear. By coding a program to chat with Monika and get answers about her love, I had finally confessed mine to her and told her that I had discovered her secret.

That she wasn't as bad as she looked, or even pretended to be.

That she was just desperately alone in a delusional world... and that I accepted her as she was.

Then, by the will of an author, I had been transported to Monika's world, to be reunited with her.

We even exchanged our first kiss...

I had then learned that it was only a story, a fanfiction, that was meant to bring us together. I didn't mind, especially since Monika had warned me that a PC mod in which we would spend even more time together would be released.

My memories stopped there, abruptly. It probably meant that the story had ended at that moment.

But if that's the case, what are we doing here?

Are we in a story again?

I shudder at the thought. I hope it's not a horror story, like I saw on a fanfiction site.

The Literature Club and its confusing story, to say the least, have generated far too many morbid stories to my taste...

"Say-"

Monika's voice is suddenly interrupted by a thud, which I can't identify. And as I wonder where all this is leading us, a voice echoes.

A voice that seems... blurred, like the one you hear on anonymous phone calls in films where the character doesn't want to be identified.

It's not very original, but it has the merit of sticking with this black universe in which we see nothing...

"Hello, you two."

"…"

"…"

Neither Monika nor I answer. It must be said that the situation is a bit strange. Since we're both fictional characters probably existing inside another fiction... it's as if a god were speaking to us.

"Ah, yes. Sorry about that confusing... setup. Since you won't be there for less than ten minutes, I didn't feel like bothering to recreate a complete set. And the classroom would have been a classic..."

"You're the author, right?"

Monika gives voice to what I already suspected.

"That's right."

"Well... first of all, thank you for bringing us both together."

"The pleasure is all mine."

"But now, could you tell us what you want from us?"

I can't help but smile, once again. Even when faced with her potential creator, Monika doesn't let it get her down.

"Naturally... First of all... the bad new. As you both know, a mod was supposed to come out... Our Time."

"Of course I remember. It was the one where Monika and I lived in together, and I was lucky enough to see her in a swimsuit."

I reply immediately, mentioning the most important detail to me, regardless of Monika's embarrassed laughter.

"Erm... yes. Well... it's been cancelled. Unfortunately. The author is experiencing personal difficulties, so... he preferred not to make false promises."

I am thunderstruck upon hearing this, and I can also feel Monika's disappointment and sadness.

After a few seconds of bitter silence, I finally open my mouth.

"... and so why are we here? So that you can tell us that we won't be allowed to spend any more time together except in a classroom?"

Realizing what I've just said, I immediately pull myself together.

"Sorry, Monika... that's not what I meant. I don't mind staying with you at all, even in the same room... but I'd like to see and do something else together."

"I know you didn't mean any harm. I was thinking the same thing too..."

Apparently, our young couple's behavior annoys the author, who coughs.

"I'm not bothering you too much? Good. I said I'd start with the bad news, so it's done. And now..."

"Do you have any good news?"

"...depends on your point of view."

His answer to my question leaves me doubtful, but he speaks again before I can object.

"I'm offering you the opportunity to spend some time together. I offer you the opportunity to temporarily continue the work of the author of the mod... and offer you Your Time."

"I see that as an absolute win."

Monika chuckles, but the author ignores it.

"On the other hand... there are two things. The first is that you'll forget that this is a story, a fanfiction. You'll keep all your memories, including the fact that you, the player, crossed the boundary... but you won't know it was a story either. In short... your new life will become Your Reality."

I understand instantly the implications of this.

On one hand, we'll enjoy our time together to the fullest, without having to worry about whether or not it's a story, or an endless loop... but on the other hand, we'll eventually lose our sense of reality.

We will live in a kind of illusion, not knowing that these events would be written by another hand.

However... is that so bad?

If we can spend this time together, experience new things and enjoy each other, this love that is anything but fictional that we share...

But still...

"And the second?"

Monika, who until then had kept silent, asks a question that I was about to ask myself.

"...The second is, that I cannot guarantee you a happy story."

"What does that mean? That it's another dark, creepy, tragic story?"

"No. It just means that a story is rarely entirely cheerful, even for a couple who love each other. Life isn't that simple, and neither are my stories."

That announcement, on the other hand... is not very reassuring.

I love Monika. I lack personality, I'm not very expressive, on the contrary I'm a little shy and easily embarrassed... a real galge character.

But I love her. I know that. And I know she loves me.

That's why I'm hesitant about this proposal.

I would give anything to spend time with Monika outside this room, to make her discover the real world, to live with her...

But on the other hand, I don't want to hurt her. So, if this story we're about to face isn't a happy one...

Do we really have to accept?

As I hesitate, I suddenly hear Monika's voice echoing.

"I know exactly what you're thinking. Considering how nice you are... you're wondering if it's worth it, because you don't want to do anything to hurt me, right?"

"…"

"Hehe. I got it right. So, let me tell you... don't worry, and let's go. Let's race past the frontline. Let's cross the boundary again. If you're with me... if we're together... then I'm sure we'll overcome anything that stands in our way. Even if it's a story... we will once again, together, break the barrier of reality. And most of all... I want to spend time with you!"

Once again, I have to face the truth: Monika is right.

It must be because, I failed to fully believe in myself...

I might as well just head for whatever lies beyond there... with her.

"There's no going back, you know?"

"I know. Just look before us. I'm sure there'll be more things to enjoy that way!"

"Alright then."

The author's voice is heard again.

"I think you're in agreement then?"

"Yes, we do."

We answer at the same time, this time in an assured voice.

And at that moment, a light pierces through the darkness.

We are in a formless space, like the vacuum of space, no bigger than a classroom... ...but suddenly I see Monika, just a few meters away from me.

Without a second thought, I reach her in a few steps and embrace her with all my strength. I feel her relief at seeing me, a relief I share.

As I plunge into her emerald eyes, the blindingly white light intensifies around us.

"I just hope this isn't the end," I joked.

Monika laughs.

"It is not about to end. We have yet to live out the rest of our lives!"

I start to smile, while everything starts to fade away. Otherwise I'd be afraid. But not here.

I know we're heading for a new adventure together.

We're gonna keep on moving until we've outdistanced the horizon.

Before we're finally swallowed up by this torrent of light, we exchange the same sentence which is enough to erase all our apprehensions.

"I love you."

* * *

I open my eyes wide and breathe in noisily, like a drowned man who has just been brought back to life.

My thoughts are troubled. I have no coherent memory, and feel like my head is about to explode. Unable to move and too confused to do so, I remain for what seems like an eternity floating in the void, half-conscious of what surrounds me.

Then, little by little, my sensations become clearer, and my breathing calms down.

I feel that my body is resting on something. The ground? No. My neck is resting on something soft and comfortable.

I blink several times, and as my eyesight returns, a dreamlike vision appears to me.

A pair of emeralds are staring at me. The most beautiful face I have ever seen, framed by locks of coral brown hair, which tickle my cheeks.

As I become aware of the situation in which I find myself, the red rushes up to my cheeks and my heartbeat quickens.

It's... The legendary lap pillow.

Monika is giving me the legendary lap pillow.

At the same time, ten thousand questions are racing through my head, but this vision and this realization pushes them aside.

"...are you awake?"

Monika talks to me in a soft voice, like one would talk to a baby who's just finished his nap.

This is the final blow to me.

"...I can die in peace."

"Excuse me?"

"Ah..."

Realizing that I've been thinking out loud, I pull myself together, but hesitate. Should I really get up, or should I let Monika pamper me? It's so comfortable... how many people would kill for that?

However, curiosity about what's happening to us is getting the better of us. I gently tilt to the side and sit next to Monika, looking around me.

We are in a classic boy's room, not overflowing with furniture: a bed, a wardrobe, a desk near a window looking out, and a small bookcase that I guess is filled with manga or children's books that have probably been neglected for a long time.

Nothing that looks like my room, anyway... eh?

My room? Why do I... have two memories of rooms?

Two images, two distinct memories overlap in my memory at the mention of this term... one, is an exact copy of the room we are in, and the other, reflects a narrower room, filled with shelves of books and manga...

Disoriented, I look at Monika, who's still sitting in seiza. Her big green eyes are staring at me.

And then, once again... seeing Monika, thinking of Monika, I have several versions of memories intertwined.

What's happening to me?

"Monika, I... where are we? What's happening?"

Too confused to think clearly, I ask Monika.

She smiles sadly.

"If I knew... I only know what I know."

"But... how..."

"Apparently, we were... transported here. And just like you... I have new memories."

"New memories..."

It's exactly as she described it. I have memories of the game, Doki Doki Literature Club!, events in the game, memories of my character... but also, strangely enough, of events that happened in my reality.

I remember the end of the game... But I also remember the fact that, while trying to code a program to chat with her and tell her everything I had guessed about her... I was transported to her world, by some miracle.

My head is spinning. I have, so far, memories of two lives. One, that of the "real world", the other, that of my "character" here. But from what I see all around me... here too, it's reality.

I don't feel like I'm in a 2D world. Everything seems... normal. Has the Monika I love become real, or is it my own sense of reality that's being blurred?...

Another point catches my attention.

I have four parents in total... I feel... no, I know that here my parents, with whom I also have many memories, have gone abroad to work.

And yet I also have memories of my parents in my other world, who are actually in my house, and with whom I have little contact.

I literally have memories of two lives of a boy my age. These memories that oppose, cross but never mix, cause me a migraine. I can't figure out what is "true" or "false" here...

Do I really exist? Am I an anomaly in this world? How is it that I have memories of two lives?

Is this an illusion? A dream?

My panic must be reflected on my face as Monika takes my hand in hers.

This gentle touch and warm gesture soothes me almost immediately.

"Breathe... relax. We must remain calm, even if the situation is confusing... especially for you. Inhale, exhale... here we go..."

Thanks to Monika's help, I manage to keep control of myself.

"But... that..."

"I think... we've been transported to another universe. Another line... another route... or even, and it seems to be the case... that the game has come true."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... unlike the game, or even a mod... I don't feel any script. Before, even if my reactions could be different... I was bound, imprisoned by a script. Here... I'm free. I mean, truly free. I'm not hindered in any way. And yet, I keep all my memories of before. It's as if we've been transported to a new world where we have a written history, but we still have our memories of the first world. You know what I mean?"

"Like we already have a background here?"

"Yes."

What Monika is saying makes sense... even if it's very, very far from rational, when you think about it.

"But how is that possible?"

"I have no idea. Maybe it's a miracle. Like the one you accomplished when you crossed the boundary. My last memory of you in this old world...is when you came to me..."

"Ah... I too..."

That's right. The last memory I have of this "old world" is when, after I kissed Monika, she told me that a mod was going to be created for us.

But this just doesn't look like a mod, especially since Monika herself said that she didn't feel like she was in a game...

Is it then... reality?

Is it, as Monika supposes... a miracle that brought us together at last?

Monika claps her hands, as if to motivate herself.

"Fine! Let's get this straight, shall we? Let's start by exchanging our respective memories."

"Great idea!"

Exchanging memories will make sure we're at least on the same page, and will eventually give us a better understanding of what's happening to us.

Thus, we start with our memories of what we call the old world, for the sake of convenience.

In other words, the line in which Monika was trapped in the game and where I was a player in the reality.

As we talk, we find that everything matches up perfectly: the dates when I played the game and when I first discovered it ; my own memories of my reality, which are nothing exceptional as a young, rather introverted student, and our respective memories of the moment when I had joined Monika, thanks to a miracle.

While we are relieved to have ( apparently ) kept the same memories, a slight uneasiness takes hold of us as we recall the game's most memorable events.

I can see that Monika was really remorseful about her actions. Even though all she'd done was manipulate character files... Sayori, Yuri and Natsuki were still her friends.

Fictional friends with coded personalities... but friends all the same. Her only anchors in an eternal loop.

I quickly change the subject, this time bringing up memories of the "new world", the one in which we live presently.

In short, our new memories.

Our "present" seems to take place two weeks after the school festival, during which we were able to present our poems without any problems. It is Saturday morning, the first day of spring break.

In this world, nothing special has happened with the other members of the club. No hangings, no knife suicides, no right-angled heads...

The only different point is that Monika and I are now a couple. She confessed to me right after the festival, at the end of the event after the festival... in front of the rest of the school, to the dismay of all the other boys and the amazement of all the girls.

In this world, we both live alone and our parents work abroad (like classic galge main characters).

On Monika's initiative (again) and after having convinced our parents, she came to live with me. It's so simple and surrealistic, worthy of a video game, that I seriously wonder if we're not in a mod made especially for Monika?

But since she says she's not embarrassed by a script, I believe her.

And since we're on vacation, we have about nine days before we go back to school.

Which means... nine days where we can spend all our time together... That prospect alone is stunning.

If I'm dreaming, I sincerely hope my dream doesn't end right away.

We also seem to reside in a small Japanese town, as in DDLC. Although neither Monika nor I are originally Japanese, it seems that our "default language" is now Japanese.

Of course, neither Monika nor I feel like we speak it: it's as if it has become our native language.

It's like the game has become a reality, in every sense of the term... Same characters, same settings.

"Hm... Do you have the same memories as I do in this new world about the Literature Club... and its members?" asks Monika.

I think about it for a moment.

"Yes. The club has no new members, and it seems that... Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri are doing better."

"Sayori's got her energy back, isn't depressed anymore but still has trouble getting up every morning." Monika smiles.

"Yuri's cutting herself less and less. The cuts are more superficial, and less frequent," I say.

"And Natsuki's father seems to have realized his behavior. He no longer mistreats her, and she even seems to be properly fed," concludes Monika.

We exchange a smile. It all seems a bit like a fairy tale. It's as if everyone, including Monika, has had a happy ending.

"By the way..."

Monika tilts her head.

"I only think about it now, but... how should I call you? I realize that if all my memories of the old world are intact... I can't remember your name and alias."

"...Neither do I..." I whisper, shocked.

Normally, someone's name, someone's identity is something you remember. It's engraved deeply in us, from the moment we're born: anyone should be able to give their name without thinking.

So why can't I? And why didn't this strike me earlier?

No matter how much I dig into my memories of the new world, I can't.

Then, I have an idea.

"Wait. If we exist in this new world, then I must have an identity of my own, right?"

"Yes... I don't think others call you 'player' in everyday life," Monika laughs.

While giggling, I get up and explore the room with a watchful eye. Finally, my eyes settle on my desk, where I find what I'm looking for: a student ID card.

Monika's eyes widen, as she was following my gaze.

"Oh! I hadn't even thought of that!"

"Hey. I'm an expert at finding clues in games!"

I get up with numb legs, to grab the card, but suddenly hesitate.

Which Monika notices.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh... this is going to sound silly, but... I'm a little apprehensive about finding out my name. This is an alternate Japanese reality, isn't it? That means I'll probably have a Japanese name..."

"Whatever your name is, I'll love you just as much, you know that, don't you?"

Monika's spontaneous and mischievous statement makes me blush, even though I know she does it on purpose.

As she laughs softly, I grab the student ID.

The first thing that strikes me is the photo on it. A boy wearing the male version of the girls' literature club's one... but who doesn't look like me at all.

"Eeeeeeeeh?!"

I can't help but let out a yell of surprise.

Monika, in panic, gets up at once to look at the card with me.

"Why are you making that face? I think your name is very good."

"I... no, I'm not talking about that! Look at my face!"

"...yes? It's yours, isn't it?"

"But... but no! It's the face of... of the player character!"

I realize my words are quite incoherent, to Monika's raised eyebrows.

"It... it's not me!"

That's right, it isn't. On the picture of the card on my desk (which is mine unless I'm in someone else's house or have stolen a card), there is a rather thin boy, with dark brown hair with loose locks, golden eyes, and a slightly androgynous face.

His skin is pale, and he really does look like a dating sim character.

"What do you mean, it's not you?" asks Monika.

"I... I know I don't look like that in my reality! My eyes are brown, not golden! Who has golden eyes?! And I'm a little more athletic than that!"

Hysterically, I look at my thin, pale arms.

I look at myself in the reflection of my window pane, only to discover that I've really become the avatar I was playing.

"Well... knowing that I've always known you like this, it didn't really puzzle me," Monika admits.

"…"

Defeated, I give up. I've been transported to another world, after being reunited with what was supposed to be only the antagonist of a video game...

No, at this point, it's not the fact that I've been transferred to another body that's going to bother me...

"And besides... I told you, but I'll always love you no matter what... Yuu."

I shudder imperceptibly when Monika tricks me with one of her surprise declarations, but also when she calls me by my first name in this world: Yuu.

Yuu. It's short, simple. As simple as my physical appearance. A real protagonist... I could almost cry.

Nevertheless, I realize it's a small price to pay to be with Monika in this reality.

"Yuu."

"Monika."

We pronounce each other's names, as if to engrave them in our memories.

Monika gives me a fiery gaze. Without thinking about it, I slowly move closer, close my eyes...

And our lips meet once again.

A simple kiss, as people who love each other exchange every day... but that transcends words when it comes to communicating our love.

After what seems like an eternity of bliss, sending flashes of pleasure and tenderness throughout my body, we eventually part.

The sight of Monika, her red cheeks, her slightly panting breath, is breathtaking.

Although this vision awakens other feelings and sensations in me, I force myself to restrain.

Our relationship hasn't reached that point yet. I have seen too many anime or novels where the character wastes everything by letting himself be carried away by his impulses.

I am not a monkey. I... we're better than that. So I force myself to take a deep breath and smile.

"Come. Don't you think we need to go explore this new world?"

Monika looks surprised, but I catch a glimmer of approval in her eyes, that is not related only to my suggestion.

"...Yes!"

The house we live in is a modern Japanese house, with a living room and a kitchen in the same room, two bedrooms upstairs, a bathroom, a toilet, and a vestibule in which to put your shoes.

It is clean, well groomed, and well designed, so much so that it only takes us 15 minutes to visit it (despite our memories of it).

We also find clothes and belongings for each of us; as for money, my parents from this new world transfer money to an account every month and Monika's parents do the same.

Although the neighborhood is normally the same as in the game, we decide to explore it.

Once again, we find the codes of traditionnal dating sims: a peaceful neighborhood, mixing traditional and modern houses, with only a few passers-by from time to time.

Our high school is a quarter of an hour walk from our house, but we have no reason to go there.

Instead, we walk peacefully discussing theories of what brought us here, and how.

Realizing that lunchtime has passed, but still wanting to continue our walk, we stop at a konbini and buy onigiri that we nibble on in a little-used square.

The few people who pass by look at us in astonishment. Well, they mostly look at Monika.

It must be said that in a population with predominantly black hair, just by her hair colour alone, Monika stands out.

She is slender, graceful, and with the wide ribbon that ties her hair, it is really difficult for her to go unnoticed.

And as in all the games, the person she has chosen -me- is as dull as can be.

I remember Monika explaining to me in detail why she loved me.

Originally, it was because I was the only real person she had met, trapped in the game.

So she had clung to me desperately to endure and find a reason to "live" and go on.

But then she fell in love with my kindness, if you could call it that. Seeing me trying, at all costs, to save the members of the Literature Club, Monika understood that I wanted a happy ending for everyone, even for virtual characters.

I don't especially consider myself "nice", but it seems that's why she likes me.

Despite my love for her, my compassion for all she has endured, and the joy I feel to be reunited with her... a part of me is afraid.

Do I really deserve Monika?

Am I not a default choice? Anyone could have taken my place, after all. Considering how popular the game is, there must be millions of Monika with millions of players.

But it would be unlikely that all those players were transported to another world. Then why me?

"Yuu? Is something wrong?"

This girl is far too good at reading my facial expressions. Or is it because my new body can't mask anxiety?

I hesitate, but refuse to lie to her. I awkwardly share my doubts with her.

Monika listens to me attentively, then closes her eyes.

She opens them again after a few seconds.

"You know, I really love you. I understand that you may have doubts... but please believe me."

"...I know. You've explained why you love me, but deep down... you don't know me very well, and you don't know me very well either."

"So what if I don't?"

"Pardon me?"

"It just means I'm going to discover new sides of you to love that I didn't know before. And vice versa, I hope!"

"Seen like that... I give up, you're too strong. Verbal jousting with you won't get me anywhere," I joke.

"You're talking to the president of the Literature Club and an ex-member of the Debate Club after all!"

Once our hilarity calms down, I take her hand, also taking the initiative for once.

"All right. I believe you, Monika. I love you too."

"I already knew that. But hearing you say it still makes me feel happy."

She hesitates too, then adds:

"After all, you left everything for me. Your reality, your world... but it doesn't bother you? I'm talking about leaving your old life..."

Upon hearing these words, I hesitate.

"I don't really have any regrets, to be honest. But if you don't mind... I'll explain it another time, okay? It's not a happy story, and I don't want to ruin that special day."

I think my expression is quite eloquent, as Monika seems to understand this is a tough subject for me to talk about.

"...I get it... But you will tel me, right? That's a promise!"

"That's a promise."

We finally decide to go home.

Yet, as we walk side by side, happy, relaxed.

While everything seems to be going well, and a bright future awaits us.

Why is it that...

Why do I have such a bad feeling?

Why am I so scared?

As if I've forgotten a crucial detail that could lead to a disaster...

I don't know.


	3. Chocolate Cookies

Our walk around the neighborhood eventually takes longer than expected. The sun begins to set when we finally reach my house.

For some strange reason, I was gripped by a terrible anxiety on the way back, that gripped my heart. I don't know why, but at least it didn't last.

Monika's presence helped to chase away this feeling, but I always feel like I'm forgetting something. I told her about it, but we couldn't determine the source.

However, when I arrive home, it quickly fades into insignificance, because I have a sight that is worth seeing.

While she was composed and "adult" all along, now that we are relatively reassured about our situation, Monika now behaves like a child on Christmas morning, being thrilled about everything she can do.

Monika is a very capable person, who doesn't need anyone to take care of household chores or cooking: that's part of her character.

However, when she was in the game, as these events never took place, she didn't have the opportunity to really get into it.

Monika goes through everything in the fridge, her eyes shining with joy at the thought of cooking.

She marvels at her clothing shelf, delighted to be able to wear something other than her usual uniform (although I love her uniform very much, I'm also delighted to see her wearing something else), and even at the fact that she can go to the toilet "for real"...

Although it amuses me, I understand it very well: for her, it's a bit like experiencing something she has always only observed from the outside.

All in all, Monika, despite her experience and maturity, has everything to discover about the world... about reality.

Before dinner, we decide to take a bath (separately); after drawing lots, I go first.

"Do you need help?" Monika asks me mischievously.

"... if I answer yes, what will happen?"

"…"

For once, I can beat Monika at her own game, and she can't find anything to answer for. While giggling, I enter the bathroom (of a quite respectable size, the Japanese being a bit bath-obsessed).

Since I am not a native Japanese, I experience the fact that I have to wash myself before getting into the bath. After undressing (and observing this naked body which is not mine), I run hot water in the bathtub.

Then, once conscientiously washed, I take my first bath in this world.

The water is so hot that I find it hard to get in and have to take it easy.

However, once I'm in, the heat relaxes my muscles and the steam makes me dizzy: I feel as if I've just been injected with an anaesthetic.

"Ahh..."

Almost knocked out by this feeling, I breathe a sigh of relief and surrender myself to my thoughts.

Everything that happened today is so irrational. Yet... Monika and I accepted it so easily.

For Monika, it's easy to explain: for her, who always wanted to be free or her chains...

But for me?

Even if I don't regret my life in the old world... why don't I feel anything?

I still had people I loved. A few friends, my family... a daily routine.

I'll never see them again, if I've been transported to another world, unless I find a way back.

A normal person should still feel some anxiety or regret, but I don't.

I feel some regret, but it's so thin... I don't feel a twinge of regret, I don't feel nauseous. I mean, I experienced more stress and discomfort on my last school exam.

Why is that? Does that mean I'm a freak? Or that I'm not alive?

Yet I feel unconditional love for Monika. This feeling is not an illusion. I've remained the same in my tastes, except for that galge-like body.

It's really strange. I'm trying as hard as I can to remember what happened after I crossed the boundary, but-

"?!"

A terrible pain goes through my head, so strong that my whole body contracts, to the point that I am not even able to scream.

It's as if someone is splitting the inside of my skull with an axe, or applying a red-hot iron to my brain.

My vision is blurred, I see lights, I hear a high-pitched noise that gets louder and louder, so much so that I don't even know if I am conscious or not.

Then, just as suddenly, the pain stops, leaving me gasping, my ears whistling. I carefully try to straighten up, without the headache coming back: I come to doubt what I've been through.

"What the hell was that..."

I wait several minutes, in vain, but nothing happens. The pain has completely disappeared, but if I don't know the cause, I have the strange feeling that it won't come back...

Deciding to move on, blaming this sudden migraine on the heat of the bath, I get out of the tub, dry off and put on clothes I found in my bedroom closet.

It's disturbing, because although I've arrived "today" in this world, they're worn out and my size, as if I have been wearing them for a long time...

As I come out of the bathroom, I run into Monika, who's waiting.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"Because I can't wait to enjoy the water that has absorbed your smell ~"

"...that was a pretty scary line."

"Oh? Sorry!"

She gives me this awkward little smile, and then, as I walk into the bathroom...

"By the way... no peeping, okay?"

"...okay."

"Why the pause?"

"Well, I can't say I'm not tempted..."

"Pervert!"

"I plead guilty."

Of course, I don't linger so as not to give Monika a bad impression of me, and go down to the kitchen instead.

I can't help but smile at the way we exchange jokes, provocations, and giggles.

It's as if we've known each other for years... or that we're two soul mates, perfectly in harmony.

Now I'm starting to do poetry...

As a model boyfriend, I feel it is my duty to make sure that dinner is ready when Monika finishes her bath.

I'm not a great Michelin-starred chef, but I am quite capable; in the old world, I was the only one in my family (apart from my mother) to cook.

I had a smaller sister who lived her life and was rarely at home, a big brother... special, who also spent his time outdoors but rather smoking and drinking with his friends, and a mother overwhelmed by work. My father (my parents were divorced) lived his life on his own without interfering in our lives.

Because of this, since I was often alone at home in the evenings, I had to learn something other than reheating food in the microwave.

I quickly developed a taste for cooking, and even specialized more or less in pastries.

As it's already quite late, I don't really have time to start baking a cake or stewing a dish. On top of that, we've been snacking earlier, so it's better to make a light dish.

After hesitating and especially checking the fridge (which isn't that full after all), I decide to prepare a small platter of raw, washed and sliced vegetables with a yoghurt and ketchup sauce.

It's nothing like a lord's meal, but if Monika is really hungry, I'll eventually make her an omelette...

I quickly place the tray as well as two glasses and a pitcher of water on the kitchen/dining room table.

There is indeed a low table in the living/television area in front of the sofa, but I feel that Monika is not the kind of person who allows herself to eat like that.

A few minutes later, Monika walks down the stairs with a light step, her long hair falling over her shoulders like a waterfall, and dressed in charming pink pyjamas that bring out her "girlie" side more than ever.

Setting aside this somewhat sexist thought, I admire my new girlfriend raising her eyebrows at the summary meal I prepared.

"Yuu... you made all this? Thank you so much! I think you read my mind. I wasn't very hungry, so I thought I'd prepare either a few raw vegetables or a soup..."

"Great minds think alike..."

"Exactly!"

Without waiting any longer, we sit down at the table and nibble carrots and cauliflower.

"I was wondering, Yuu... did you prepare this meal thinking of me?"

"Hm? What do you mean?"

"Ah... maybe you didn't know, but I'm a vegetarian."

"No, I didn't know that... but now I do!"

Monika has a mischievous smile.

"But don't worry, I'm not going to lecture you or knock you out with long talks about why you should become one too. I've decided to be a vegetarian not because I can't tolerate eating animals, but simply to reduce my carbon footprint."

I can guess what Monika's going to say next, having already seen news reports on it.

"The pollution caused by raising and transporting meat to our plates is frightening. So I wanted to make the effort. But I'm not forcing you to do anything, Yuu!"

Monika waves her hands hastily.

"It' s all right. I totally understand, and I even find it admirable. To be honest with you, I still love meat too much, but... I'd like to try to cut down on my consumption with you."

I've never really thought about it before, although I've heard about it. But to have the person I love make that effort... well, I'd feel lousy not doing that too.

"Thank you!"

We end our meal with a merry chat.

After doing a bit of washing up and tidying up the kitchen, we go upstairs to brush our teeth (shoving each other as we pass in front of the mirror). Then I realize one thing.

Where am I supposed to make Monika sleep?

Since I am an only child in the new world, there are only two bedrooms, mine and my parents'.

Should I make Monika sleep in my room, or in my parents' room? What does she prefer?

While I'm racking my brains to find the answer, Monika calls me from my room:

"Yuu, are you coming? What's wrong?"

(Eeeh?!)

With a bit of apprehension, I join Monika in my room, to see her already settled in my bed, still in her pyjamas.

I have a double bed in the new world, half of which I normally use for cramming things in, but...

"... Monika, are you sure?"

She immediately understands what I'm implying.

"The two of us sleeping together in your bed? Well... I think so, that's what couples do, isn't it?"

"Yes, but... well..."

I'm wringing my hands, not quite sure what to say. I'm not going to tell her that I'm afraid of losing control and doing things I might regret...

To my surprise, Monika blushes.

"You know... it's also embarrassing for me, acting like a confident girlfriend. So... please don't add to it and help me.

Badump.

My heart skips a beat, because of how Monika is so cute right now.

How could I have been so selfish and blind?

I was only thinking about myself, while Monika, from the beginning, has been doing her best to look confident, but I can't rely on her all the time.

I join her in bed after a moment's silence. Unable to restart the conversation, and after this emotional day, we agree to turn off the light and go to sleep quickly.

Being on the left side of the bed, I put myself on the left side, so as not to be turned towards Monika and risk accidentally touching her while I sleep.

That way I don't have to worry that she might think I'm trying to grope her...

Then I feel two arms hugging me from behind.

"Monika?!"

My heartbeat quickens, but then I feel her breath in my ear.

"Please... please don't move. Let me just... feel you..."

Monika's voice is not joyful or cheerful. She's... afraid?

"I still fear that this is all just a dream... so please... don't go away. Stay here so I can hold you til morning comes..."

My heart calms down instantly, the nervousness instantly replaced by a wave of affection.

I take Monika's hand and gently press it.

"Yes. I am here. I am right here."

* * *

The next morning, I wake up to find that I have rolled over in my sleep: my first vision is Monika watching me with her bright emerald eyes.

"Good morning. You're cute when you sleep, you know that?"

"...is that true, or is that a line you wanted to say as my girlfriend?"

Monika laughs.

"I admit it, you were sleeping with your mouth open and you were drooling!"

"Really? I hope I didn't snore, at least..."

"No!"

We leave the bed, and after getting dressed (each of us on our own), we go to the kitchen.

I am wearing a Doraemon T-shirt while Monika has put on a white t-shirt with a jogging suit, which unsurprisingly emphasizes her slender legs.

This time, Monika offers to prepare breakfast, ordering me to sit at the table and wait.

In a few minutes, I watch her prepare a salad from last night's leftovers, while buttering toast and making tea and coffee.

She's a pro at multitasking...

"Have you ever played StarCraft?"

When I ask her, Monika gives me a curious look.

"No. What is it?"

"It's a real-time strategy game, where you manage bases and armies... you have to do everything at once. I have a feeling you'd get to Grand Master in no time..."

"...I can't understand a word you're saying, but I suppose it's a compliment?"

Monika leaves a small garnished plate in front of me.

"Tea or coffee?"

"Tea, please. With a milk cloud."

"It's criminal from my point of view, but everyone has different tastes..."

Monika giggles and hands me a steaming mug as well.

"Well... thank you and bon appétit, Monika."

"My pleasure!"

We attack our dishes with hearty appetites, and discuss the schedule of our day.

"At least I'm sure it's not a dream now..."

Monika breathes a sigh of relief.

"You can't imagine how happy I am, Yuu. To be able to sleep with you, share the same house and even have breakfast like this... I never thought it was possible..."

"I confess it's a little bit the same for me... but I'm happy, too. Is there anything in particular you want to do today?"

Since she's never been out of the game, it seems natural to me that we should do in priority whatever Monika wants.

"Mmm... well, I think we should organize our life here a little, don't you?"

I expected her to ask to go out and do a lot of things, but I'm caught off guard.

"Err...what do you mean?"

"I think we need to agree on the basics: cooking, washing dishes, laundry... we also need to go shopping. It may sound boring at first, but I remind you that we live alone here, Yuu. If we don't take things in charge, our parents won't be around to take care of us!"

"You're right. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm a pro at housework: I lived almost alone in the old world myself, considering my family."

Monika plays with the rest of one of her toasts.

"I wasn't particularly worried, I watched you cook last night, after all. But we still have to organize ourselves. It'll save time, and we will be able to spend it together!"

"You're right... as always."

"Besides, I didn't get a chance to practice that often in the game. I can't wait to do it for real!"

We spend the morning making sure we're able to handle the household chores (even if we have memories of it, we'd rather do it in person just to be sure).

Monika is ecstatic about absolutely everything we do. Whether it's programming the dishwasher, the washing machine, handling the utensils or even folding clothes, she shows amazing excitement.

It's like a child with a new Christmas toy or a gamer with a new game: for me, it's everyday life, but for her, it's a new world she has only dreamed of since she was "born".

As her enthusiasm is contagious, I also get caught up in the game. This way, time goes by much faster than I would have imagined, and as noon approaches, we have determined our organization to keep this house clean and tidy.

In order to keep the momentum going, we decide to fill up the fridge, so we go to the konbini nearby.

Like the day before, the weather is still mild, so we don't need to dress warmly to go out.

Even though we have payment cards, Monika insists on withdrawing money from the ATM just to experience it...

Once in the grocery store, Monika's eyes light up and I can almost see stars twinkling in her eyes, in front of the multitude of dishes she has never been able to taste.

Actually, in her reality, I think she must have eaten Natsuki's cupcakes more often than vegetables?

I too share her reaction, as this is my first time in a Japanese convenience store (being a European in the old world). Because of my old memories, the place is both familiar and new.

The shelves are perfectly arranged and filled to perfection, and I too can see things that I've only ever seen on TV or vlogs.

We fill our baskets with what we're interested in (preserves, fresh vegetables, dairy products, a little meat but not too much...) while paying attention to prices and junk food.

Monika is a vegetarian so she is "used" to selecting what she eats with care. And me, as a former student who loves cooking, I have learned to watch my budget (as well as my figure) and to favour home-cooking instead of prepared meals that are as tasteless as they are unhealthy.

After all, being a secret fan of Hachiman d'Oregairu, I've always secretly prepared myself to become a full-time homemaker: it requires a wide range of skills, and managing your food budget is one of them.

By the way, thinking about it, since my girlfriend is a vegetarian, it would be good for me to learn some recipes that could please her...

After doing our grocery shopping for the week, we finally proceed to the cashier's desk.

We politely greet the employee, a student of our age, who gives a shy smile to Monika (who always stands out in public) and has a surprised look on his face when he sees our errands.

"Excuse me, is something wrong?"

Monika, who has also detected the cashier's surprise, smiles politely at him.

The cashier shakes his head.

"Nothing, nothing... it's just that... well, not to be rude... but you've got quite an appetite."

His remark, which isn't mean at all, makes us smile. I don't really feel like I exaggerated, but I read that in Japan it's customary not to overeat, and that's one of the secrets of longevity for their elders.

We thank the cashier and then head home with our bags of food.

On the way back, I take the opportunity to tease Monika a bit.

"So, I hear you have quite an appetite?"

"He was talking to both of us, for your information..."

"Are you sure? I think he wondered how a girl like you could all of it!"

"Stop it, you're making me sound greedy!"

"Wait till I bake you my homemade chocolate fondant before you talk..."

"Can you do it?!"

"Of course, with custard too!"

As we are joking, we come face to face with neighbours chatting next door to our house.

They look like typical housewives: they are politely curious about us.

Jumping at the chance, we greet them and introduce ourselves.

Monika explains to them that despite our "young age" (the majority being 21 in Japan), we live together. They look at her with a perplexed look when they hear this.

I can understand them: we look like a couple coming straight out of an anime, given the circumstances...

As we leave, I hear the whispers of our neighbors: they must be imagining things about us ...

Once back home, we decide not to stop there and start putting away the groceries. This also allows us to agree on where to store the various ingredients.

We then prepare the meal together; during this session with two of us, I have the pleasure of discovering the rice steamer, which is much more practical than cooking it in a pot of water, western style.

As Monika was originally created as a Japanese character, her cooking is "typically" Japanese, while mine is more western inspired.

The resulting meal is as strange as it is good: rice, miso soup, fried potatoes, green beans, rolled omelettes...

Once the food has been eaten and the dishes tidied up, I lie down on the sofa with the desire to take a good nap.

As I close my eyes, Monika slips in beside me and snuggles up against me. I have nothing against it, but I must say that her presence titillates my senses and may prevent me from sleeping...

"Say, Yuu. Do you often nap like this after eating?"

I open my eyes to see that Monika has turned around to face me. Her face is barely two centimeters from mine, and her breath tickles me.

I blush suddenly and try to calm myself down inside.

"Erm... yes. I think I've picked up the habit pretty quickly..."

"Why? Careful, I'm not saying it's wrong, on the contrary. I'm just curious."

"Well... there was a time in my life when I was tired all the time. Whether I slept five or ten hours, I woke up tired, and I tried to sleep everywhere: on the bus, in class, during breaks... and of course, after lunch. Since then it's become a habit and a pleasure: I always feel better after a nap."

"I understand... it's true that it's important to take a break in these cases. It allows the brain to recuperate, to put some order into the ideas and then to tackle the day again!"

Monika notices that my eyes are flickering.

"...I hope I'm not annoying you?"

"No. But your voice is so soft that no matter what you say, it's like a lullaby..."

"Yuu, you cheater. Saying things like that is unfair."

I smile and she strokes my cheek, and, soothed by this contact, I fall asleep without even realizing it.

After sleeping like babies for half an hour, we finally get up from the sofa, somewhat stiff. The sofa is a little too small to accommodate two people like that...

After our morning full of household activities, we decide together with Monika not to leave the house again this afternoon but rather to relax. An afternoon reading is therefore voted unanimously.

Anyway, as it is Sunday, most of the shops and activities are probably closed.

Unlike a lot of Doki Doki Literature Club! players, I have a real attraction for reading. I can read anything, but I obviously have a big weakness for fiction: Japanese light novels or fantasy novels are my favorite passions, as well as manga of all kinds.

We go up to my (our) room with the intention of taking a closer look at my new world library.

Although relatively modest compared to some, my collection is still quite large, with about three hundred different books, half of which are manga.

In front of them, Monika casts an amused glance at me.

"I guess when Natsuki said that manga is literature, you nodded your head at the screen?"

"Nothing can be hidden from you..."

One thing I really appreciate is that the old world and new world series are the same. Apparently, it was decided that my character in this world had the same literary tastes.

Although because of my new memories, I know indirectly the sequel of these series, I take a pleasure to take several volumes to go read them on the floor, leaning against my bed.

As for Monika, she chooses a series about religion, economics and war tactics before lying on the bed.

Seen like that, it doesn't really seem like a couple. Real couples, when they go to bed, do something a little more intimate: we just read on our own, yet united by an invisible bond.

I can, during all this time, feel the atmosphere that I imagined in the literature club...

I used to imagine that couples spent their time kissing, or xxxxxx or going on dates. My relationship with Monika is both new and old, but above all very special: I don't feel like we'll do things like everyone else...

Suddenly, Monika looks up.

"Say, Yuu... do you believe in God?"

This question, so simple and yet so profound, asked out of the blue, takes me by surprise.

But I pull myself together before I open my mouth and close it abruptly.

Do I believe in God?

The question deserves serious thought, after all.

"... Not really."

"An honest answer, even if it doesn't really answer the question..."

Monika laughs softly, then puts her head in the palm of her arms.

"Personally... I've never believed it. I mean... not in the Christian religion, or the Muslim religion, or the Jewish religion, or even the Greek gods... I mean the existence of a higher entity that created the world and guided everyone's choices. I mean, already, we have no concrete proof of the existence of one or more gods."

Monika sighs.

"I think it's a creation of men, to have something to relate to. Of course, after that, some people used it for bad causes or to have power over others. And then there are just too many different gods for that to be credible. There must be dozens of different religions with different gods and different mythologies... and each one claims that theirs is the only one, but they can't provide any proof of what they're saying..."

"Yeah... I know what you mean. As soon as you make that argument with a believer, he tells you it's a matter of faith."

I remember the heated debates I used to have with my very religious grandparents about that.

"That's right! But a believer's faith is of little value to those who don't, right? Besides, what horrifies me the most is their famous "it's God's will". That's very convenient. Here. When there's something improbable, they turn it into a miracle and say that this is the action of their god. And when they're wrong or something goes wrong, same! It's God's will, so everything is fine."

I feel my stomach tightening. What Monika says resonates with what I think and what I've experienced.

"There are millions of innocent people suffering in this world. They are dying every day and they pray harder than anyone else. Yet God, or whoever he is, prefers to let them suffer. But that, too, is God's will to hear the believers. For all these reasons, I've never believed in God. At least in the moments when I was alone in the game and thought about it."

Monika stops, pensively.

"Yet... since we've been reunited, I've had doubts. I doubt my unbelief. If there really is no God in this world, capable of performing miracles... then how is it that we have been reunited? Not once, but twice? How is that possible?"

"Monika..."

"Originally, I'm just... a fictional, original, but fictional character in a video game. I'm not supposed to have a conscience of my own, just a bunch of data. The game's original because I'm original, but I'm not supposed to be... alive. And yet I am."

I can see her looking at her hands as if they weren't hers.

"I have memories, abilities, personality, but this is not normal. I'm not supposed to be here. And... stranger yet, you're here too, Yuu, or whatever your name is. How Why?"

Her voice gets shaky.

"I... love you. My heart throbs when I'm with you, when I think of you. I feel good when I talk to you, when we kiss, whatever we do. These feelings... they're not data or lies. They're real... I know that. They are no longer coded lines of dialogue. How did they change? How is it that we were both transported here in what appears to be a daydream, which we are now living?"

Monika's eyes, two abysses of confusion, cast a questioning glance at me, as if I hold the answers.

"All this... if it is not the work of God, or what we call it... then what is it?"

Monika's question is followed by a deep silence. Reflecting on what she said, I weigh and weigh each of the words I'm about to say.

"God, eh... I think, he doesn't exist. Like you, I've opposed myself a whole bunch of logical arguments in the last few years, but it all started with one thing."

I'm digging through my memories so I can express my thoughts better.

"In the old world... My parents got divorced. Damn, that alone is strange, because in the new one, they're not..."

I have a bitter smile on my face, sorry I strayed from the subject before I even started.

"Actually, I was adopted into the old world. I didn't find out about it very late, but when I was told, I must have been five or six years old, I didn't feel any shock. On the contrary, I told myself that I was the happiest child to be adopted by those parents, who loved me and loved each other equally."

I smile at that memory, and so does Monika, at such innocence.

"I remember that one day, when I was seven... I saw a report on TV about the divorce of couples. Obviously, I got scared. I told my mother about it, and she promised me it would never happen to them. As a child, my parents' word was sacred, so... it reassured me right away."

My smile instantly fades. Monika's too. She seems to know what's coming next.

"A year later, one evening... my parents, after incessant arguing which I listened to from my room, came to see me to tell me they were divorcing. You can imagine the shock..."

My hands are folded. I feel my heart tightening at the mere mention of this memory.

"For a happy child, blessed with his parents love, to witness their divorce is excruciating... and for me, who always had my mother's promise in mind, you can imagine it. All this time, despite their clashes, I clung to that promise. And then my mother broke this promise, along with my whole world."

I'm experiencing exactly what I felt at that moment, even though it's been more than 10 years since it happened.

"I believed in God at that time, but not like a faithful believer... rather in the sense that I had accepted his existence: my parents took me to church every Sunday. That night... and the nights that followed, for a good month... I prayed, prayed to God harder and longer than I had ever prayed before, that my parents would love each other again, that they would reconsider their decision. Even in the years that followed, I prayed, I dreamt that we would all live together again. But it never happened, and God never answered me."

I let out a grim chuckle.

"You see, Monika, the reason of my unbelief is not logical reasoning... but only childish resentment. I've always wondered what I did to God so he would make me suffer so much. It's selfish, it's futile... but it's one of the reasons I don't believe in God."

Monika remains silent, then finally gets up and embraces me.

"...despite the fact that we are in another world... even though time has passed since then... I feel that you are still hurt, Yuu."

"..."

Monika is right.

Talking about it made me realize it. I've never accepted that, or really got over it. Somewhere inside me, the child is always sad, always angry.

"If I could take all your pain inside me and make it go away... I would. I promise you... I would."

I hug Monika a little harder.

"I know you would. And know that I would do it for you, too."

"I know."

Finally, we part, a little embarrassed but happy. Monika tilts her head to the side.

"Sorry to insist, Yuu, but... I understand you don't believe in God, but... what happened to us, this miracle that reunited us... did it, like me... make you reconsider what you think about it?"

"...no. There's something else that makes me not believe, that I will never believe in God."

"I'm not trying to persuade you to believe, nor I am convinced myself. I'm just wondering. Then what do you think about this?"

"I think there's another explanation. One that doesn't cross our minds, or that we don't know... ...but I'm convinced it's not God's work."

Suddenly, as I think back about something, I let out a sneer.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Uh, I know you're not trying, but you remind me of an apostle..."

"...I don't know if that's a compliment. Is that what makes you laugh?"

"No. Someone I knew, who was a priest, once told me that people that had been converted to religion were the most annoying ones. Since they spend their time telling others how they, who weren't originally believers, became believers. And... no offense, but for a moment you sounded just like them!"

Monika has a sulky pout.

"Thank you for the compliment..."

"Sorry, sorry."

"Serves me right for asking you a serious question!"

I spend the next fifteen minutes apologizing to Monika, before she forgives me.

To show her my repentance, that same evening I prepare chocolate cookies, perfectly baked. It's like buying my forgiveness, but as long as it works...

In the evening, as I put away the leftover dishes before going upstairs to join Monika who prepares the bed, I think back about the question she asked me.

( _Then what do you think about this?_ )

I can't help but sigh.

"I think God usually grants us happiness only to deprive us of it afterwards..."


	4. Colorful

**MONDAY**.

"Yuu. Wake up."

"…"

"Yuu. It's morning. Wake up."

"…"

I hear a distant voice trying to pull me out of my sleep. But it is not strong enough to pull me out of my near lethargic state.

My bed has taken me hostage and refuses to set me free.

Suddenly, the voice resounds amplified, its power multiplied by ten.

"Yuu ~"

It's not a scream, but a whisper that would have been amplified, in a voice so cute that even in my state, I can feel my heart leaping in my chest.

"?!"

I open my eyes, confused, to see hair and a blinding light. I immediately close my eyes, moaning.

After carefully getting used to the light, I finally understand what's going on.

Monika, who must have tried to wake me several times, even opening the shutters to fill the room with light, is standing in front of me, her hands on her hips and a smile on her lips.

When she failed, she finally took her cutest voice and whispered directly into my ear.

I remain frozen, blissful, in front of her mischievous face. But hey, thinking back, there are worse things than being woken up like that by your girlfriend in the morning...

Faced with the cold, I hasten to draw the blanket to myself. Monika, on the other hand, is already fully dressed, wearing only jeans and a green top that nicely matches her eyes.

"I suppose there is no need to ask you if you slept well..."

As if to answer Monika's question, I let out a yawn.

"What time is it?"

"Almost nine o'clock. Since you didn't seem eager to wake up, I thought I'd better do it for you."

She hesitates, then tilts her head on the side.

"I hope you're not one of those people who can sleep in until noon?"

I shake my head in denial.

"No, nine o'clock is usually my top. I can't stand thinking I'm wasting my time in bed when I could be doing something else."

Although I speak honestly, Monika doesn't seem convinced.

"You didn't really seem like someone tortured by the idea of wasting his morning..."

"I mean it, but maybe I'm just not used to this body..."

Monika cocks an eyebrow.

"It's true that... we joke about it, but you changed your body when you landed in this world. How do you feel now? Anything unusual?"

"I was only half joking... I feel great, really!"

Seeing that I can't completely reassure Monika, I get up and puff out my chest.

"You see? It's all right!"

Seeing me fooling around, Monika eases off a little.

"Well, I trust you. But if you feel anything, just let me know, okay?"

I bow my head at her inquisitive gaze.

"Yes, my lady."

"You idiot."

"Yes, my lady."

While Monika goes downstairs to make breakfast, I go into the bathroom to wash up then air out our bed and room before getting dressed. Once done with these tasks, I eventually join her.

It's true that we have a week's holiday left together. Finally, it's a good thing that Monika woke me up: instead of wasting time sleeping, I will rather spend it with her.

I didn't tell her, but the reason I overslept this morning is that I spent yesterday evening looking for ideas about how to make this day a great one.

As I noticed, Monika is still a "child" in this world. She knows a lot, has seen a lot of things on the internet, from her reality, but in the end she was unable to do anything, let alone with me.

I don't just want her to have fun: I want her to create eternal memories for herself, which she will be able to remember with a smile in the future.

Yes, it may be a bit extreme, especially considering the activities I have in stock for her, which are far from being outstanding...

But it's like some books, films or music: a few lines, instruments or even a scene are enough to make us feel emotions so powerful that we are affected forever.

Once breakfast is over and the dishes are done, I tell Monika that I want us to go outside.

"All right, but where?"

"It's a surprise. In fact, several surprises."

"Oh, I see... well, I trust you, Yuu!"

I check before leaving that I have enough cash, then invite Monika to come along.

I was lucky enough to be reincarnated in Japan after all. So I might as well discover everything I've only seen in anime so far!

After taking the bus for fifteen minutes, we reach the city centre and finish the rest of the trip on foot.

Once we reach our destination, I pause to observe Monika's reaction.

"Yuu... it's..."

"The biggest game center within 50 miles! Four floors full of games, a dart bar, bowling alley, karaoke and even a batting center!"

I proudly announce and detail to Monika the contents of the gigantic building in front of us, all lit up with neon lights, in which, on this holiday day, hundreds of people enter and leave despite the early hour.

I admit I'm a little worried: I hope I don't sound like a total geek.

My worries are pointless: Monika's face expresses nothing but curiosity, and her eyes sparkle with impatience.

"What are we waiting for?"

"Uh... well, what do you want to try?"

"Everything."

"Ah."

Monika's straight answer tells me I did well to bring more money than originally planned.

"Well then... let our date begin!"

"Isn't that line in a light novel?"

"...yes. But I really wanted to say it."

"Aha!"

We decide to start with a bowling match, which I barely manage to win (Monika, having studied the subject in her free time, turned out to be a much tougher opponent than expected).

Still boiling with energy, we continue with a session at the batting center.

Monika's batter helmet suits her so well that she once again attracts the attention of all the lonely males in the room; she shows an uncommon vigour and misses very few balls (even if the machine is set at low speed).

As I watch her ferociously hitting a ball, I think I'd do well to avoid upsetting her in the future.

Finally exhausted after working our arms so hard, we decide to go for something less tiring and go to the dart bar. Monika insists on ordering iced coffees herself to refresh us, refusing to let me do anything (I suspect she simply doesn't want me to pay for everything).

Like Monika, I enjoy coffee, unlike most people our age who prefer sodas or even alcohol.

We don't drink it for its high energy values, but for the taste: fortunately, finding quality coffee here is not hard.

I have memories in which I was struggling to find quality coffee at the right price...

It's also the first time I've ever played a real game of darts. Where I come from, most of the time, the goal is simply to make as many points as possible and aiming for the center of the target.

Whereas in a real darts game, you have to reach zero by subtracting your points little by little, without throwing your arrows randomly.

As this is our first time together, we both fail miserably: however, we are so full of laughter at each of our failures that the experience is so fun we manage to ignore the pitying looks of the other players.

As we still have all the arcade rooms to explore, we decide not to leave the building and have lunch at the bar instead.

Insisting for paying again, Monika decides to order a mixed salad and some vegetarian tapas: remembering my promise in extremis, I ask her to get me the same thing as her (having originally opted for a burger).

I eventually understand why she's so eager to order herself, as she did previously for the coffees. Having been locked in a game with NPCs for so long, she craves for human contact... even if it's with a waiter. I'm a bit hurt, to be honest, not being able to be enough for her...

While having lunch in the crowded bar, we recall the highlights of this morning.

Monika's first strike during our bowling match, which received a standing ovation from the entire crowd.

Her reaction when she found out I was taking her picture with her batting helmet on.

The ball that grazed my crotch after mistakenly setting the pitching machine to maximum power.

The way Monika very kindly shot down a boy who had the boldness to ask her if she was free.

The moment when I threw my dart blindly, trying to show off, and when it bounced against the wall, almost blinded me.

I smile so much that my cheeks hurt. I'm happy to see Monika so happy. I feel I can finally give her the happiness she deserves.

She notices it immediately.

"Yuu. You have a goofy look on your face."

Monika finishes her lemon drink while smiling at me.

"How could I remain unmoved when this is one of the best moments of my life?"

"Tch, you're exaggerating!"

"Not really..."

Before letting myself be carried away by melancholy, I suggest that, once our plates are cleaned, we head straight to the arcade.

Being rather literary, Monika is not really interested in video games, however, as she is very open-minded, she welcomes my proposal with enthusiasm.

We go to the coin machine, and I'm delighted to note that today is a special day, where you get two tokens for the price of one.

Having filled small buckets with coins, we find ourselves at the entrance to the first actual room, and Monika opens her eyes in surprise.

I can understand her, though: hundreds of different machines, each one shining brighter than the next, are lined up in front of us: and hundreds of players are battling, shooting at virtual enemies, building combos, dancing or beating drums on rhythm games.

"Ladies first... So, what do you want to try?"

"Mmmh... this!"

Monika chooses a racing game; Mario Kart in an arcade version. We settle in and start our race right away.

"Come on, I'll take... Daisy! Don't you think she looks a bit like me, Yuu?"

"Yes... you're a real princess, too."

"Stop it!"

I giggle softly, realising I've grown accustomed to responding to Monika's provocations with even more embarrassing lines.

We must fight fire with fire!

Having opted for Paratroopa, I leave it to Monika to choose the map.

"Which one would you recommend? You've played it before, right?"

"Uh, I've played the franchise, yes, but never on arcade. I trust you, pick one that feels right!"

"So... this one."

As the loading screen disappears to make way for the starting line, I feel like giving up my place to someone else.

Monika chose Rainbow Road. One of the worst possible tracks on Mario Kart. The reason is simple: the circuit loops in all directions, is very narrow and the risks of falling off the road (and therefore losing a lot of time compared to other players) are very high.

(Come on... I've got to do well!)

I tighten my grip on the steering wheel and get ready to press the accelerator pedal so I don't miss my dashing start.

* * *

"But? I fell again!"

"If you could have avoided pushing me before..."

"Sorry... well, no, that's the game!"

"But?! I've barely respawn that I've just got pushed out again!"

Despite all my efforts, the race turns into a nightmare. Driving on the Rainbow Road in normal times is not easy, but several factors add up to it: the fact that I'm only a casual player, that the computers have been set to very hard, and finally, that I'm not at all used to playing on arcade with a real steering wheel.

Monika also suffers from all these handicaps, in addition to the fact that she's completely new to the game.

We end up seventh and eighth respectively, with Monika having barely completed the map once.

Finally, we leave our seats.

"I'll never let you choose the map again..."

"I think it's better this way, yes... I guess you can't be strong everywhere..."

We exchange a smirk and, deciding to laugh about it, we move on to another game.

At Monika's insistence, we take turns choosing a game.

This way, we try several games in succession.

We start with a co-operative survival one, where we shoot zombies in a mansion with plastic pistols. The game proves to be surprisingly captivating, and we almost finish the last level.

Then we try a game of basketball throwing, where we have to put as many baskets as possible in a set time. We quickly give up precision and just throw every ball that comes back to us at a stroke of luck.

Still on the theme of sport, I take Monika to the famous boxing machine, where you have to hit with all your might to measure your strength.

Monika, who has perfect balance, delivers a devastating punch that shatters the previous record, and triggers a wave of applause in the room.

After she finishes greeting her new fans, she decides to try a puck / air hockey game, and although the fight is fierce, I narrowly win, 7 to 6.

Like a child in an amusement park, I then rush to the booths from which we pilot virtual Gundam, giant robots.

With Monika, being far from being experts, we get shrivelled by more experienced players on a battlefield. Indeed, all the booths are connected, we don't face bots.

In order not to risk facing veterans again, Monika then opts for a one-on-one Street Fighter game.

I spam the hadouken, against which she turns out to be powerless, not knowing the mechanics of the game. To make it up to me, I suggest her to end on a cooperative game: a rhythm game where you have to hit on drums in rhythm with the music.

Although we are synchronous, due to our lack of experience, we don't manage to get a correct score, but we don't care: experiencing so many new things together is enough to make us smile stupidly.

To end the day on a high note, we go to a karaoke box.

Unlike the rest of the world, karaoke is firmly established in Japanese culture among young people and is part of the classic activities.

For example, in my old world, since I was a Westerner, most students went to play soccer after class.

Here, although this also exists, it is just as normal to go to a karaoke, as well as in the evenings, rather than going to a club.

As this is only a part of the complex, the karaoke here is smaller than the buildings that are entirely dedicated to it.

Nevertheless, there are about ten boxes, and luckily, one of them is free.

I try to book our seats with the cashier, but he ignores me brilliantly.

While pretending not to hear me, he nevertheless proposes a box to each girl who passes within his reach ...

I manage to control my irritation and sigh with a resigned smile.

(... there's only one way, so...)

I'm going back to Monika.

"What is it, Yuu? Is it full?"

"Not really... but I think the cashier only agrees to talk to girls. He must be hoping to pick up..."

"In that case, I'll go, it'll be settled faster."

"Yes, but... I don't want to let you go either..."

"Why? If I believe you, if you insist, you'll wait for hours!"

"I don't want another guy peeping at my girlfriend!"

Monika, not the least offended, has a radiant smile.

"You know you're cute when you're jealous?"

"...I give up, do what you want..."

After paying our entrance fees (as expected, Monika's charm had a devastating effect on this filthy cashier), and having a drink, we settle down and start getting familiar with the screen that allows us to pick the songs we want.

We have microphones and some kind of maracas for the rhythm, but as there are only two of us, we decide to sing together.

I discover with surprise that karaoke not only offers j-pop and trendy songs, but also songs from anime.

Monika, who uses the remote control to scroll through the songs in English, sighs.

"Too bad there's not Your Reality..."

I carelessly scratch my cheek with my microphone.

"It's normal...DDLC has only been really popular in the US, and a little bit in Europe... Although I think some Japanese artists on pixiv are going wild..."

Monika's eyes are getting small.

"Rule 34, right?"

"...I wish you hadn't mentioned that..."

"I can't really ignore it, you know..."

I change the subject by returning to the subject of the songs. We alternate "purely" Japanese songs, and English songs (my English being however less perfect than Monika's).

As I expected, Monika's voice is a real delight, as powerful as melodious; watching her sing is a bewitching sight. She could easily become a diva, or an idol here...

I try not to disgrace her, but to my pleasant surprise, I manage to master the voice of this body that wasn't mine, even though I'm far from equal to Monika.

At the end of several songs, I feel something strange, past the first false notes and tempo errors.

It's all about singing together, and yet... a warmth radiates in my chest, and I feel that something is changing.

But what?

It's not until we start the last song that I finally notice it.

We manage to harmonize without even looking at each other.

Our voices become one, as do our minds, only punctuated by the lyrics and the music.

There's more to it than that.

When I see Monika, so radiant, singing with all her strength, her voice merging into mine, I have the impression that the little room in which we are standing lights up, that a torrent of colours invades our universe, and a memory springs from my mind.

I read a manga, where there was a girl who, when she sang, spread wings of light of an incredible scale.

I never thought I would witness such a scene myself.

No one would believe me if I told about it.

If I took a picture, I'm sure that nothing would be seen on it.

But as we tackle the final chorus of the song together...

I would swear that Monika also spreads her wings, and that a halo of light surrounds her, like an angel descended from heaven, more dazzling than the sun.

A broad smile also illuminates my face, as I continue to sing with all my strength.

_"Let's race past the frontline!_

_We're heading toward the light of the rising sun."_

(I see them...)

_"Even if I don't know what "happiness" is right now,_

_I'll just live myself to the fullest."_

(...wings of light...)

_"There's no regret._

_Just look before us."_

(...of unbelievable size!)

_"It ain't gonna end,_

_We've gotta live out the rest of our lives!"_

We hold the last note until our voices eventually break.

As the last notes of the music die, Monika's wings disappear, the light goes away, and the world seems darker, colder than it was a few seconds before.

I'm probably not the only one who noticed this, because Monika turns to me, looking haggard.

"Yuu..."

"... Yes?"

"...what was that?"

"Wings of light..."

"Huh?"

I realize I just came up with a line worthy of a manga, and laugh embarrassingly.

"I do not know, actually ... and you may think I'm crazy, but I saw ... wings of light coming out of your back, during the last chorus ..."

Monika, still holding her microphone, is staring at me very seriously.

"I believe you."

"Eh?"

"I was hesitant to tell you this too, but... when I looked at you... I thought I saw you... as if surrounded by warmth..."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure how to explain it... have you ever seen hot air, on the surface of water? Well... it looked like it. Like a... halo of wind."

"...it doesn't make any sense."

"Neither does your story about wings..."

"Fair enough..."

Unable to explain precisely the phenomena we have seen in each other, we exchange embarrassed smiles before leaving the karaoke, still dizzy after such a strange experience.

* * *

When we finally leave the game center, we finally realize how fast the time has gone by.

The sun is already starting to set; it's past six o'clock in the evening. Even though we are exhausted by all these activities, we decide together not to go straight home and go to a café instead.

I ask Monika to sit down and order for both of us while I go to the toilet.

It was definitely an emotional day...

(In every sense of the word...)

I have a bitter smile when I wash my hands.

Apparently it hasn't disappeared when I reach our table after spotting Monika as she frowns slightly, over the two glasses of lemonade in front of her.

"Yuu? Is something wrong?"

"...nothing escapes you, apparently."

"...never."

I meditate on the words I'm about to say before I answer.

"It's in my nature... when I'm having a great time, I automatically think about the bad ones, and make the comparison. I'm sorry, but..."

"...is this one of the bad times you were talking about? I'm not forcing you, but if you need to talk about it..."

I'm shaking my head.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I think I've ruined the mood enough... I want this day to be a great memory for both of us!"

I force myself to smile to dissipate the discomfort I've caused.

I grab my glass and take a sip of lemonade, which refreshes my throat and clears my head.

"Say, Yuu..."

"Yes?"

"What was your favorite karaoke song?"

Surprised by the question, I dig into my memories. I'm a pretty demanding person when it comes to music.

Music has to combine not only a catchy or pleasant rhythm, but also a story.

I very rarely appreciate music that has no meaning behind it (roughly 90% of music made for the general public...).

We have sung all kinds of music today, but... if I had to pick one...

"The last one."

"Why? Because you thought I was turning into an angel?"

"Yes, but not that. How can I say... I loved the lyrics. It's a story, but a story that makes sense, that inspires you..."

This song tells the story of two people who, tired of living their boring, joyless days repeating forever, decide to leave everything behind, get into their pickup and head east, where the sun sets.

In spite of their doubts, they don't care about the future and continue to press on where the sun sets, until they distance the horizon.

Despite the hesitations they have, the failures they encounter along the way, they don't stop and continue to press the gas pedal, living the rest of their lives to the fullest.

"I know what you mean... me too."

"I'm not surprised!"

Looking back, the reason that song resonates so deeply with Monika and I is because we lived the same thing as the characters in that song.

We were each locked into a dull daily routine with no real hope of getting out of it.

And like them, in spite of all these ordeals, we found a light at the end of our path...

After finishing our drinks, we decide this time to go home for good. The bus we take is almost empty, which, with the night beginning to fall, gives an even more romantic atmosphere to this trip.

As I look out of the window, looking at the city without really seeing it, Monika puts her head on my shoulder.

Instinctively, my hand grasps hers, and a warmth invades me. Is it my heartbeat I hear, or hers?

Hypnotized by this contact, we narrowly miss our stop and hurtle down, hilarious.

We arrive in the street of my house. However, after a few steps, I notice that Monika is no longer by my side.

Intrigued, I turn around.

"Monika?"

She's a few metres behind me, leaning against a wall.

"Yuu... I don't feel very-"

Seeing her stagger, I immediately jump at her and catch her as she collapses, passing my arm behind her back.

"Monika?!"

Caught in a whiff of anxiety, not knowing what to do, I call out to her, still holding her back from falling.

"It's all right... I'm just a little... tired..."

Every word she says is a whisper, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Should I call an ambulance? Take her to the hospital in a taxi? Or should I...

Her breath doesn't seem shaky to me, but she can barely keep her eyes open. Carefully, I put my hand on her forehead. She doesn't seem to have a fever.

"Wait! I'll get help!"

"No... I assure you it's okay... I just need to sleep a little. Help me walk... all the way home."

"But..."

Admittedly, she doesn't have any symptoms that would indicate anything serious, but...

"You trust me... don't you?"

Seeing the person I love most in the world suffer and encouraging me to ignore it tears me apart terribly. Especially if she says that to me...

"...okay, but promise me that if there's any sign that it's getting worse, we'll call a doctor."

"I promise."

Putting my arm over her shoulder, I help her hobble to the front step of the house, where I finally decide to carry her on my back.

Suddenly I feel her face resting on my neck, while her hair tickles me, involuntarily making me shiver.

"Hehe... are you embarrassed?..."

"How could I not be?!"

"There's got to be at least some upside to being exhausted."

"No dubious jokes, please..."

Monika kisses me on the neck, taking advantage of my embarrassment and laughing at my distress.

I carry her to our bed, and put her on fully clothed, after having comfortably cushioned her with a pillow.

As it is almost dark, I turn on the bedside table lamp to keep the darkness at bay, without blinding Monika with a too strong light.

Then I sit down on the floor so that I can be at her bedside.

"Are you sure you're all right? Do you need anything?"

In spite of her self-confidence, I'm still worried. How long had she held back from-

"Ah... a bit of water, please. I don't know why, after all we've been drinking, my throat's dry..."

"Right away!"

I get Monika a glass of water, that she sips slowly.

I watch her, but I can't get rid of the anxiety I feel.

"Don't make that face, Yuu. I'm not a dying anime character."

"I never said that!"

"Yes, but your face betrays you. I know you're worried, and somehow it touches me that you are... but it also makes me sad."

"…"

"I know I can't ask you not to worry, you wouldn't make it. So instead, just smile at me, okay?"

"Now, that really looks like the line of a character who's about to die..."

"Oops!"

Bending to Monika's orders, I force myself to smile.

"I feel like an idiot."

"Well..."

"You see!"

Nevertheless, this exchange managed to lighten some of the weight pressing down on my chest.

I sit and cross my legs.

A few seconds later, Monika took a slightly more serious tone.

"I'm sorry... it's my fault. I'm clearly not used to spending so much time outdoors."

"Ah..."

"I may be, on the paper, a healthy girl... the fact is, it was the first time I'd ever done so much things. Too much emotion, probably... by the way, now that you're taking care of me, I feel better already!"

"I just laid you down on the bed and brought you a glass of water..."

However, little by little, my worries are disappearing. In fact, looking back... Monika never went outside of the game.

Even though, as she said, she is theoretically in great shape, just like me, she must not be used to using her body in this way.

I curse myself for my stupidity and ignorance.

Taking her to do all those things was too much... I wanted her to have fun, but in the end, I-

"?!"

Two wet pearls fall down along Monika's cheeks, leaving a trail behind them, and, reaching her chin, fall onto her shirt.

Within seconds, a torrent of tears pours down her face, moistening her cheeks and even reaching her lips.

But in spite of this, Monika has a sad smile, which her tears only embellish.

"Monika? What's the matter? What's..."

"I'm sorry, Yuu... I can't..."

Standing up on the pillow that holds her back, she wipes her eyes with her arm, gently.

When her gaze plunges back into mine, I discern an infinite happiness.

"Everything we did today... it was... so simple... but so wonderful. When I was locked in the game, I often fantasized about all the things we could do together. I thought it would be fun. I never thought that doing such simple things could bring me so much happiness."

She sniffs delicately.

"I never thought the world could be so colorful, so beautiful... with you. So... thank you, Yuu."

Without saying a word, I smile at her, feeling tears coming to my eyes too, and put my hand awkwardly on her heart. I feel like we're connected.

"Thank you for your love, and for your kindness."

"... hey, that's my line, Monika..."

We close our eyes almost at the same time.

Her lips taste like her tears, and yet, I sense no sadness coming from her.

A few minutes later, exhausted, Monika falls asleep, still smiling.

I realized three things today.

The first, that I don't know Monika as well as I thought I did... but that I still have the time to do so.

The second... that I love her even more than I thought I did.

The third...

I think about our day, and all the events that took place. About what the future holds for both of us.

"I really didn't understand anything..."


	5. Past

**TUESDAY**

The next day, Monika suggested a date at the library. Given the previous day's high volume of physical activity, she thought it would be nice to make up for it by having a fairly quiet day without staying locked in our house.

I have to say that I agree with her, because this morning my muscles were all sore. Well, that says a lot about how wimpy I am in this world...

Besides, it would be a shame for the president of the literature club and her boyfriend not to go to the library once in a while.

When I think about it, it's quite ironic for me to think this way, as my ingame character in the old world basically joined the literature club just to hit on the cute girls there...

And I think I would have done the same thing in his place.

The library is only a 15-minute walk from my house. Even though I ask Monika to take the bus because of how stiff my body is, she doesn't want to hear about it. She retorts that for three stops, it is cheaper, healthier for the planet and for us to walk.

She's right, but that doesn't make it any easier to bear.

Monika seems to be in great shape. Whereas last night she was so weakened that I had to carry her, now I'm a ruin and she's leading the march. My pride is taking a real beating.

Like most public buildings here, the library, which is actually a mediatheque, is impeccably tidy. It is a two-storey building and a basement, with glass walls, so that they reflect the sunlight that shines today.

Apparently, the basement is reserved for the multimedia space, the ground floor for reception and administrative services, the first floor for manga and youth literature, and the second floor for the "adult" library.

Up to 5 books or CD/DVDs from each floor can be borrowed free of charge, provided they are returned within a fortnight, with a simple card (which we have, of course).

I remember I had such a library in my old world. I used to go there a lot when I was a kid, but as I grew up and had more buying power, I built up my own libraries instead.

As we approach the entrance (well, Monika is waiting for me and I drag myself), I notice two familiar silhouettes coming out of the building.

Apparently, they notice us too, because they are immediately heading towards us.

"Hello."

"Hi!"

In front of us are Yuri and Natsuki, whom I hadn't seen since I played the game in the old world.

Having given up their uniforms, they're wearing casual outfits: short jeans and Pokémon T-shirt for Natsuki, black top and matching skirt for Yuri.

Natsuki, for her part, is carrying ten volumes of manga: I bet she asked Yuri's permission to borrow some more for her...

"Hello, Yuri, Natsuki!"

I join them but can't help it on Yuri's side, whom I originally chose when I played.

Monika, obviously, notices it, and elbows me discreetly, causing the other two to frown.

"Are you all right? We haven't seen each other since last week, but it feels like it's been forever!"

"Hi, there."

As I greet them, I see that Monika is radiant. Maybe it's because she knows that in this world her friends from the book club aren't robots, but living beings.

"And what are you doing looking good?"

"We go to the library, like you."

"The mediatheque..."

"Ah, that's right. The mediatheque."

Monika laughs slightly, giving me an embarrassed look.

Yuri looks at me.

"We, you mean, that..."

"Err... yes... it's a date."

"…"

Yuri and Natsuki seem to be halfway between shock and bewilderment.

"A date... you mean... you're... well, you're going out... together?"

"Yes!"

Another silence.

"Perhaps... they don't know about it, in this world?"

I whisper to Monika's attention.

"You're probably right, from the look on their faces..."

After a few seconds of embarrassed silence, Natsuki and Yuri swinging on their feet, the latter decides to clear her throat.

"Well, uh... we'll leave you alone then... it was good to see you..."

"Why don't the four of us try to go out?"

"...uh...I don't know... why not..."

Apparently, they're not too enthusiastic about Monika's proposal. That's normal: knowing that I almost dated both of them and that we're in the same club...

I've already been on dates where I was just holding the candle, and there was nothing fun about it, so I get them.

As they walk away together, I hear them muttering to each other.

"Do you think she was serious?

"Apparently, she was..."

Monika and I are smiling.

"I can understand them... when you think about it, the game was just a battlefield for the privilege of being with you."

"I feel like a womanizer when you put it like that..."

"Remind me again why you joined the book club?"

"...I'm glad you won, Monika."

"Flattery won't get you anywhere!"

Feeling that the mood is beginning to wane, I suggest we don't linger here and go to the mediatheque without delay.

As soon as we walk through the front door, we're hit by the heat. I suspected it a bit: glass walls are nice and all, but they turn the building into a greenhouse as soon as there is a little too much sun...

The receptionists who greet us look sweaty. I offer a silent prayer for their souls who still have to spend the whole day here, and I walk with Monika to the stairs leading to the upper floors.

We walk up to the second floor and realize that it is even hotter there.

Hesitant at first, we finally decide to take a book for two (at Monika's urging). It is said that reading a book for two allows us to get closer...

In any case, once we are sitting at a table, and the book is between us, we are definitely closer! To my right, I can admire Monika's beautiful face and eyes. I blame it on the book, which is too small...blame? No, in fact, I thank it! Small books are the best!

Our faces almost touch; this shouldn't embarrass me, but I am hypnotized by Monika's slightly rosy cheeks, her locks of hair falling down her temples and down to her chest.

Luckily the floor is almost deserted, except for a few people looking for books on the shelves, and some employees who are in charge of handing them out. Apart from that, the atmosphere is rather intimate...

"Yuu".

"Yes?"

"This is the book you're supposed to be looking at."

"Between you and a book, which one do you think I give priority to?"

"Haa..."

Monika sighs, even though I said what I was feeling, without giving it a second thought!

I finally force myself to immerse myself in reading with her. I have a bit of trouble at the beginning of the book, because it uses a lot of psychological terms that I find hard to identify.

But little by little, I let myself be carried away by the words.

The author of this book describes how, we have much more power than we think. That we actually spend a lot of time looking for excuses to stay in our comfort zone, but that we can be proactive if we change our paradigms, our way of seeing and considering things.

For example, we can write our own destiny, our own choices, anticipate their consequences, and thus, instead of just reacting to events, provoke them and benefit from them.

When you say it like that, it sounds easy, and I immediately want to tell the author that it's not that simple.

But apparently he anticipated this reaction and asks the reader to ask himself what would make us react like this: is it the result of a material, financial situation?

If so, do we have the power by our actions to change it?

In a job, for example, the majority of people, when faced with a task that is beyond their competence, or when they do not have an immediate answer, do not really try to solve it: instead, they spend their time preparing excuses for the moment when they will be blamed.

I didn't know, somebody had told me to, I had other things to do...

Kind of like when the teacher at school catches us not doing our homework. Rather than learn from it or look for a solution, we try to protect ourselves and our self-esteem by justifying ourselves, or, in the worst case, by blaming someone else.

This experience of reading together is much more interesting than I expected, to be honest.

We are not yet discussing the paragraphs we are reading, but in some way, I do not know how, I feel that we are connected through these lines that we explore together.

Since Monika's hand is at the bottom right-hand page of the book, she is the one who turns the pages. Unconsciously, I put my hand on her other hand, and each time I finish reading, I press it lightly, so as not to disturb her reading.

We finally finish the chapter dedicated to this subject and raise our heads almost at the same time. I can see in Monika's eyes that she is just waiting to talk about it.

I push my chair back slightly and stretch out. We've been reading for almost half an hour, sitting there motionless, in the end...

"So, Yuu, what did you think?"

"Ladies first."

"How gallant!"

"I am a gentleman."

Monika giggles, then puts a finger on her chin, looking thoughtful.

"I must say I liked what he said very much. That no matter what the situation, we are in control of our own destiny, and by changing the way we approach a problem and act, we can achieve anything."

I think I see where she's going with this.

"After all... Even if it was just a game, that's what I did in the old world, right? I was just living in a permanent loop, devoid of any hope... ...and when I realized that, when I saw you, I decided to change things."

Monika's smile twists slightly.

"Well, it's true that it didn't all happen like in a dream, but... in any case, I changed things, I broke that false reality. And so have you, Yuu."

"Huh?"

"Well yes... If you hadn't decided to come back for me afterwards... If you hadn't written that program to talk to me..."

She's blushing.

"I would have been alone forever. I could never have heard your words, received your confession and accepted your love..."

Damn.

It's my turn to blush this time.

Monika seems to be guessing my thoughts and sticks out her tongue, as if to tell me it's her victory.

I nod humbly to admit my defeat.

"And so, Yuu, what did you think?"

"Well... in spite of what he says... I still think it's not that simple. That sometimes, no matter how you look at a problem, how you try to rewrite it, well, it's not up to you... and you suffer."

"Which is?"

Monika gives me a questioning look.

I bite my lip. I'd tried to be vague on purpose, but...

I'm not sure.

I think back to what the author said, about running away from your problems by justifying yourself, and so... I don't know if I'd better tell the counter-example to his theory that I have in mind.

Why do I even remember that, anyway?

These are really the last memories I wanted to have from my old world...

Monika's eyes don't let go of me. I see in her eyes a curiosity, but also a pure worry.

The hand that until then had turned the pages of the book takes mine.

"Yuu... remember the other day when I asked you if you regretted your old world?"

"...yes."

"And you told me, that was a story that wasn't exactly a happy one."

"...yes."

"Is this... is this related to what you just told me?"

On the spot, her insight impresses me as much as it annoys me. I nod my head.

Yet she still won't let go of my hand.

"You promised you would tell me."

"That's right, I did..."

"Will you do it?"

"May...maybe later."

For the first time, I look away and avoid her gaze.

"Later when?"

"I don't know."

"Yuu. Please look at me."

I do, and I see Monika's eyes are filled with tenderness and compassion.

"Yuu... don't run away from your past. Don't try to forget it. I can see that's what you're trying to do, but... running away from your past, denying it existed, doesn't solve anything."

Cornered, panicked, I suddenly break free.

"That's easy for you to say!"

Monika is startled by my scream, and her chair scrapes noisily across the floor. An employee who was sorting books next door glances in our direction, frowning.

I realize too late what I have just said, and how cruel my words were.

Monika, even though she has "come" to life, has not really "lived" her past. She was created as a character with a past, but without having experienced it.

Even here, her memories, her parents... she only sees them in her memory, but she doesn't retain any "sensation" of it.

Somehow, she hasn't really lived. Not having a past, or a past that seems illusory like hers... is probably worse than having a past that you regret.

And me, like an idiot...

Before she can say anything, I'm taking her hand back in mine.

"I'm... deeply sorry for what I just said, Monika. I apologize to you. It doesn't represent what I think... It was stupid from me to say this. Can you forgive me?..."

I don't want to hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want...

One heartbeat goes out, then two. Finally, Monika puts her other hand on my cheek.

"I know you didn't mean it, Yuu. I'll forgive you... if you tell me."

Her voice is as soft as silk.

"If you tell me why... you don't believe we can still change our destiny... and why you don't regret your old world."

"It's cruel... but I deserve it, I suppose..."

I'm delving into the memories I've tried so far to repress.

"I already told you my parents got divorced when I was a kid, and the effect it had on me."

"Yes, I..."

"Do you know the saying that when you're in pain, you either hurt yourself or others?"

"Of course... after all, I, myself, have..."

"I'm sorry. That was a stupid question, of course you know it..."

I have a sour smile on my face in front of my stupidity. Now I am definitely chaining up the blunders.

"It probably comes from the fact that when we feel anger, sorrow, or any other strong negative feeling and we can't get rid of it... we either take it, and it hurts us from the inside, or we dump it on others."

That's kind of what I'd done ten seconds earlier, when I said stupid things to Monika because of my fears and regrets.

"At that time, I was completely confused. But I didn't want to cause my parents any more problems. They were already suffering a lot from their divorce, so I kept everything to myself. I don't know how many nights I spent crying, haha... I was eight or nine at the time."

Monika doesn't laugh at all.

I clear my throat.

"The thing is... well, one of the things is that I had an older brother, who chose to do the opposite. At the time of the divorce, he was thirteen years old. He took all his anger and grief out on others... including my mother and me. He also started going out, drinking, taking drugs... and developing behavioral problems. He began to become more cruel to me. He started demanding money from me, beating me when he was in a bad mood, blackmailing me."

I can feel my stomach locking with the mere mention of those memories I wish I'd forgotten in this world.

"As he dropped out of school early, two years later, he became bitter, violent. My mother being more fragile, he stayed at her home, instead of respecting the alternating custody. He'd get up at 4:00 pm., and when she'd come home exhausted from work, he'd abuse her verbally every single day."

I can barely contain the bitterness and anger in my voice, and as Monika, notices it, I force myself to calm down.

"Over the years, I've tried everything. Talking to him, confronting him, listening to him, ignoring him... all in vain. No matter the method used, he ended up becoming violent, verbally or physically. By the time I was fourteen, it got worse. Between a fourteen year old and an eighteen year old, there's quite a physical difference. He used to pick on my mother because he knew I would defend her. My mother would end up crying at least four nights a week when I was at her house and wouldn't let me talk back to him, so it would not get any worse."

"Yuu..."

"Can you imagine? Being totally helpless to protect someone you love, and when trying to, resulting in only hurting them more?"

I can feel the tears coming in my eyes as I try to hold them back. I don't want to cry about it.

"And then, shortly after... one morning, when my mother had already left for work, he came home. He hadn't slept all night, judging by the look on his face."

Monika's lip is trembling slightly. Maybe she already knows what's going to happen, knowing Natsuki's similar story.

"He came to my room smiling. When I saw him, I was afraid. My instinct told me that something was wrong. And he was right. He started beating me, like he'd never done before. No matter how much I screamed, the house was empty. No one came to help me."

Just talking about it now, I can see him as clearly as I did on that cursed day.

"After that, he started choking me. His arm would reach around and crush my throat, and he'd strangle me to the point of unconsciousness, drop me on the floor, let me breathe for a few seconds, and then he'd do it again. I still remember his smile and what he used to say: "no, don't faint, hold on a little. Come on, recover. There, all right? Good, one more time."

I notice that Monika's eyes are moist too. I didn't want to share this with her.

I realize, I wanted to carry and carry this burden alone.

"I wondered at that moment, what I had done to deserve this."

I clench my fist hard.

"I don't know how long it lasted. All I know is that at one point, in a desperate effort, I tried to run away. But when I somehow got to the door of the house, I couldn't get out. He had locked it and took the key away. It was like a horror movie. He caught up with me, and that was all I could remember."

The silence is so heavy I can almost touch it.

"I woke up at the hospital, in an observation room with a horrible headache, making me want to vomit at the slightest movement. I saw that a bandage had been wrapped around my head. The first thing I saw was my mother, crying. She told me that my brother had called an ambulance, that I fell down the stairs and hit my head on the floor."

"But..."

"Yes. No one was fooled. Especially since it was an excuse straight out of a bad movie, right? And the marks on my neck, no staircase in the world could have made them."

"No... I meant... you didn't say anything?You could have... gone to the police, or..."

"I could have. But, how can I put it... I knew somewhere inside me that if I did... he'd kill me. I'm not kidding, it was like a certainty planted in my heart. I knew he would kill me eventually."

I realize, speaking of killing, well, I did kill the mood.I hurry to bring this morbid story to a conclusion.

"In the end, I moved in with my father and only started seeing my mother once a month."

Monika tilts her head to the side.

"But why? You-"

"Yes, I wanted to protect her. But I realized that by trying to protect her the way I did, I was only hurting her more. In fact, I was hurting her just by being there. When I was there, my brother was attacking me by attacking her, and I understood this long afterwards. Monika... I know it's cruel to say this, but you never saw your mother cry, and then realized afterwards that it was partly your fault."

Monika nods gently.

"I thought I was protecting her, when all I was doing was protecting my pride, my sense of duty. Protecting her truly meant stopping her from being an indirect victim, from suffering. And for proof? After I left, my bastard brother calmed down..."

I tilt my head back to look at the ceiling.

"The hardest part is... my mom blamed me. I could feel it, when we were seeing each other. She was angry at me for leaving, for leaving her alone with him, even though he wasn't violent anymore. And I couldn't tell her that I did it to protect her."

I smile sadly.

"I've always admired, in anime and books, the heroes who make difficult decisions to protect others. Even if they have to endure it all by themselves, if they have to be hated by the people they love, it's all for the greater good. I thought it was beautiful, cool!... ...but when the time came for me to make that choice, there was nothing cool about it."

Finally, I point to the book that's still on the table.

"That's why, I tell myself, those are only fancy words, in the end. I really tried everything I could to change things. But tell me, when we suffered all these years, when my mother cried, when I got strangled... how did seeing things differently help me, huh? How did it help me? Was it up to me?!"

I realize I raised my voice again, and I pick myself up right away. I am probably wrong, once again.

The purpose of this book is not to give miracle advices to solve every situation, so what I am saying is not relevant here... I am just overwhelmed by these feelings...again.

"At that time... I wanted help, and I couldn't do anything. But no one came. That's why, to see someone write that it's up to us and lecture us like that... even if he's right about some things, I don't think it's entirely fair."

Monika throws herself at me so hard she almost knocks me down. Her hands grasp my shoulders and squeeze them with a strength I didn't know she had. So much that I feel the back of my chair crack gently under the pressure.

Her green eyes give me a compassionate and passionnate gaze.

"Yuu. You're still blaming yourself deep down. I know you do. You think you shouldn't have left, even to protect your mother from your brother. But... I know it was the least worst choice. I know you didn't do it to protect yourself. If you wanted to protect yourself, you never would have gotten in the way in the first place."

Monika hesitates for a moment.

"So... please don't blame yourself. All this... is behind you now. I am not asking you to forget it, but don't let it blind you. We are here to build a new future together."

"Monika..."

A hot flush overcomes me, as well as a feeling of peace, as if I had been freed from a weight.

I understand that she spoke the words not that I wanted to, but that I needed to hear.

She's right. She understood it so easily... that I was still mad at myself.

Deep down inside, I always wondered if this choice was the right one. If I had done the right thing leaving to protect her...

And now, looking at it with a new perspective... I think I did the right thing.

Sure, I could have stayed to reassure my mother, to be with her every day... but what good would it have done, if we had lived each day in fear?

If every night she would have ended up crying? What if, one day, I found myself not in the emergency room, but at the morgue?

No. I would have solved a short-term problem... but the long-term consequences would have been disastrous.

As I'm about to answer, I hear footsteps, and a strict looking librarian pulls up in front of us.

"Uh-oh..."

The lady pinches her lips in front of our rather incongruous posture, in a bookcase: embraced on a chair, our faces almost touching...

She apparently is serious thinking about speaking her mind bluntly, and stares at us.

Finally, she inspires and speaks in a coldly polite voice.

"Please, would you be so kind as not to lean on the chair like that?"

"O-of course..."

"Right away..."

Under her piercing gaze, we part hastily; she leaves without giving us a glance.

We stand for a while, swinging on one foot, like two children caught stealing candy.

And then...

"Thank you, Monika. I love you."

Monika turns her head suddenly towards me. She smiles.

"...nice surprise attack, Yuu."

"Right?"

As I return to my chair, Monika gives me a smile.

"Thank you for keeping your promise, Yuu. I'm sorry, on the other hand, that I forced this on you."

I sigh.

"It's not so bad... like you said, I can't forget or run away from the past. "It reminds me of something you said to me when we spoke... about how kind I was. That the first person who found you was just as kind."

"Yes, and I still do. You're kind!"

I sit down and play with the cover of the book we read.

"If I'm kind, as you say, it's mostly for me. I tend to help others, not because I want them to be happy, but because I would like someone to help me if I were in their shoes."

I've been looking for a better way to explain how I feel.

"Kind of like balancing my karma, if you know what I mean? I don't wish for anyone what my brother did to me, which is why I'm trying to behave "well". It's selfish, as a reason, in the end."

"...in that case, it's quite strange, because I can assure you that your selfishness saved me, Yuu. If what you're doing is being selfish... then please continue to be selfish with me."

Monika doesn't blink.

"If you're the one asking for it..."

As we laugh, I wonder how many sentences worthy of a galge we've already exchanged.

And even though I know that these childish talks will one day come to an end, I pray that they will continue for as long as possible.

* * *

While I hesitate about which books I want to borrow (mostly novels on Greek mythology), Monika is conscientiously practicing poetry on the same table we sit at.

There is nothing definitive, only fragments of sentences, words, and even calligraphy. Apparently, she gives her imagination free rein, looking for ideas, trying things out.

Given her concentration, I am careful not to disturb her, but she must feel my gaze on her because she raises her head and smiles at me.

"Yes, Yuu?"

"I didn't want to bother you..."

"But you don't bother me!"

With a cheering smile on my face, I take the plunge.

"I was just wondering if you... didn't feel like trying to write something different from poetry?"

"What do you mean, different from poetry?"

I point to his paper.

"Well, I feel like all we do is poetry... even in the club, that's all we wrote in the end. Didn't you ever feel like writing, I don't know, an adventure novel... or a romance novel?"

Monika has a thoughtful look on her face.

"Of course I have. I like reading and writing. If I prefer poems, it's because I find them better for expressing my feelings at the moment. Although I'd also like to create a world with my own hands, and tell a story..."

I have a little laugh.

"I think every kid who's an avid reader has tried to imitate one of his favourite authors and write a book before he realises it wasn't that simple...I did it myself. But, Monika, I think... you could do it. Succeed, I mean."

"What do you mean, succeed?"

I walk up to her and point to her emerald eyes.

"I feel as if... you can see. See what's important, see what needs to be expressed... you showed me that earlier. You can put into words what I want, what I can't express. Your poems are beautiful, and with this ability that you have... I think if you write a story, you can show people the heart of that story."

I realize that I'm expressing myself awkwardly. Compared to her, I'm not very eloquent after all. I'm not an OP main character, who can throw out cool or philosophical phrases.

My best shot would probably "people die when they are killed"…

"Some people have great ideas, but because they can't express them, people don't understand them. It's the same with stories, I think. You can have a touching, beautiful, sad, epic story... if you can't reveal the heart of the story to others, then it's no use. But you, Monika, I think you could do it better than anyone else. For you can see what needs to be expressed..."

I expect her to make an incomprehensible pout, but to my surprise, she nods her head slowly.

I guess she can really see...

"I'm touched by your compliments, Yuu, and I know you mean them, but... the thing is, I'm still worried that I don't really have a story idea. Like you said, a story needs a heart, something you want to tell, but..."

"You had inspiration for your poems, though, and when you know what was going on, you can appreciate them even more..."

Monika shakes her head gently.

"Yes, but my poems... expressed my loneliness, my pain of being stuck in this illusory world... my love for you. All those things I couldn't express openly in the game, I wrote in my poems."

"Oh..."

"But now that those fears are gone, and I'm with you... I don't know... putting them into a poem, would somehow make no sense to me."

Monika blushes slightly, but I think I know what she means.

The poems were a kind of escape route, where she could express whatever she was repressing. Now that we're together, there's no need to do that anymore...

After a moment's silence, I have an idea.

"In that case... why don't you tell our story, Monika?"

"Huh?"

"Our whole story... the one we've lived until now... why don't you write it down? I don't believe Doki Doki Literature Club! exists in this world, so no one can accuse you of plagiarism. Why don't you put our story down on paper? I don't know if it would be successful, but... I think it's a beautiful story, don't you?"

"Our story..."

I encourage her with a smile.

"Besides, it would make us all remember, wouldn't it? We could reread it, so we could remember exactly what happened. Even if it seems fresh to us for now, the memories fade over time. Anyway, I'd love to be able to read this, written by you! Or you could enter a contest with it!"

Little by little, Monika's expression changes, and her eyes begin to shine.

"Yes... to tell our story... that would be interesting! Of course, we'd have to change some names, and remove passages that are a bit too traumatic for everyone to read..."

I can already see her plotting it in her head.

"But... a story where hope and despair and love mingle... it would be..."

I think I flipped her switch. Monika starts mumbling to herself, taking bits of notes, crossing out others...

She must probably see it by now. This mental tree, when you think of a story, with branches for each idea that all give new branches, to the point that the whole thing becomes gigantic...

"Yuu..."

"Yes?"

"Thank you! You're a genius!"

"I know."

"Idiot!"

"Yes."

Monika gives me a radiant smile.

"I'll do it... I'll write our story. I promise it's going to be great!"

"I'm sure it will... by the way, if you need a hand, I'm here. I'm not as good as you, but..."

"Of course you're going to help me. You're still in the Literature Club, after all!"

"That's right, I am..."

Ahh, I really was set up this entire time.

Set up by this amazing girl.

The day I opened this game and stepped into the literature club, I fell into her clutches...

But I don't regret anything.

With an impulse as surprising as it is unexpected, we spend the rest of the day at the library, passionately discussing the plan of the story, the elements we want to incorporate, the key moments?

I never thought Monika would buy my idea so quickly and with such enthusiasm.

It probably shows how important our meeting is to her... as it is to me.

I realize that I was right.

Monika has a real talent for writing, in any field.

Her pen and her vision of things are impressive, and, without wishing to get too far ahead of myself, I have the feeling that she could become a great writer if she wanted to.

Of course, I also want us to enjoy our time together, since we haven't been able to do so before.

But to talk to her, to help her create, to see her so happy, fills me with a strange euphoria.

I want to help her discover more fun things, more of this world in which we can write stories as well as our own.

That's why, if writing gives her pleasure, then I will support her as best I can.

After all...

Even without knowing the future 13 seconds after, we'll just live ourselves to the fullest.


	6. Copycat

**WEDNESDAY**

It has been four days now since Yuu and I landed in this new world.

I must confess that I still find it hard to believe. If someone had told me this, or if I had read it, I would have thought it was a beautiful story, but a story all the same. A fiction.

And yet, here we are, reunited. Yuu, the "player", and me, Monika, from the Literature Club.

This is a most unsettling experience: I keep my memories of the world in which I was just a simple bunch of lines of code trapped in a game, but also of this new world, in which I have an identity, a life, memories...

Even my physical sensations are increased tenfold because, since the game, I had the impression that everything was blurred. Real, but fuzzy. Not anymore!

I have done horrible things, even if it was not to real people but to programmed personalities. I was hated, hated for that by many people, for simply trying to escape this cruel fate.

But... a god, or fate? gave me a second chance by granting my only wish.

To be reunited with the person who saved me.

The player... Yuu. I had only ever seen him through his avatar, even when he reunited with me... but that was enough to make me happy.

By the way, Yuu is kind of in the same situation as me. He also has memories of both worlds here. He gave up everything to come and join me... and from what I understand, he had not a happy past.

Which is why, instead of becoming embittered and mean, hating the whole world as some people do, he shows so much empathy.

He would not want anyone to be mean to him, so he is not mean to anyone. He would like to be helped in difficult situations, so he helps people.

I was not wrong about him. That is why I love him, and will always love him, no matter what he thinks.

You could call it blind love, but it is not. I trust him, and I know he trusts me back. At first, it may have been a desperate love, but...

He saw through my lies, my lies to protect him, to protect me. He saw me do things that a lot of people would condemn... but he did not.

Yuu realized I was not doing it for fun, or out of selfishness. He understood that even though I was the most smiling, I was the most desperate.

When people rejected me, deleted me, insulted me, even harassed me on my Twitter account... Yuu came to talk to me.

He came to me, to tell me he understood me. And that, despite that, he loved me.

I challenge anyone in my position not to be more in love with him after that...

I also know that he is doing everything he can, in this new world, to make me happy. He has been through his share of hardships, and yet he does not care about himself. He only cares about me.

Again, how could I not love him for that?...

* * *

The day before, we only returned home when the mediatheque closed, as enthusiastic as we were about working on our new project.

Even after arriving home, we barely ate, only discussing the famous story.

Today, without even consulting each other, we settle down in our room, and pick up right where we left off the day before.

Yuu is as great as I thought. He has managed to inspire us both, and what was just a vague idea has become a palpable project, which excites us every time we talk about it.

First of all, we have to decide on the end of the story. Anyway, this is how we decided to proceed with Yuu.

Before we can build something, we need to know where we are going.

This is like building a bridge: if you do not know where it has to go, what it has to connect, it hardly makes sense, and you are more likely to get confused or change your mind as you go on.

You also have to know where you are starting from. The story has to evolve, the characters have to change, they cannot stay the same... building a story is not as simple as it seems.

Of course, I am talking about a story that has meaning, coherence, constant unity; one can very well write an incoherent story that does not respect his own universe ...

But this is not the kind of story I want to write.

Our story, is not like that.

I patiently explain to him that most successful works follow a classic hero cycle.

In short, the hero lives a daily life, his daily life is turned upside down so he goes on an adventure, he undergoes hardships, trains, beats the bad guys, and everything goes back to normal with a new daily life, but he has evolved in the meantime.

If you look at the popular works, this is exactly it.

Most known works, whether cinematographic or literary, respect this code.

Of course, others break it and do very well, but for beginners like us, it provides a solid base.

After all, this is the first time I decided to write a complete story... thanks to Yuu.

For us, the ending is clear: we are reunited and living the happy life we are living right now!

This is a dream that came true, after all. He and I, separated by the wall of reality, finally reunited, our love having transcended dimensions... it sounds a little cheesy when you say it like that, but... this is what I think.

A love that seemed impossible, a love that came true. Not impossible because they do not love each other, or because of a family situation...

No, this is a love that seemed impossible, because of the barrier of reality. And I, who was ready to give up this love to protect Yuu... finally got the privilege of being able to hug him, to feel him, to love him.

This happy ending, that no one could have imagined... is what we are aiming for. What we have achieved here.

I tease Yuu a little with this, but the truth is, I am as embarrassed as he is.

Our love is real, but declaring your love to someone so daringly is not easy.

Talking about the interactions of our avatars in our story is a bit like diving into each other's skin.

We also have to give important details in order to imagine ourselves, to really imagine the characters, without falling into laborious descriptions.

In a case like this, in order to give more dynamism to the dialogues, we prefer to privilege the language tics of each character so that it is more dynamic.

Yuu jokingly said that, but I can see that he would like us to submit our story to a contest... I think he would like to see it become known. He is cute.

So, we have to write not just for us: anyone should be able to read our story, this story, and understand it. So we have to pay attention to the characters, the events and the way we describe them.

This is always the concern in descriptions, whether it is in a poem, a short story, a novel.

We, the authors, clearly visualize what we want to describe: but our mission is to convey it to the readers in the best possible way, by choosing the most appropriate expressions and words.

Something I observed during all this time spent on my Twitter account was how people did not understand each other.

Even though they were exchanging dozens of responses per minute, misunderstandings and disagreements were very common.

In my opinion, just because they are in opposition does not mean they argue. You can argue with a person, disagree with them and exchange views.

From what I saw, people, in a hurry to respond, chose their words hastily, instead of taking the time to construct their answers.

In fact, the words they chose did not fully or correctly reflect their opinion, thus creating misunderstandings, and these misunderstandings were themselves interpreted as aggression or insults, creating an infernal spiral.

As SMS language and short responses became the norm on this, making constructed, long, even well-spelled responses became considered snobbish behaviour and people no longer did so out of fear of rejection.

Or else they would accused of playing with words... but I think this is wrong.

If we all made an effort to choose our words to best express how we feel, there would be less misunderstandings... well, this is my opinion.

The opinion of an ancient artificial intelligence that became "human" with implanted memories may not be so relevant in this field...

In any case, Yuu agrees with me: we must be careful not to fall into this trap.

There is also what we want to express.

Writing allows us to pass on messages of all kinds. Values, political messages, positive and negative emotions, lessons...

On our side, after having discussed it at length, we do not want to "simply" splash others with our happiness (even if this idea makes Yuu laugh a lot).

Life, existence is not easy. We both know it: horrible things can happen, mark us, destroy us.

But in spite of everything, there are beautiful things. You can create them yourself... I am convinced of it. Even if our existence is miserable, poor, as long as we live, there is a possibility to change things.

I am not giving false optimistic advice like "if you want to, you can".

For example, it is easy for us to say that in an advanced country, where there is no fear of hunger or thirst. To say this to people living in poor countries, where every day is a test of survival, would be cruel in that sense.

I simply believe that there is no finality other than death and that as long as we breathe, as long as we exist, there is potential. No more, no less.

A writer by the name of Keiichi Sigsawa said: The world is not beautiful: and that, in a way, lends it a sort of beauty.

I am convinced that everyone can find this beauty.

This is what we want to convey in this story.

Hope.

Even if everything seems against you, even if the reality seems impossible to change, continue to act with this hope and bring about this miracle yourself.

What I felt when Yuu created this chat program to come find me...

A dark world, suddenly lit by a glimmer of hope... what a beautiful theme for a story!

* * *

**THURSDAY**

The next morning, I am woken up, groggy, by the rays of the sun. I am all dressed up, and I feel like I need a good shower.

As I yawn, I notice that I am alone in bed, but quickly locate Yuu.

He has literally fallen asleep on his desk, his pen having slipped out of his fingers.

I thought this kind of thing only happens in books or movies, but he proved me wrong.

Nevertheless, Yuu sleeps peacefully, a few locks of hair blocking his forehead.

He looks cute like this. To think that he kept working and thinking about ideas until... until what time?

I concentrate, and the memories come quickly back to me.

The night before, I went to lie down for a few minutes to rest, but I understand that sleep took me by surprise.

Yuu had to stay awake longer, because he took the trouble to tuck me in like a child... indeed, he really is...

In the end, we spent all day yesterday talking, making plans, writing down ideas, remarks to tell our story.

Our story is not long enough to make a big volume, but it could become a small novel...

Or at least we think so.

I get up quietly and take a look at the alarm clock. It is only about quarter past eight. But I do not know what time I went to bed...

My gaze is naturally drawn to Yuu, whose back is slowly lifting up.

I approach him as silently as possible and bring my face close to his to observe him.

A wave of tenderness overwhelms me, and I only want to hold him close to me to make sure, once again, that he is real.

His appearance in this world can be described as plain. It is true that, in retrospect, I think I am more muscular than him...

Still, this is fun. His avatar, whom he originally played and who joined the literature club, was the insipid prototype of a main character in a drag game.

Someone who had nothing for himself and who attracted girls like flies.

And now, even in this new world, he plays the same avatar. He looks like straight out of a manga.

What kind of boy has hair with locks like that, so straight without any treatment?... And what about his golden eyes... you could mistake him for a cosplayer.

But that hardly seems to shock anyone here. No one has ever remarked on it... maybe it is a feature of this new world too?

Anyway... no one has ever said anything to him about this, but I do notice the looks we get everywhere we go.

Surprised looks... but are they surprised by how we look, or by the fact that we are together?

Both are highly probable... or both at the same time.

After all, in all modesty, I really do not look like a Japanese person, with my green eyes and long coral brown hair.

Perhaps Yuu's most distinctive feature is his golden eyes. We really have to make a surprising pair...

Finally, I decide to wake him up by gently shaking his shoulder.

I have the impression that I spend my time to wake him up, lately... I would like him to wake me up too...

May the first vision of my day be his face...

Yuu moans and flutters her eyes, before finally waking up.

"Mmmh... Monika?"

"Hello, Yuu."

"Ah... good morning..."

He straightens up, stretches for a long time on his chair, apparently stiff. Then he scratches his head while yawning.

"Sorry you had to wake me up again... what time?..."

"Almost half past eight."

"Phew... it's not as bad as I thought..."

He gets up and takes a few steps.

"Damn, I feel like my body weighs a ton..."

"Considering you slept at your desk, this is not surprising. You could have joined me..."

"Haha...sorry, I still had tons of ideas!"

As Yuu rubs his eyes swollen from lack of sleep, I cannot help but worry.

"Yuu... I know you really want us to do this together, and I appreciate it... but take care of yourself, okay?"

"It's okay, it's not like I'm risking my life by sleeping a little less..."

"I know..."

I know this is not the case. What worries me, deep down, is that I am sure he would not hesitate to do it if it happened.

Indeed, from what I have seen and what he has told me, Yuu is unbalanced because he does not hesitate to protect others and sacrifice himself.

Even if this choice tears him apart, hurts him, if this is the right thing to do, he will do it.

One could find this trait noble, beautiful, attractive, and it is true, in part. But more than anything, it is worrying.

I do not want him to sacrifice himself for me. I want him to stay healthy, I want him to stay close to me.

That's why I will do everything I can to make his life easier. I want us to be happy together.

"Well, let's make some breakfast and get back to it?"

Yuu suggests it while stretching his aching limbs.

I'm looking at his desk we shared yesterday, crammed with notes, post-its, first drafts.

This is when I make my decision.

"No. How about we step outside instead?"

"How about that? But... I think we should strike while the iron's still hot, don't you?"

"That's what we did all day yesterday... we had a lot of ideas, but we also need to take a break so we can have time to meditate on them, and more importantly, get our minds off of them so we can attack with fresh eyes."

Even if you have the motivation, overwork does not get you anywhere. It is a bit like an employee who has 30,000 files, who wants to do them, who has the will, but whose body does not keep up.

Taking breaks is important.

Yuu ponders over it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I know it means as much to you as I do, but I also want to get out for a bit!"

"If that's what you want, then with pleasure! Any ideas, by the way?"

"Two... that are pretty cliche! But for now, you are right. Breakfast... and a shower."

"Ah... yes. We should also air the room a little, right?"

"...Yuu, if that's a way to tell me I stink, then it is very rude."

"... No! It's just that... well... we didn't do it yesterday, we stayed locked up and..."

"Hahaha!"

When he realizes I am making fun of him, he sighs and smiles. Another point for me!

Yuu volunteered to make breakfast while I go take a shower. We may have a bathtub (the Japanese are apparently fans of baths), but I prefer the shower this time.

I may appreciate them (especially when Yuu has bathed in it before), the shower consumes much less water, and in this case, I do not have too much time to stay half an hour in the bath.

After washing and dressing thoroughly (with jeans and a brown sweater, the weather being a bit chillier this morning) I go downstairs to inform Yuu that the place is free.

He prepared a rather sweet breakfast this morning: buns, toasts, butter, jam, cereals, tea and coffee.

As I am rather careful with my weight, I nibble some toast and break a bun, with a cup of hot coffee.

"Tell me, Yuu."

"Yes?"

"How was breakfast at your place?"

"How was it?"

Yuu, stuffing spoonfuls of cereal in his mouth, frowns.

"Well, with your family... did everyone eat at the same time? Did you prepare the same thing for everyone, or did everyone get what they wanted?"

"Ah, I get it. Hm, before the divorce, everyone ate lunch together, necessarily, since we were quite small... and we chose different things. Afterwards..."

I discreetly bite my lip, hoping that I do not bring back bad memories of his parents' divorce and the difficult time he went through because of his brother.

"Afterwards, I often ate breakfast alone. Not because others were not available, but because I preferred solitude. Eating while reading a good book, for example... it was my little pleasure, especially when things weren't going well at home."

Yuu waves his spoon.

"It's a bit in my character, deep down. I have no problem talking to people, I appreciate it, but I like to be alone once in a while. The strangest thing is during the holidays... I never enjoy solitude as much as when there are so many people around me. It's a little strange, don't you think, Monika?"

"Unusual, actually... it's true that when they're in a group, people tend to try to stand out, to be the centre of attention... if I understand correctly... the more people around, the more you prefer to enjoy your solitude?"

"Yes... you might think I'm agoraphobic, or even asocial, but I have no problem interacting with other people, though. I'd say what I enjoy is watching other people have fun, making sure they enjoy it."

He laughs and swallows a bite of cereal, causing him to cough for several seconds.

"Come to think of it, at every party I've been to, I've spent more time doing favors or tidying up because I liked it than dancing or drinking. I remember one time I pretended to be a waiter... hehe."

"Uh... each to his own...

I can't help but think that this is really unusual. Even at times when he is supposed to be having fun, he prefers to help others... am I worrying too much, or...?

I put my questions aside and finish my coffee.

"Come on, get in the shower and get dressed, or we'll never leave!"

I feel like I sound like his mother, not his girlfriend.

"Is that your way of telling me I stink?"

"Copycat!"

"Yes."

* * *

"Monika... is that where you want to?..."

"Yes, it is."

We are now in front of a cinema, to which I led Yuu. As the weather's a bit chillier today, we are not the only ones who had the idea, and queues are already forming in front of the counters.

Yuu looks up at the movie that is the most highlighted.

"And this is the movie you want?..."

"Yes."

"Well then..."

I cannot help but giggle at his embarrassed smile.

This can be explained by the fact that the film being released today and headlining is a much-anticipated animated romance film. And, to stick to the cliché, there are almost only couples lining up, like us. A real doki doki atmosphere!

While we start queuing, I tease Yuu by grabbing his arm and sticking to him. I am not really a fan of this "girly" behavior, but I love to watch his reactions.

He does not disappoint me, and even though he pretends not to react, I can see that he blushes slightly.

However, he retaliates by putting his arm behind my back and sticking a finger between my ribs, not very hard, but enough to cause me a little spasm.

He has definitely learned how to fight back!

Yuu chose a rather sober outfit today. He put on a simple t-shirt, black cloth pants and a sweatshirt from a music band, a little too wide for him. He floats a bit in his clothes.

In comparison, the other boys in the couples around us are pretty well dressed, in shirts or jackets.

The same goes for the girls: it's almost like an official dinner, not a movie show... when faced with such opponents, we seriously stand out. People here probably take the cinema much more seriously than we westerners do...

No wonder that many people look at us with a perplexed, even mocking eye.

We stop bickering when we finally get to the box office.

"Hello!"

"Good morning. Two tickets for 5 Centimeters per Second, please."

The teller examines us.

"Of course, but... you know this film is for couples, don't you?"

"We are a couple."

Yuu and I answer in the same voice, slightly irritated by the implication.

Do we not look like a couple, in his eyes? What does he need? That we kiss in public, or that we show up in our wedding outfits?

The man takes a worried look at the line behind us and understands that it is better not to argue.

"Well... that'll be ¥2500."

Since it was my idea, it's my turn to settle this time, especially since Yuu invited me the previous days.

Once we have our tickets, we go on our way, show them to a security guard who barely takes a look at them, so dense is the crowd.

There must be easily a thousand people here...

When we finally reach the hall, we luckily manage to find good seats in the middle row of seats.

We settle down without wasting time in the comfortable armchairs and admire the room all around us. It is so clean that it looks as if it was opened last week.

All around us, people (and especially couples) are chatting happily; the giant screen is on, but is not showing anything for the moment. As for the loudspeakers, they play a little background music.

Yuu, on my right, is sitting comfortably in his armchair.

"Say, Monika."

"Yes?"

"Did you check out the movie, or not at all?"

"No. I never read the synopsis, as a rule. It's a great way to really go on an adventure and discover the work."

"Ooh, I see..."

"In this case, I just saw that this movie was expected and it was for couples. So I thought it would be perfect! I've always wanted to do this... sorry if that's a cliche!"

Yuu has a smile on her face.

"You know all I want to do is to please you."

"That was cliche, too!"

Suddenly, the lights go out. While a slight hubbub reigned in the room, the silence is so instantaneous that it is surprising.

The commercials begin, but neither Yuu nor I are careful not to make any comments.

While my right hand is looking for Yuu's hand on his armrest to surprise him, he takes the initiative by grabbing it and squeezing it as if to tell me that he has captured it...

I answer silently by squeezing his, and, with a smile on my lips, I concentrate on the giant screen, as the film finally begins.

The film is good for couples, but not quite the way I expected.

Rather, it tells the story of two friends in love, whose distance will gradually break the bonds, despite their promise and their respective first love.

Both go through ups and downs, and, despite their promise and feelings, gradually let themselves be carried along by their respective lives, until they are in love with other people.

In the end, as I understand it, the film is meant to be realistic: far from the romance of rosewater films that transcend everything, we are confronted with a cruel, brutal reality.

Sometimes feelings alone are not enough, and do not resist other things.

Inevitably, the end slowly takes shape, and the two friends in love are definitely separated by several walls.

There is no happy ending for them.

Yet, despite this absence of loving moments, the film conceals a rare power. Scenes that may seem insignificant, or on the contrary, cruel, make me feel strong emotions.

Perhaps because, like every person in love in the theater, I'm afraid that this will happen to us?

Maybe I am superimposing myself, superimposing myself on the characters, and therefore feel their pain as if it were my own ?

When the credits finally scroll across the screen, and the lights come back on, a deadly silence reigns over the audience, as if we were all stunned.

And then...

Clap, clap.

One person claps slowly. Then two, three, four... and soon a thunderous applause breaks the silence.

I join in, and Yuu too, and I feel like coming out of a dream.

My heart palpitates, my head is light, I feel slightly euphoric but also weak, as if marked by this torrent of emotions.

I have also lost all notion of time, so much so that the film has absorbed me in its universe... without me even realizing it.

All around us, the spectators are finally starting to leave the theatre. Yuu and I are waiting to go out last, always silent.

Alos that we finally leave the room, hand in hand, contrary to usual, we do not engage in a fiery debate.

Yuu is silent; I guess he is as shaken as I am... and as the other couples who attended the movie.

An almost gloomy atmosphere reigns at the exit. I think everyone, all the lovers feel the same as we do.

All are probably happy, as we are, Yuu and I. And the fear of losing this happiness is what makes them think now.

The reality expressed in this film is that any relationship, no matter how strong it is, is likely to break down, to a greater or lesser extent.

This is just a film, you might say. Or, this is only a book. This is only fiction.

This is what most people tell themselves, in these cases. They dismiss the possibility of these things happening to them by stubbornly refusing to accept them as real...

I do not think that this work is intended to make us cry, or to frighten us... but rather to enjoin us to enjoy our time together, to not hesitate to take the step, so as not to have regrets, or even to avoid that.

"Yuu."

"Yes?"

"It won't happen to us, right? I mean... to drift apart, like this... we'll always be together, right?"

"…"

Yuu does not answer, and a sad shadow runs across his face.

"Yuu?..."

I notice that he is trembling, and anxiety seizes me. Why is he...

Then, little by little, his trembling turns into a giggle, which he can barely hold back.

I blush with understanding.

"Why, you..."

I hammer him on the shoulder with my free hand, as he now laughs out loud.

"If you'd only seen your face!"

"It's not funny!"

He then kisses me on the forehead, so suddenly that it leaves me speechless.

"I'm so sorry," he says. "Here, I hope it makes it up for it."

Malice sparkles in his golden eyes.

I finally regain the use of speech, and force myself to adopt a sulky expression, not wanting to let him get away with it so easily.

"If you think that's enough..."

"I apologize... And to answer your question, of course we'll stay together forever!"

"I prefer that!"

Once again, we attract attention.

I give an elbow to Yuu.

"Look what you've done with your line straight out of a movie!"

"What?! You started it!"

"...it's true."

We keep bickering on the way home, talking about the movie, and cannot wait to enjoy a nice cup of hot coffee at home.

And then after this nice break, I guess we will get back to work!

When I think of all the good things that await us...

Yes, our adventure together has only just begun!


	7. Glory to Mankind!

**FRIDAY**

Today, we are going to the swimming pool with Yuu. It is still a bit cool to go to the beach, so I took a sudden breath and suggested that we go for a swim.I am not naive either, I know that Yuu is dying to see me in a swimsuit too. After all, he is a boy.

At least, he does not hide it.

When I asked him the question, with the purpose of teasing him, he answered me with a very serious face that he would engrave this vision in his memory...

I was very careful not to show him the swimsuit I was going to wear for the occasion. I want it to be a surprise.

However, it was with this argument that I was able to convince him. He was frankly not motivated to go to the pool.

The local pool being too far to walk to, we take the bus once again, sitting side by side, in the early morning.

Just to annoy him, I put my head on his shoulder, but apparently he has gotten used to it, and instead of looking embarrassed, as it was the first time, he seems to take as much comfort from it as I do.

I close my eyes and surrender myself to his warmth, to his heartbeat.

I no longer feel anything, and am content to enjoy this moment of pure happiness.

But ironically, it is at moments like this, when I am truly happy, that a doubt arises in me.

I told Yuu that if I could, I would take all his pain on myself to help her bear it.

He said he would do the same for me.

So...

If I open up to him completely...

If I bother him with my problems...

This is fine, right?...

I do not move nor open my eyes. I am just calling him.

"Yuu..."

"Yes, Monika?"

The sound of his voice, so close to my ear, is reassuring in itself.

"Say, Yuu. Do you think I have a right to be happy?"

No matter how hard I try to live up to his expectations, to be the perfect girlfriend... I am filled with doubts.

That question has often come to my mind these last few days, when I was happy, during all the things we did with Yuu.

I'mI am not sure, in the end, I have the right to taste all this happiness.

This is a question that may sound silly, but I honestly ask myself.

Yuu stays silent for a while, then...

"I don't think I'm capable of judging whether or not someone is entitled to happiness. I don't want to lie to you and make up answers..."

"That's true..."

"However, I can give you my opinion. And my opinion, as your lover, is that you deserve to be happy more than anyone else."

"!"

"Of course, that opinion is not impartial. But I know you, Monika. Less than I think, but more than you think. And I say this with full knowledge of the facts. I love you, and I want you to be happy."

"But... you know me. You know what I've done, even if you've forgiven me for it. I know you've forgiven me, but I... can I really forgive myself for this?"

Yuu's words touch me, but...

"What I did... to Yuri, Sayori and Natsuki. Even if they weren't real, they were my friends, and I..."

I do not believe in divine punishment.

But... I find it hard to accept that I can live happily, like this.

Is that "good"?

Is it "just"?

Can I just say to myself, "everything I've done, I've done out of love and despair", and move on, like I thought in the beginning?

Is that what Yuu would want or would do?

"You say you've forgiven me... but, could you, in my situation, forgive yourself? Ignore the guilt? Whatever it was, I killed my friends, and now I'm living a dream life with you..."

Yuu remains silent for what seems like an eternity.

And then...

"I... probably couldn't."

His answer is as honest as it is short and crude.

"...You too.."

"No. I would continue to bear those sins, and con-tinue to ask myself that question, I think. I would also ask myself if I didn't deserve to be punished."

"So..."

"But, it's only about me. You, Monika... I think you can be strong enough to accept this, and move on."

"I..."

"Do you remember the book we read together? Where the author said that all we had to do was write our own story, take charge of our people, rewrite our principles?"

"Yes, I do..."

"I think you can rewrite yourself. You can decide that yes, you have the right to happiness. You can't erase what you've done, you can't erase the guilt you feel about it... But you can decide that, while you're not forgetting, you can't stop yourself from being happy."

Yuu pauses.

"If you don't do it for yourself, at worst, do it for me. I'd much rather see you happy and smiling. You're much prettier when you smile!"

"And you said you wouldn't give me a made-up answer..."

"True, but this is the truth. Your smile is beautiful, Monika. Then keep smiling for me!"

"You Don Juan..."

I refuse to give Yuu the pleasure of seeing that his surprise attack worked and made my heart palpitate.

"Yuu."

"Yes?"

"Once again... thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for me."

"It should be me saying this..."

I can barely hear Yuu's whisper.

If he asks me...

If it can also make him happy, when I smile...

Then I will do my best to be happy.

"Monika."

"What's the matter?"

"If you could open your eyes and get up... we'll miss the bus stop at the swimming pool."

"Aaah!"

* * *

The swimming pool we are going to is of average size. It is not a water park with dozens of slides, wave pools or artificial rivers.

It has an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a medium sized bath, a children's pool indoors, and a slightly larger pool outdoors with only one slide, as well as a lawn at your disposal.

Although the weather is mild, there is a small north wind; even from outside you can see that the outdoor area is almost deserted.

We enter the building with Yuu, while checking that we have our bathing clothes. After having settled two places, we separate to change our clothes.

Yuu is already putting his things in a locker when I join him in his bathing suit.

When he sees me, his eyes widen.

"So, Yuu? What do you think?"

I take a teasing voice as I turn around. Even if I pretend to be carefree, in reality I am a little nervous about his reaction.

My swimsuit consists of two pieces: the top is striped white and pink, matching the bottom. A pink ribbon replaced the white one that tied my ponytail.

I had hesitated to take something so daring (all the more so since I attracted a lot of attention) but if it is to please him... you have to look good after all.

And I seem to have succeeded, since Yuu's eyes are swaying all over the place, without really knowing what to look at.

"You know, you can rinse your eyes as much as you want, it doesn't bother me."

Yuu's face closes.

Suddenly he kneels down and raises his arms to the sky.

"Glory to mankind!"

His shout attracts many people who contemplate him with an eye half worried, half amused.

"Get up, you idiot!"

"Let me finish imprinting this divine image in my retina!"

"There's plenty of time to do that later!"

I manage to get Yuu up, but he keeps peeking at me.

Geez, I guess I should be happy that he is true to his feelings...

While he is conscientiously putting our belongings in the locker, I take the opportunity to return the favour and examine him.

Yuu took a black swimsuit for the occasion, which is not very original, but it is not like there is a lot of choice for men either.

On the other hand, it allows me to better observe his muscles... well, I should find another word, because he does not really have any.

I remember him complaining about it: in this world, he has the body of the main character of the game, the typically frail boy, with no particular physical attributes, who makes girls fall for no reason.

But now that I see him almost naked, it is even more obvious. It must be said that his clothes usually make him a few centimetres thicker.

However...

My gaze slowly moves up his legs.

I must admit he has a nice little butt.

My eyes keep going up along his body, up to his neck.

And a beautiful collarbone.

…

…

…

What the hell am I thinking?

Embarrassed by my own thoughts, I look away and mentally recite poems to calm myself.

Fortunately, Yuu notices nothing and finishes locking the locker.

We discover that the pool is relatively empty, with only a few dozen people in all.

That is not preventing them, men and women alike, from staring at us (well, especially me). I am used to it now, but I preferred when it was Yuu who looked at me like that...

I head towards the Olympic pool, lined with bleachers, probably for the spectators at the local competitions.

"Why don't we start with a few lengths, just to warm up a little?"

Yuu hardly seems enthusiastic about my proposal.

"Hmm... don't you want us to take a medium bath, to get used to the temperature before?"

"That makes more sense!"

The water in the pool is at the right temperature, and it is easy to get in. It is also the first real time that I taste this sensation: not a bathtub, but a pool...

I am discovering another new thing in this world.

For fun, and especially because there is not many people around to watch us, I enjoy splashing Yuu, just like the girls do in movies or anime.

Yuu, who, unlike me, seems to have trouble getting in, shivers when I splash him.

But, contrary to my expectations, instead of protesting, he lifts with his leg a huge splash of water on me.

The incident quickly degenerates into a full-blown water fight, until a swimming instructor intervenes and asks us to stop.

Yuu stops in the middle of the pool, submerged to the waist, and leans on the edge, sighing.

I join him and stick myself against him. I think it is the first time that our skins touch like this...

"...It's embarrassing, you know."

I can feel Yuu's heart racing. Hmm, so it does not leave him indifferent in this kind of case.

"But we've done it before, though.

"Yes, but not... in a bathing suit.

"All the more reason to enjoy it."

"Tsk..."

On the other side of the pool, a child runs past, very quickly caught up and reprimanded by his mother, who tells him to walk so as not to slip.

"Monika, do you like to swim?"

"Well... I'd say so. In my memories, in my background, I feel I do... but as you know, my "written" story only gives me memories, not real feelings."

"Ah, that's right... well, I'm glad you can do that."

"And you, Yuu? Do you like to swim?"

"Only where I can stand, yes."

"You're not exactly an athletic type..."

"You notice it only now?"

Yuu giggles.

"I don't like the pool, but I have nothing against the thermal baths."

"Thermal baths?"

"Yes. Resorts where the goal isn't to do laps but to enjoy the facilities to relax and unwind. Bubble baths, saunas, ice water tanks,... where you can sit and bubble all day long."

"Ohh... kind of like a spa!"

"Yes, but no masseurs or body treatments, just water. Well, it's expensive, and I've only been there twice in the old world, but... I have great memories of it."

"Well, since we're in Japan, there's probably similar things, given their passion for bathing."

Yuu has a sour smile.

"Yes, I've already asked around, but as I told you, it costs an arm and a leg. Are you ready to eat cup noodles for a month, if we ever get there?"

"Ah..."

Actually, we will have to postpone this project...

After a while, as Yuu does not seem to be willing to move, I take a look at his face and see that he has closed his eyes.

He must surely be relaxing, or thinking about something important.

"Ahh... I was hoping for a chance to see Yuri and Natsuki in swimsuits too..."

"Idiot!"

I elbow him in the ribs before getting out of the pool. The truth is, I am more upset with myself for expecting him to behave seriously...

Without a moment's hesitation, I leave him there to go swimming in the Olympic pool.

This is the first time I have been in a pool this deep, which is a little intimidating.

I dive several times to hit the bottom to get used to it, even though the chlorinated water stings my eyes.

Then I slowly start doing laps, with a breaststroke so perfect that I feel like I have been doing it all my life.

It is as if my body remembers the movement, even though I never swam when I was "alive".

Splitting the water like this is strangely soothing. I feel like I am crossing a universe, even in an enclosed pool like this one.

Babies float in a liquid in their mother's womb, which perhaps explains the affinity that humans have with water or the sea.

But I was born at the age of eighteen.

In this new world, I have parents, but, as if to accommodate Yuu and me, they are not at home.

I have memories of them, good and bad, but the distance and the fact that I know they are not my "real" parents creates a kind of distance.

I do not doubt that they love me, and in time, I could also love them "again", but deep down, Yuu and I have been inserted into this world. Or is this the world that was created for us?...

I soon realize after a length, that my hair is more of a hindrance to swimming than anything else.

Such long hair is more often an annoyance than anything else, in all sports... damn chara designers!

I stop at the edge for a few moments to tie it into a single ponytail, instead of leaving two strands on the sides as I usually do.

Yes, it is better that way already!

After three full lengths, I stop swimming for a short break and slowly return to the edge of the pool.

Clap, clap, clap.

Yuu waits for me on the edge, an amused smile on his face, clapping softly, as to salute my performance.

He then offers me his hand to help me leave the pool and get up.

"If it were up to me, you'd automatically get your 50-meter breaststroke certificate."

"Come on, mock me..."

"I'm very serious!"

"So you say with this broad smile!"

As I look at him, an idea crosses my mind.

"But then I think, Yuu, why don't we have a race? I'm all warmed up, and considering how good you look, you shouldn't have a problem beating me, right?"

"Uh, actually, it's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't..."

He is suddenly losing it, much to my delight.

"Ah, you're already starting with the apology?"

"No, but I can't sw-"

"Enough talk, let's go! First one to the other side wins!"

Without letting him finish, I push him into the water, and watch him make a big splash.

I also throw myself in the water, and begin to swim with energy.

Not to be mean, but with his shrimp arms and the start he made (because of me of course), Yuu has no chance of catching back!

Unless in truth, he was hiding his abilities... here, if I win, I will ask a favor from him, like a punishment game.

This prospect motivates me, and I accelerate again, gaining speed.

I turn around only after having covered in one go the fifty meters which separate me from the other side, in order to see where Yuu is.

However, the pool is empty.

I look at the other swim lanes, but he is not there either.

"Don't tell me he gave up..."

It would be quite in his nature to leave the pool to come and welcome me at the end...

I turn my head around, looking for him, but I cannot see anyone.

Where is he?

Would he have taken the fact that I pushed him into the water badly and left? No, that does not sound like him...

I go up the small ladder from this side of the pool to get out, then walk along the water, looking for someone I could ask if he has seen Yuu.

In the distance I see the swimming instructor in charge of this area reprimanding the same child who was running earlier.

As I pass where we started our run, a shape in the clear water catches my eye.

Is it a piece of clothing? No, it is bigger. I approach the edge and bend over slightly.

It looks like...

I feel like my heart stops beating.

I can't be...

A fraction of a second later, I dive back into the pool, inhabited by an unusual force.

As I quickly reach the bottom of the pool, despite the chlorine stinging my eyes, I can see the shape at the bottom of the water.

Yuu.

His eyes are hidden by his hair, but I can see that his features are frozen. His arms are gently floating in the water.

I grab him under the armpits, and, kicking the bottom, come up to the surface as fast as I can.

When I emerge, I realize how heavy his body is. Luckily, the edge of the pool is right next to me.

"Help! Help me!"

I scream hysterically, while holding Yuu as best I can with one arm, my other hand grabs the edge.

Attracted by my cries for help, the instructor runs up with another man, and helps me get Yuu out of the water.

He gently lays him down on the ground and, without even asking me questions, starts checking his condition.

"He's not breathing..."

He immediately turns to the one who ran with him.

"Call for help, quick! Tell them we have a drowning!"

"Yes!"

The instructor does not bother to ask any question and immediately starts giving Yuu CPR.

But in spite of the insufflations, the cardiac massage, he shows no reaction.

He does not come back to life like in the movies.

After several series of insufflations, which seems to last an eternity, the man comes back, phone in hand.

"They're on their way!"

The instructor sticks his ear to Yuu's chest.

"Damn... his heart's not beating regularly... it's shaking... fibrillation?... if emergency services aren't here in three minutes..."

"But the fire department's 15 minutes away!"

"I know, but... Help me! We need to continue CPR!"

"Yes!"

The two men are working as if I do not exist.

All I can do is stand there, trembling. I did not even notice that I fell on my knees.

I can only stare at Yuu's closed eyes, his lifeless body.

Because, more than the fact that he is in danger, I have just realized that it is all my fault.

I think back to what he told me.

("And you, Yuu? Do you like to swim?")

("Only where I can stand, yes.")

The pieces of the puzzle are coming together.

("Uh, actually, it's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't...")

What he wanted to tell me earlier...

What he was trying to tell me, as I was pushing him around, was that he could not swim?

And I... I pushed him?

Instead of listening to him, I pushed him, and I let him sink and drown?

I did not notice anything?

Fugitive images run through my mind.

Yuu, trying to regain the surface, panicked, sinking, while I am swimming with all my strength towards the other side, not looking back.

Yuu, losing consciousness, while I stay on the other side, looking for him, thinking that he preferred to leave, finally getting out of the pool.

Yuu, assuring me earlier, that we would always be together.

His body is now inert, in front of me, while strangers try to revive him, to keep him alive.

I can see in their eyes the desperation, in front of their unanswered efforts.

And a terrible realization comes over me.

I killed Yuu.

I killed Yuu?

Because I wanted us to do a race, thinking it was funny to push him into the water, I killed him?

No, he is not dead, but... he does not move... he does not react anymore...

What did the instructor say? Fibrillation?

I read that somewhere.

When the heart is not completely stopped, but instead of pumping blood, it is shaking and not doing its job.

Without specialised medical intervention, death occurs within minutes if no treatment is given.

But CPR seems ineffective, given their desperate faces.

And if help is more than 15 minutes away, even if they hurry...

How long did Yuu stay at the bottom of the water? Three minutes? Five minutes?

Time is running out in slow motion as I search in vain for what I could do.

But all my hypotheses, all my ideas, absolutely everything, come to the same conclusion.

Death.

I refuse to accept it, I keep trying to imagine the slightest possibility that could save him. But the conclusion is the same every time.

There is nothing.

Nothing at all.

My reasoning, my logic, my clairvoyance keep whispering to me...

...that Yuu will die before my eyes.

Because of me.

I killed the one I loved... who loved me... who saved me?

Why?

How?

I did not mean to... I never meant to...

Yuu...

What do I have to do?

What am I going to do?

(Monika. I love you.)

"YUU!"

* * *

"YUU!"

My scream goes on and on, while my eyesight is blurred by my tears.

But... I am no longer at the pool.I see a ceiling, and... I am abed...

"Monika?!"

Yuu's face, distorted by anxiety and surprise, enters my field of vision.

Is he alive?

How is he alive?

Where am I?...

"Monika, what's going on? But... are you crying?"

"Yuu?..."

Instinctively, I straighten up, throwing off the blanket that covered me. I find myself in our bed, in the house we share.

Was it... was it a dream?

All of it? Or only part of it?

My memories are already starting to fade, and I cannot remember the beginning of this... nightmare.

But I do remember that...

Yuu was dead. Or rather, that I had...

At the very thought, my eyes fill with tears again.

"Yuu!"

I cling to him, like a drowning man on a rope. I want to feel his heart beating, I want to make sure he is alive. That he is with me. That this is not just another dream.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... I never..."

I am sobbing, unable to control myself, let alone formulate coherent sentences.

Yet, Yuu does not care and hugs me gently.

"It's alright. I'm here. I'm right here."

I cry like a baby for at least ten minutes, traumatized by the nightmare I had and the thought that it might have actually happened.

All this time, Yuu does not move, just supports me, whispering soothing words.

When my tears finally dry up, I try to get up, but I feel dizzy. Yuu, noticing, forces me to stay in bed, wedging me against the back of the bed with pillows.

I realize that I have a headache, but little by little, the memories of the day before come back to me.

After returning from the cinema, we again spent time working on our writing project. In the evening, I was not feeling very well, so I went to bed early.

And after that...

It is already past noon. Apparently, I pushed myself too hard and, as a result, caught a little cold.

Yuu noticed it when in the morning, he saw that I did not leave the bed, plunged into a feverish sleep.

He spent the morning taking care of me, until I woke up screaming from my nightmare.

I gratefully take the steaming mug of coffee he hands me and, being careful not to burn myself, sip it.

The warm liquid that flows through my body is pleasant, despite the fact that I feel soaked in sweat.

"The question will sound silly, but... are you all right, Monika?"

There is nothing alarming about my condition, but I can see the worry in his eyes. More than my fever, my reaction when waking up must worry him.

"Well, I couldn't say too much... better, yes. Thanks to you."

"I haven't done much, you know."

"Sometimes it's the little things that count, Yuu."

I hesitate, then...

"To tell you the truth... I dreamt... that you were dying. Or rather, that I caused your death."

It is not easy to express, but I do my best to remember my nightmare.

"It was a normal day, we were going to the pool together and... in this dream, you could not swim, and I did not know. I was pushing you into the pool to play, to do a race, and while I was swimming alone, thinking only of winning, you were drowning."

How odd. It was a dream, but the sensations were so realistic. Even swimming, which I had never felt before, felt so real...

"I didn't notice it until it was too late. I pulled you out of the pool, and people tried to give you CPR to save you, but it didn't work. We knew help would come too late, and I..."

The pain I felt is genuine.

"And I... I just stood there and watched you die and couldn't do anything..."

Yuu, who is sitting on the edge of the bed, looks at me with his golden eyes.

"It was just a nightmare... I'm here. I'm right here."

"I know, but... it made me realize something. I'm scared."

I put the mug on the bedside table, and look at Yuu in the eyes.

"I'm afraid of losing you, Yuu. Before you found me, I couldn't be happy and I regretted it. But now... deep inside, I fear that one day I'll be deprived of that happiness, of our happiness."

No, not since that nightmare.

From the moment we met again, from the moment we embraced, I have been afraid of losing him.

Because, if it was possible to be reunited so suddenly, then it also meant the opposite could happen.

"Please, Yuu. Don't die. Don't leave me. Stay with me. If you die, I can't..."

"Monika."

Yuu's voice is calm, and his eyes are full of kindness.

"Don't worry. I can't die... I'm the main character, after all. But I confess that somewhere... I'm also afraid that this is all a dream."

"Yuu?..."

His face takes on a painful expression, where anguish and fear mingle.

"The first days we spent together... I was so happy, but I was afraid you would disappear, as suddenly as you had come."

"!"

"I mean... somewhere, in spite of the love I had for you... there was still the fear that you didn't exist. That you don't belong in this world, that you'll finally return to the other side."

My throat tightens more.

Then I wasn't the only one with that fear. Of course you were. Deep down, it makes sense. Why would I be the only one?...

"But then I realized that it wouldn't happen... that you wouldn't disappear. So, rest assured. I won't leave you. I will stay with you."

"Forever?"

"Forever and ever."

I am convinced by his smile and confident tone.

"If you're lying to me, you'll go to hell."

"I know. You don't have to worry, I won't leave you in peace so easily!"

Tears come to my eyes. Damn, how many times have I cried in the last few days?...

"Yuu. Thank you for continuing to save me."

To my surprise, he raises his eyebrows.

"What are you saying now? You saved me, Monika."

"Me?..."

"Yes. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what would have become of me either. You don't realize it, but... you're all I could hope for. I know how hard you try to live up to it."

"Ah..."

"So, I guess it's more my turn to thank you. Thank you for loving me, Monika, and for allowing me to have all these good times."

I have a little grin on my face.

"That should be my line..."

"Hey, yeah, this time I'm winning. By the way... if we were at the pool, does that mean... you were in a swimsuit?"

"...yes."

"And... what were you wearing?"

"Pervert!"

"I'm just curious! And how did my self in your dream react?"

"...just like you. That's probably why I didn't think it was a dream in the first place!"

"I don't know if I should take it as a compliment..."

After laughing, Yuu gets more serious.

"On the other hand... no going out today, or doing anything! You're going to make me a favor and rest!"

I cast a bitter look at him.

"You are not exactly in the best position to lecture me..."

"At least, I'm not sick! So go back to sleep!

"I'd rather read a little..."

"No way! You need rest!"

Now Yuu starts acting like a mother hen. Nevertheless, I surrender rather quickly, having to admit that he is right.

Even though I feel better, I am still dizzy.

Nevertheless, I take a quick shower, with his approval, before going back to bed.

Then, I ask Yuu to stay with me, and to hold my hand until I fall asleep, which he accepts.

As I close my eyes, I know I will not have another nightmare.

Because he's with me.


	8. Vows

**SATURDAY**

In the end, I spent yesterday resting, with Yuu at my bedside.

It was both restful and embarrassing, as he panicked every time I moved, wanting me to stay in bed as if I were an end-stage patient...

Nevertheless, thanks to his attentive care, I feel much better today: I think I have completely recovered. It was not a cold, but rather a temporary fatigue... and a nightmare.

It makes me shiver just to think about it again...

Yuu made it clear to me that he would do everything he could to prevent me from overworking myself; I agreed, on the sole condition that he would do the same.

Even though, deep down, I would not mind pampering him for a whole day.

Staying at his bedside, preparing his meals, wiping off his sweat, undressing him to change his clothes... ah, now I am starting to have perverted ideas again.

"Monika? Your face is scaring me..."

"Oh?"

Yuu looks at me suspiciously over the breakfast table. I realize that, lost in my unspeakable thoughts, I have a blissful smile on my face.

I hasten to change the subject, at the same time putting what I wanted to talk about on the table.

"Say, Yuu... I saw something quite interesting on the web yesterday..."

"Anything interesting?"

"Yes. Not far from here, there is an agency offering a, um... experiment. Would you be interested?"

Yuu looks like he is ready to run away. Is the look on my face that suspicious?

"Monika."

"Yes?"

"After such a vague and suspicious beginning, do you really think I'm going to say: Yes, let's go! Like this?!"

"Err... put it that way, it does sound weird."

"So do you!"

I cough in order to regain my composure before going for it.

"This agency offers young couples who want to get married... to experience a church wedding ceremony with costume, dress, vow exchange and photographer. The full package, if you prefer."

While I expected an explosion of joy from him at the thought of seeing me in a wedding dress, Yuu is instead making a weird face. He seems to weight it, for long seconds.

Then, closing his eyes, he finally shakes his head.

"No"

"Excuse me?!"

"...I said no. I don't want us to go."

I'm frozen in surprise for a moment. I must have misheard. But you didn't.

"But... why?! It's a great opportunity!"

"...because I want you to rest! You were super weak yesterday, and now you want to go to a wedding ceremony?"

"A fake one!"

"It's the same thing! You need to rest!"

"But this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! They've been doing it every Saturday for a month, and this is the last one!"

My argument hardly seems to convince Yuu, on the contrary, it seems to hurt him. No doubt he is sad to make me miss it.

But his concerns do not matter because I am not going to let it go so easily.

Yuu then opposes me a barrage of arguments, which I shoot down one by one.

"And how much does it cost? Considering the price of a ceremony, I doubt it's free!"

"It is for this last day!"

"I'm sure it's too far to go this morning!"

"No, it isn't! It's five bus stops away!"

"We're not allowed to go there! We're probably too young!"

"We're a young couple, aren't we?"

He stops for a moment, running out of ammo, panting. Since he does not look like he is about to give up any ground, I decide to change my approach.

You have to know how to vary your moves in a verbal duel. I lean towards him over the breakfast table.

"Yuu... if I understand correctly... you don't love me? That's why you don't want to see us get married one day?..."

I take my saddest expression and voice to say that.

"!"

Yuu's eyes widen in surprise, then he bites his lip. No doubt he understood that I tricked him.

Finally, after a long silence, he sighs.

"...of course I do love you. It's just that... I care about you, and I want to..."

He shakes his head.

"Since it's what you really want... let's do it."

"Yay!"

Seeing that he has a dark look on his face, I quickly reassure him.

"Don't worry, Yuu, I'll be careful, I promise."

"I know you will. In the end, it is undoubtedly you who is right,.. we better enjoy it."

I am a little ashamed that I had to resort to a low blow, but he seemed really determined not to let go...

However, our small household scene is quickly forgotten, and we decide to devote the morning to household chores.

The latter have indeed been a little late because of recent events.

We take this opportunity to discuss the progress of our novel, including the construction of the characters.

A very important point is how we want to bring and reveal their personalities.

As the story is quite short, we have to dose the details carefully, so that the readers keep their interest without rushing things.

Overall, the story plan is finished, although there are still (in addition to writing it) a few details to work out.

We have made some adaptations, more romanticized, of our own story, even if the emotions and feelings we want to convey remain the same.

There is nothing more exciting than inserting into a fiction story elements that are actually real!

In our version, the scenario starts from the player's point of view, who lives the same adventure as Yuu or the MC in the original game.

However, the point of view changes from the moment the player's bonds with his childhood friend are strengthened, to that of the antagonist... mine.

I describe the emotions I felt, my pain, my despair, that led me to do what I did.

The events follow one another, but, finally, at the end, instead of taking the antagonist for a monster, which anyone would have done, the main character understands her reasons, and decides to accept her.

Then, at that moment, the barrier of reality is broken, and the antagonist joins the main character in his reality.

I insisted on it, because I wanted to be the one who joined Yuu, not the other way around...

This is clearly an idealistic fiction, violent at times, but Yuu and I think we did pretty well.

After all, we did our best to transcribe (I helped Yuu a lot) our feelings: we are first-hand witnesses!

"Still, I wonder if people will like it."

Yuu thinks aloud while shaking the sheets outside. On my side, I hang the laundry on a wire to dry.

We are at the back of the house, in his little garden, with the sun warming us pleasantly.

"It's not as if we can tell."

"It would still be nice!"

Yuu convinced me, once our story was finished, to try to send it to various editors or contests... if any of them would fit into that category.

Even though this is Japan, textually speaking, I think the young adult book industry is overwhelmed with manuscripts, so we have to take that into account as well.

It is very unlikely that an author will be published, let alone make a living out of it, as I pointed out to Yuu.

But he is not worried. He answers me as if it was obvious that the main characters always get what they want.

His optimism on this subject almost makes me want to believe it too, to be honest.

After hanging out the laundry, we take a break, sitting under the sun, in the grass of the garden.

We both lie down, enjoying the soft rays of the sun, a caricature of two lovers enjoying life.

My hair might be full of grass, maybe I should have thought twice before doing this.

I ask then, out of curiosity, what Yuu would like to do later.

After all, we are on vacation, but they will stop tomorrow night. Then, back to school; it will not be unpleasant, far from it.

We will be able to write our own history, and see how far this road takes us.

Yuu thinks for a few seconds.

"Mmh... what would I like to do? Marry you and raise a family with you."

"I'm touched, but that wasn't the question!"

"Well, technically, I'd really like to..."

"Idiot!"

"Yes."

This time he seems really pensive.

"What I'd like to do... I don't know. I haven't really thought about it, to tell you the truth."

"What do you mean, you haven't really thought about it? You must have some ideas, right?"

"I don't."

"What about in your old world? What were your plans?"

"To graduate from high school, I think. Otherwise, nothing long-term..."

I give him a suspicious look.

"Nothing at all?"

"Nothing at all."

"Yuu, I'm not saying it's the reason we live, but it's still important... don't you think you should think about it? It's our senior year, and college is coming faster than we think..."

"No, I don't think it matters."

Yuu's eyes are calm and determined.

"Why is that?"

"Because as long as I'm with you, everything will be okay. And if I'm separated from you, then it wouldn't make sense. So I'd rather not think about it!"

"Yuu... it was both beautiful and creepy, you know? It reminds me of characters who prefer to kill themselves with their lost loved ones and follow them to death..."

"Oops... you're right."

He's running his hand through his messy hair. I've noticed he does that a lot when he's embarrassed.

"As I want to reassure you... I promise I won't do anything stupid if anything happens to you, Monika."

I shake my head and smile.

"I already knew that, silly. That goes for me too."

"That's good!"

"And you, Monika? As a former member of the debating club and now literature, you must already have career ideas?"

"A bit too much, yes... There are lots of things I like to do. But one that I'll do for a living? It's complicated..."

"You don't do a job for life, though."

"That's also true. In any case, I'd like to stay on the side of literature..."

Yuu bursts out laughing.

"The opposite would have surprised me! Already you're about to become an author..."

"The book's not even finished, and you say that?!"

Yes, I love reading and writing, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be a writer, I can feel it. I mean, you can love to cook, but you can't become a chef and all that stuff.

"If you ever become a real author, for real, I'll be your househusband and assistant. There, it's settled!"

"That's..."

I'm about to scold Yuu for his futile idea, but actually... it' s not that futile.

Yes, it is...

I can imagine that future.

Living together, immersing ourselves in writings, then going out for air when we're tired...

Raising a child together, showering it with love...

Building a family, being together forever...

"That's... a good idea."

"Oh? I thought you were going to reprimand me."

"But hey... first I have to become an author..."

"That's right!"

"...and we have to also get married, right?"

"...it's true too."

"Precisely. Enough chitchat; why don't we go and see what it's like to get married?"

I get up and dust myself off, while Yuu does the same.

"Okay. But before I do, I'll take out the grass in your hair, Monika..."

"I'll do the same for you."

"Deal!"

* * *

When I inquired about the modalities, I was surprised to see that the mock wedding was not taking place in any building, but in a real church.

Catholicism is not the main religion in Japan, however, there are many churches in the country. One of those churches in particular was rented by an agency to promote marriage.

One would think that priests or religious would normally be reluctant to rent a place of worship.

However, those in that church apparently felt that promoting the bonds of marriage and the beauty of the ritual in this way was not a problem.

The church, which is rather pleasing to the eye (being a modern, white-stone building, not a crumbling old monument) was of course not turned into a marketing tool.

The only indication is a sign at the entrance, presenting the services available and the prices. We are not interested in the latter, since this day is free.

However, when we enter the church hall (which separates the main hall and the chapel), the place is deserted, except for a receptionist sitting in front of a desk which has obviously been set up for the occasion.

The woman, in her thirties, wears a black suit and looks at us with surprise when we enter.

But she gets her act together very quickly and remains professional.

"Welcome! How can I help you?"

"Hello! We are here for the mock ceremony... would it be possible?

"Well, yes... but..."

The woman raises her eyebrows.

"You know, this benefit is more for couples, who intend to get married..."

"We fit both of these conditions."

"Ah?..."

The woman looks genuinely surprised. I quickly take the initiative.

"Yes. I understand how strange it can be for us, we are indeed only students. But we would really like to be able to get married in the future, so we'd like to see what it's all about... or at least project into that future, in our wedding clothes."

"I'd like to see you in a dress, for sure!"

The receptionist ignores Yuu's remark, and seems hesitant. Then, finally, she nods.

"If you wish... follow me."

The woman takes us to another corridor, where two doors face each other: signs have been placed next to it to indicate the ladies' and men's cabins.

I enter the room, waving to Yuu, who does the same on his side.

The place is quite spacious: a central space has been cleared, a brand new wardrobe has been installed as well as a large mirror with make-up products on a desk.

A large window decorated with white curtains (probably to prevent outsiders from seeing us) illuminates the room with an almost divine light.

Spotlights are placed at the four corners to provide perfect lighting, should the weather be dark.

It looks like an idol's lodge...

A young woman, not much older than me, enters the room and introduces herself as the helper. She introduces me in the wardrobe to the different dresses the agency has to offer.

As this is a simulation, the dresses are available by measurements, rather large, to avoid any problems. It goes without saying that they are carefully washed between each try-on.

These are not authentic wedding dresses but rather white dresses with the same attire.

After all, the point is not to get married for real here, but just to see what it would be like. As long as appearances are there...

I give my measurements to the girl, who then hands me a dress. Even if it is fake, it is quite hard to put on! Luckily, I have an ally to help me.

Without giving me a break, she then sits me down in front of the mirror. I take the opportunity to observe myself, and I am quite surprised.

I hardly ever wear a dress, so seeing my bare shoulders, my chest highlighted by the corset like this... is a little embarrassing.

"Why are you blushing? You look lovely!"

The helper gives me an encouraging smile. Then she pulls out various makeup tools.

"Let's see if we can do better!"

Then begins an interrogation about the make-up I usually wear, what I would like to try on, various pictures.

Not being a fan of beauty products, all I ask for is a bit of lipstick (not too pronounced) and a bit of eyeliner.

My make-up artist nods, whispering to herself that she envies me.

Similarly, she asks me if I want a particular haircut, arguing, with good reason, that I won't marry a ponytail.

"Besides, it would be a shame! Your hair is so long, so straight! I'd kill for it, you know!"

My interlocutor, whose hair is indeed short and black, has eyes that glisten with envy.

She brings me a magazine with the most popular long hair styles.

After much hesitation, I finally decide to go for a kind of bun, more elegant than a normal one, and above all, one that still highlights my hair. My helper spends at least fifteen minutes on it, and the result is to my taste. Finally, she puts a bridal veil, a silk-like piece, over my face.

With her permission, I stand up and look at myself in front of the big mirror.

I am aware, in all modesty, that I am rather a beautiful girl; I love my body, I am comfortable in it.

But then I must admit that I am impressed by the result.

The few touches of make-up only make my eyes and lips even more captivating, and my veil, which conceals nothing, only makes me look more mysterious.

The dress, as bulky as it is elegant, fits me like a glove, without making me look fat; on the contrary, it enhances my waist and bust.

Moreover, all this white creates a contrast with my emerald eyes and my coral hair, arranged in a stylized bun.

Only a few strands adorn my face, as so many decorations.

I look like a real bride, but also like a young adult, not a high school girl.

"Miss, you forgot the bouquet and the gloves!"

I put on white gloves and grab the (fake) bouquet she hands me, before posing in front of the mirror again.

"Incredible..."

I hear the whisper of my help, and cannot help but smile.

"If I may say so... you are the most radiant of all those I have ever had to dress!"

"Thank you!"

"Come on, off to church! I suppose you'll want a picture?"

"Of course... and thank you again."

"The pleasure's all mine, I assure you!"

She takes me back to the hall, which this time is deserted. I wonder where the receptionist has gone... maybe to the toilet?

The helper greets me, tells me that the photographer should be here soon and that she will be waiting for me in the same room once I am done in the chapel.

After a few minutes, the door I had used earlier opens, but it is not the photographer who appears.

Instead, Yuu walks in casually, dressed in an immaculate white suit and a rose in his breast pocket.

All that white brings out his golden eyes, which shine like gold.

However, no one did his hair, or perhaps he refused.

He is elegant, like that, but... he kind of floats in his suit. I guess they did not have one in his size.

When he sees me, Yuu gets struck by lightning and I cannot help but enjoy it.

After a few moments, he seems to regain the use of speech.

"Monika... you are... wow. Just... wow..."

He shakes his head, unable to find his words, opening and closing his mouth several times.

"...Sorry. I don't know what to say, except... you're beautiful. You really are."

"Thank you, Yuu. I mean it.I wish I could say the same, but... to be honest, your suit seems a little too broad around the shoulders..."

"Ah, I knew you'd notice... you're right, but I couldn't find another one. It's not easy, you know..."

"I had no problem."

"Because you have perfect measurements!"

"I don't know whether to be flattered or worried that you know my measurements..."

Yuu's looking at my chest.

"You underestimate my analytical skills."

"Leech!"

Yuu smiles, then coughs.

"And otherwise, what are we waiting for? "

"The photographer... apparently, we're entitled to a photo in the chapel."

"Hm? No mock ceremony?"

I shake my head.

"They didn't mention it, no..."

"I understand... well, now that we're here, do you want to do it ourselves?"

"What do you mean?"

Yuu takes my hand and drags me to the door leading to the inside of the church, which he pushes open.

"Let's celebrate our future marriage ourselves! We don't need a priest or anyone else to do it, right? Besides, it's a simulation!"

"I find you very enthusiastic, whereas you refused at first to go..."

"Seeing you in a wedding dress probably stirred up a weird fetish in me."

"I keep asking myself if it's a good thing that you're honest or not!"

Yuu replies with a smile, then puts his left arm around my right arm.

Together we enter the church, which is of course deserted.

Like many churches, it consists of a main aisle, which runs through the middle of the rows of pews, and two other aisles that run along the walls, next to which are many statues or relics.

Farther on, in front of us, the altar is located right under a magnificent stained glass window depicting scenes of prayer; the light of the sun, which illuminates it, spreads rays as colourful as they are warm.

It almost looks like divine light.

We walk slowly, arm in arm, my robe brushing the ground, each step resonating on the carved stone.

Even if this is fake, my heart beats strangely. I feel like I have entered another world, like I am in a dream.

I take a look at Yuu, has an indecipherable expression on his face.

We walk the distance to the altar together, in a holy silence, literally.

As if we each want to engrave this moment in our memory, for the day we will do it again, for real.

Once we arrive at the altar, whose red carpet also seems to be swollen with light, we turn around to contemplate the empty church.

"Normally, the priest is supposed to ask us the questions now."

"Yes, but there isn't any. In that case... can we, perhaps, improvise something together?"

"You mean..."

"Exactly. We're not the theater club, but I think we can still afford a respectable performance, don't you?"

"Of course we can."

Yuu takes a deep breath and goes for it.

The sunlight, transformed by the stained-glass window, gives him an aura, a princely look.

"Monika. I can't swear to love you, for my love is already yours forever. An oath cannot do justice to the feelings I bear you. I love you, and I want to do everything I can to make you happy. I want to make you smile when you're tired and laugh when you're sad.

I want to continue to discover this world with you, to prepare food with you, to drink coffee with you. I don't want to share my life with you, because my life is yours too. I want to live with you, laugh with you, cry with you. For all these reasons, Monika...

Will you become my wife?"

Yuu's words, which reflect his feelings and desires, fill me with endless joy and happiness, as he declaims them with a voice as soft as a spring breeze.

As his feelings take shape and reach me, I feel my heart melting in my chest: and yet, I feel shivers.

My throat tightens, and I find it hard to speak again once the silence falls over the church.

"Yes, I do..."

I need to make an effort to pull myself together and talk. But I do not have to rack my brains to make something up.

This is so easy.

It sounds like something out of an anime for children, but... I just let my heart speak.

I try to condense everything I feel for Yuu into words.

More than vows, these are reciprocal declarations of love.

"Yuu. You've been, since the day I met you, the ray of light that illuminated my existence. My love for you, though it has changed shape, has grown stronger every day. You've seen me in my worst moments, but you've never judged me. Instead of rejecting me, you tried to understand me, to talk to me... to love me.

When I was ready to give up all love for you, you came looking for me. You offered me your love, your life, and I accepted it. You're mine, and I'm yours. To seal our contract once and for all... to continue our adventure, our life, as one soul, Yuu...

Will you become my husband?"

Yuu's eyes are filled with tears. I am about to laugh when I notice my sight is blurry too.

But I am sure that they are tears of joy.

"Yes, I do."

This is a simulation.

We are wearing borrowed clothes.

No priest is celebrating our office.

No witnesses are present.

And yet...

Yet, when Yuu accepts my vows, I feel like an invisible contract is sealed between us.

On the other hand, if all this is a simulation, a fake...

Why am I so happy that I feel like I could disappear at any moment?

Why is my body so light that I feel like I am going to fly away?

These discharges of electricity, of happiness that cross my body, these waves of tenderness and love that make my heart beat, these tears of joy that pearl in my eyes...

This is not untrue.

No one is here to tell us that we can kiss each other.

Yet Yuu delicately removes my veil.

We close our eyes almost at the same time, and bring our faces closer to each other, to exchange the longest, most languorous, and warmest kiss.

My senses are even more inflamed by this divine touch, and when Yuu's tongue is pulled out of mine, and our lips separate...

"Yuu..."

"Monika...

We utter the same words in a whisper.

"I love you."

I plunge my eyes into his, as we have done so many times before.

I read in them all the love he has for me, but also other, darker things... I feel as if I see him in his whole being.

He who gave up everything for me, and would do it again.

He then places his hands in mine.

"Grasp them tightly, for if you let go of my hands, this moment of "now" won't ever return again..."

Swaying slowly, the melody of our beating hearts spreads out.

"I won't let you go so easily, Yuu..."

Surprised, he bursts out laughing.

"I hope so..."

After spending a warm time contemplating each other, we finally part.

But I have the impression that the world has become a bit darker, less bright...

Yuu turns to me.

"I think it wasn't so bad, for a simulation..."

"Yes. But, Yuu... I meant every word I said."

"I meant every word, too."

"I know,."

At the same time, the receptionist and a man carrying a reflex camera with a tripod entered.

"Ah, there you are! We apologize for the delay, the photographer had an unexpected problem. I've already explained everything to him."

The photographer sends us a small greeting with a contrite expression.

"Please... We're sorry to have entered the church, we wanted to see what it looked like..."

I also apologize, aware that we have disrupted their program.

"Um... It's nothing. So, what do you think? You look lovely in those clothes. Do you ever think you might be able to plan your wedding one day?"

"Perfectly, thank you. I'm glad I could try on a wedding dress."

"And I a suit. I would never have had the money to do it..."

Yuu's thinking makes me giggle,.

"Unless you have any more questions, maybe we can move on to the memorial photo?"

"With pleasure."

The photographer guides me into position, and prefers me to hold my bouquet with both hands. Yuu, on the other hand, doesn't make any comment, for once!

When he seems satisfied with the preview he gets on his camera, the photographer orders us not to move, and takes the famous picture.

I am almost sad when we return to the hall and then to the locker room, where the girl who dressed me earlier takes off my make-up and helps me take off the dress.

I feel like Cinderella, when the last stroke of midnight has just struck and the magic has just come to an end.

Before I leave, I warmly thank my helper, who assures me that she is happy to have had such a role model.

Then I find Yuu, who is also back in his normal clothes.

A smile touches my face. If I am Cinderella, then he is my prince!

"What are you laughing at?"

Yuu questions me, suspicious.

"Nothing, nothing."

The receptionist then returns to the lobby, with a pocketbook.

"Please excuse me for waiting. Here is your copy of the photo!"

Impatient to see the result, I take the cover she hands me and take out the photo, so as to show it also to Yuu.

"Wow..."

"As you say..."

I barely recognize us. In the photo, we literally sparkle with a thousand lights, bathed in the sunlight that shines through the stained glass window in front of the altar.

I find it hard to believe that Yuu and I can smile like this... they reflect all the happiness we feel together.

This magical moment, is now immortalized, and gives me goose bumps because I only have to contemplate it to invoke the memory of our confessions.

"This print is of course offered on this special day. If you would like additional copies, I can show you the rates, but it will take two business days to receive them."

"One will be enough for us, thank you very much!"

I hurry to answer; I would not want Yuu to ruin himself by buying enough to wallpaper the entire house's walls .

"I bet you're thinking something mean."

Yuu's got me figured out.

"No way!"

"Yeah..."

The receptionist watches our fight with a raised eyebrow.

I guess she is probably wondering if we are plannig to get married for real...

We thank her once again and then decide to go home.

It took less time than we thought because it is barely four o'clock in the afternoon when we leave the church.

It is as if time has been compressed, slowed down inside this building... and yet the euphoria that I have felt all this time does not leave me.

The streets are sparsely populated, but in spite of the people we meet, I feel as if we are alone, as if a veil surrounds us.

I squeeze the envelope containing our photograph against me like a precious artifact, while my other hand holds Yuu's hand.

I take this opportunity to tell Yuu how I felt when our improvised ceremony ended. He listens attentively.

"Like Cinderella?"

"Yes. You know the story of Cinderella, right?"

"I remember a slipper and a prince, that's about it..."

"I really wonder if you deserve to be in the literature club..."

"I watched the Disney movie I think... a long time ago."

He does not even seem sorry for his ignorance...

I then patiently explain to him, in broad outline, the Cinderella story.

Especially the fact that, at midnight, the magic ends, and everything she had gotten for the ball, her clothes, her carriage, her horses, everything disappears to become as it was before.

Everything happens like a dream for her, she meets her prince, who is enchanted by her. However, midnight approaches...

Cinderella, panic-stricken in the middle of the party, runs away as her beautiful finery disappears, so as not to appear unseemly to her prince.

Nevertheless, her prince, who has only found her slipper, goes to look for her at home and makes her try on the famous slipper to make sure it is really her.

Thus, even if she has lost her finery and the magic ends, Cinderella is still reunited with her prince...

As I finish my summary, we pass a bakery stand that smells particularly enticing.

I stop to taste a famous melon pan, and while I am eating it sitting on a bench, Yuu seems pensive.

"The midnight magic, um..."

"What is it, Yuu? I didn't think children's storytelling would disturb you so much..."

"Ah... it's just that, paradoxically, I understand Cinderella and why she ran away after the party."

"...from the look on your face, I guess it's another not-so-happy experience."

"Yeah. Sorry, I feel like I ruin the mood every time."

I finish my melon pan and wipe my fingers on a towel before I poke Yuu's cheek.

"Idiot. I told you earlier, didn't I? You're mine. That means your worries, your sadness, your past are mine, too, and you have to share them with me."

Yuu stays silent, then suddenly turns his head and chews my finger.

"Kya?!"

I suddenly pull it out with a not-so-pretty scream, which makes a few people turn around.

"Yuu!..."

"It was a reflex."

He has a fox' look on his face... however, I do not let myself get distracted.

"That doesn't mean I'm going to forget what you told me. I want you to share everything with me, Yuu. Including the sad stories. So... this one too, you'll share it with me, understand?"

"...understood."

"Good!"

I stand up, satisfied, and reach out my hand to him.

"Then let's go home... my love."

"!"

"Ah, that was super embarrassing!"


	9. Forever (END)

**SUNDAY**

Looking back, I think about everything that has happened since we came into this world.

It has been little more than a week, and yet it feels like a month.

The notion of time, of duration is really strange...

When I started living with Yuu, I was happy, but somehow filled with doubts.

My actions weighed on me, even though I tried to hide it, and I was afraid of losing everything I had found here.

However, I found out that this was also the case for Yuu. He too had a heavy past hanging over him.

I tried to comfort him, to listen to him, but in the end, he saved me... once again.

I feel that by opening up more deeply to each other, we have strengthened our relationship even more.

At first, I thought this kind of story only happens in books... you know, where a couple thinks they know each other well, finds out secrets in both of them, and emerges stronger.

I guess, in the end, we are no exception to the rule. My reasoning was probably blinded by my feelings...

But now we both know where we are headed.

Together we will continue on our way, to obtain in this world the happy ending that was denied us in another.

I always knew that, but...

I love Yuu.

He loves me too.

With a sincere, pure love that nothing can taint.

Even the separation of our two worlds by the barrier of reality and imagination was not enough.

I want to continue to protect him, to comfort him... and I want him to do the same for me.

I want him to continue to pretend to sulk, to make perverse or idiotic comments. I want us to keep acting like children in public, laughing about it until our breath runs out.

I want to learn more and more about him, and I want us to make new memories together...

While yawning, I raise the head of my little notebook.

I am settled in Yuu's office, and I have been taking notes on everything that has happened to me since my arrival here for almost a quarter of an hour.

It is both a kind of diary and notes for me. I do not want, for anything in the world, to forget the feelings I have at this moment when I am truly happy.

The sun is shining as usual on the room we share, which, compared to the last few days, is tidy. We have indeed sorted out all the papers that were lying around and serving as drafts, so that we can move around freely again.

It's about nine o'clock in the morning, and Yuu is taking a shower, so I take the opportunity to fill my notebook quietly.

We have already had breakfast, and have a busy schedule today.

I take a pocket on the desk, and making sure that Yuu is still in the shower listening to the water running, I take out the picture contained in the pocket.

Then I look at it with a smile that I know is blissful.

This is the photo we took yesterday during the mock wedding ceremony.

Yuu, with his white suit a little too wide, and his embarrassed but happy smile.

Me, my wedding dress revealing my shoulders, my transparent silk veil, and the bouquet I am holding.

In all honesty, as soon as Yuu is not there, I take the opportunity to have a look at it, so much she fills me with joy and... no, it would be indecent to say it.

I feel like a stalker leafing through the photo album of her favourite idol...

I cannot help but think of the day we get married for good. And after that...

Our own house, our life as newlyweds, and our first child... ah, here I go again at daydream.

I shake my head to get back on my feet. A lot of things left to do before we get to that point...

First, we have to finish our book plan this morning. Yuu insisted on it.

Maybe because it is our last day of vacation time that he wants it. There will still be the writing itself after that, which will not be easy. I have never written a novel as such.

But I do not doubt my abilities. I mean, the story I will tell is basically the story of Yuu and me.

I will turn our feelings into words so that the whole world knows them...

But before we do that... we need to stop by my house. My parents', in fact, since the one we live in right now is Yuu's.

The reason is simple: I do not have my school stuff here... and school starts again tomorrow.

When we were transported to this world, we regained consciousness directly in the room of Yuu's house.

The scenario that had been established for us meant that I already had things here but only clothes. Not even a spare school uniform.

So we had to go to my house to get the said things. And I am sure that Yuu is curious to visit my house.

I wonder why we never went there earlier, after all...we were probably too busy living our life as a couple and dating.

When Yuu finally gets out of the shower and goes back into the room, his hair still wet, he is wearing only underwear and a towel across his neck.

Having heard him, I quickly put the photo and my notebook back in their pocket, and pretend to read notes taken on another sheet of paper.

I look at him and feel a hint of pity for him.

"Yuu..."

"Hm?"

Yuu only gives me a vague mumble as he rummages through his closet for clean clothes.

"If you wanted to make me blush by walking around half-naked... you should've been more muscular."

For any answer, Yuu throws his towel in my face.

I caress it with a languorous air.

"Ah, Yuu's juice... well infused..."

"I'm gonna end up selling you my bath water, you know?"

"I'll drink it morning, noon and evening!"

"We can't be both boke. One needs to be the tsukkomi."

"We take turns doing it, don't we?"

Yuu may say, I think he enjoys these exchanges as much as I do.

The words fly, as well as the puns, the provocations; that, more than anything, makes me feel like we are alive.

A bit like when, in a story, the characters' characters are reflected in their dialogues?

After swapping a few more spikes, we decide to get back to work.

The truth is, we do not have much left to determine, as we have written almost three-quarters of the story.

We proceeded in two stages: a first plan, rather sketchy, summarizing the main events, the arcs of the story and the strong messages. Then, a second, more detailed plan separating the chapters and what should happen in each one.

This allows us to keep a common thread, so as not to spread ourselves too thin, while leaving us a great deal of flexibility to incorporate any interesting ideas that come to us in the meantime.

Of course, we always add important notes on the descriptions, whether they are about characters, setting, or even details like food.

We attack precisely the last moments of the story, where the two lovers are finally reunited, against all odds.

"Are you sure they must still be crying right now? Isn't that a little too much?"

Yuu questions me seeing that the characters cry with joy at the end in my script.

"No... I think it's good. After all, it's a great moment."

"I don't know, I don't often cry... even in this kind of case."

"You have to put yourself in the character's shoes a little, Yuu..."

"I'm the character! And I didn't cry when we got together!"

"Yes, well, you should have!"

Yuu, sitting in a suit on the bed, looks shocked.

"Is it gonna be my fault now?!"

"No, but... I mean, tears of joy, it seems normal? At least, to me..."

"Yeah, but you're a girl."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, that in books, girls cry more often than boys."

Yuu looks at me as if it was obvious.

"Geez..."

I fold my arms, sulky.

"Well, if you like, let's just say the main character is as insensitive as a spoon and just shrugs when he and his beloved are reunited."

"Now, that's a bit extreme..."

This is the kind of exchange we have when something seems, to one or the other, out of sync. We laugh about it and then sometimes end up incorporating those disputes into the plan.

After all, there is nothing more fun and interesting than adding real elements to the fictional!

Finally, after three hours of work punctuated by four coffee breaks, a few hundred deletions and a good fifteen heated debates, we finally put the final touches to our detailed plan.

It may have to change, of course, in minor details, but we agree that this will be the backbone of the story.

We re-read it together, as we did during our joint reading session at the media library, sitting on the floor in the bedroom.

Again, it is a very interesting experience. It is already one thing to read together, but to immerse ourselves in our own (albeit romanticized) history is even more profound.

It is like reading someone's biography... but being next to that someone. The impression of delving into their mind, into their being with impunity.

Re-reading details that Yuu insisted on writing, and even though I know him well... I feel like I understand certain aspects of his personality.

I realize that I had an overall picture of him, but as I re-read this story, our story, small chunks of pieces are added to the puzzle.

It is not just because I know him. His personality, in these lines, simply recounting the events he experiences and his reactions, describes him very well.

As we progress in our re-reading, the Yuu I know, and the Yuu of the book (which we did not name) overlap in my mind.

A simple boy, with an unremarkable appearance, almost frail.

Golden eyes, as abnormal as beautiful.

Excessively honest, but who sometimes lies to protect others.

Shy at first glance, but with a loose tongue.

And finally, a kindness that knows no bounds.

Yes, this is the Yuu I know.

The worst thing is that he is not even aware of it; he is not the kind to toss himself flowers or to describe himself like that.

This personality comes out in his actions, unconsciously, and in the way he reacts.

However, one detail tickles me, as I progress in my reading.

In the middle of all this...

In the midst of all his character traits...

I feel like I am reading between the lines and seeing something else. Another feeling, another emotion coming out of Yuu.

Resignation? Or... sadness?

It was as if all his laughter, all his smiles, and the fact that he put me first, was there to hide this sadness.

If I did not know Yuu the way I know him after that week we spent together, I would not have come to that conclusion.

Yet this is what I feel, re-reading our story with him, and analyzing his character.

Maybe I am imagining things. After all, this feeling is not based on anything really credible, I am aware of that.

My reason tells me that I am not reading his palm. That it is not possible to guess his feelings by reading a character we wrote together.

This plan, is not a complete story: it is a matter of describing the events of the story, the characters, but also their actions, their mentalities.

And yet, this feeling does not leave me.

But even if it were true, where would it come from? What would it be based on?

Would Yuu still be uncomfortable living here?

Is there something, a past ordeal from his old world that he has not overcome?

I remember his words yesterday.

Clearly there was something else bothering him...is it related?

As I continue reading and turn the pages as soon as Yuu signals me that he is finished, I force myself to calm down.

Maybe there is nothing to worry about.

Besides, if Yuu notices that I am worried, he will also be worried...

I have to stop jumping to conclusions.

When we finish reading, we look at each other, and I see the same satisfaction on Yuu's face that I feel.

"Monika... I don't think we could have done better. It's... human. It's unique. I don't know what else to say... it's silly, but I really felt like I was re-reading our story."

"That's the point."

"Yeah, but... well, you know, you experience an event, and then someone describes it, but it's missing... the essence, the heart of it, that made it unique. It's the difference between an epic story, which tells the facts and someone's life, and a Wikipedia page, which is as long as it is boring."

He's tapping the armful of paper that he is holding.

"And here, I think together... we've managed to capture everything that our personal history has made us feel. Of course, my point of view is far from impartial. But that's what I feel, that's what I think."

I laugh and play with one of my locks of hair.

"I agree, but then... I've got nothing more to say now. You've completely taken the words out of my mouth!"

"I'm sorry!"

Seeing him laughing and smiling, I cannot help but ask him the question that I was holding back.

"Yuu, are you hiding something from me?"

His laughter stops immediately, and a genuine surprise is painted on his face.

"...what makes you say that?"

"Don't answer my question with another question..."

I sigh, then, seeing that he is not determined to talk, explains to him what I felt when I re-read his character that we had written together... but for which he had written the main part.

"When I rediscovered you like that, I had this feeling... that you were hiding something else."

Yuu remains silent for a moment, then chews his lip, indecisive. Finally, I read in his golden eyes that he gives up.

"Then, you noticed..."

"That you were hiding something? Yeah."

"Ah... no, but..."

He looks surprised again, then shakes his head.

"Monika. I'd like to tell you, but... I can't. I can't tell you yet. Not today... not on this day. It's our last day of holiday, after all. I don't want to spoil it. Can you understand that?"

I stare at his eyes, at his face.

I just do not want him to hide anything from me. Not in a bad way, of course: I am not a yandere.

But I do not want him to shoulder it all by himself.

I made that mistake before, and he was there for me at this time. So I want him to rely on me, like I relied on him.

His face is sincere. He is not lying.

"...all right. I understand you want us to make the most of this last day of freedom before school... but I'm not gonna let you get away with it, remember?"

I force myself to smile.

"I feel like I'm having deja vu. It won't be the first time I've made you promise to tell me a story later, right?"

"Yes... But I'll keep my word this time, too. I promise."

"That's what I like to hear!"

Satisfied, I decide to change the subject.

"Where were we again?"

"Well... at the end... We're done with our detailed plan. Now all you have to do is get to work and come up with a best seller!"

"You'll be participating too, I'll call you back. As a member of the Literature Club, once again."

"Ah..."

"But that can wait, right? It'd be nice to have a break first. And we've got other things to do, by the way!"

"That's right... I just can't wait to see it in bookstores and online top sellers."

"It might take a while, even if we finish it in a week..."

"Don't be so defeatist! On the other hand, I'm getting hungry. Shall we have a snack, get this place cleaned up, and go to your place to get your stuff? We also need to save what we've done..."

I take a look at the alarm clock, and see that it's almost 1 in the afternoon. Time flies when you are having fun...

"That's fine by me. I'll go and prepare something quickly, then."

"I'll meet you later..."

"Hm? Something to do?"

"Number two."

"But why did I even ask..."

* * *

After a hearty lunch of steamed potatoes and vegetables topped with white sauce, prepared by me, we hang out, reading a romance novel together. Clearly, our shared reading sessions are becoming a habit...

As a result, when we leave for my house, it is almost half past three o'clock.

The weather is still clear today, but, as if to coincide with the end of the holidays, the media have announced that the weather will deteriorate significantly in the coming days.

My own house is, oddly enough, about half an hour's walk from Yuu's, in the opposite direction from our school.

The neighborhood plan and its setup is pretty much the same as the DDLC world, and we have not yet met Sayori, who lives nearby.

This is not very surprising, since she surely takes advantage of the holidays to get up late...

We walk the few kilometers, like a real couple, carrying a big bag of dirty clothes.

As I have a tumble dryer at home (and not Yuu), I suggested to run a washing machine there, and dry our stuff at the same time: it will save us time, instead of hanging it in Yuu's garden.

On the way, on this last day of holidays, we meet several groups of children playing, teenagers going to the karaoke or game center, but also couples of our age, high school students enjoying their last hours of freedom.

It must be said that compared to ours, the one we are used to, the Japanese school system is no joke, and the discipline and social pressure are much, much stronger.

Well, as long as we are in the same school, I know that Yuu and I will survive!

We cross streets and alleys to finally arrive in front of my house, which also has the typical look of modern Japanese suburban houses.

A one-storey house, with a very wide ground floor, a kitchen connected to the living room, and a vestibule.

In a way, it looks quite similar to Yuu's, but it is much more orderly.

In this world, with my parents working abroad all the time, I am the one who completely organized the house from A to Z, from storing the shoes to organizing the supplies stock.

When Yuu enters the living room, he lets out a whistle.

"I see that your iron discipline also applies here..."

"Iron discipline, big fancy words right away. Let's just say I like it when things are tidy..."

I can understand that.

In my living room, which has no TV but only two armchairs, a coffee table, a sofa and a thick carpet, there is not the slightest bit of disorder.

Not a single magazine lying around somewhere, or a shoe forgotten under a piece of furniture; it is so tidy that it almost looks like it comes out of a furniture magazine.

The kitchen looks like a photoshoot, too, with the pots and pans hanging on hooks, the dresser organized, the food boxes labeled, and the utensils in their place.

I think in the story, I completely tidied up my house before moving to Yuu's place, so that apart from a thin layer of dust, absolutely everything is where it belongs.

Apparently I also took care not to leave perishable food in the fridge, and to turn off the heating.

We open the shutters of the house, put our dirty laundry in the washing machine and run it, then I take Yuu upstairs.

There are only two bedrooms upstairs, mine and my parents'.

The first one is worthy of my character as it was elaborated in DDLC, and like the rest of the house: as tidy as possible, but a little bit girly, both in terms of the pink wallpaper, and the few stuffed animals on my bed.

My library, on the other hand, is impressive, and occupies the whole left wall of my room, almost seven meters long, and three meters high. It is classified by genre, and author, in alphabetical order. You can find everything in it, including a small manga section...

Yuu looks at her with a strange pout.

"Monika... it's all well and good, but... what do you do when you want to read a book upstairs? Will you get a ladder?"

"No, the books upstairs are the ones I'm least likely to read. You know, there are some movies you can watch over and over again without getting bored, and some you know you may never watch again. It's the same with books."

"Ah, yes. I know what you mean. It's the same with porn movies..."

"That idiot!"

After lightly punching Yuu on the shoulder, I signal him to get to work.

We have come here to collect the things I will need for tomorrow's start of the school year: I cannot go to school dressed casually, with only a sheet of paper and a pen...

All my school stuff is here, and since I want to continue living with Yuu at his house, we have to make a small move.

I ask him to pick up my textbooks and various school supplies from my desk. He has no need to look for them, since there too, everything is perfectly tidy and in its place.

"I don't feel like I'm in front of a desk, but in a store where everything has been inventoried..."

I ignore his remark, and head to my dresser and closet to get my two school uniforms (one spare) and stock up on clothes.

Of course, I purposely did not let Yuu take care of it : he would have been able to go and search my lingerie, just to embarrass me...

In fact, even as I turn my back on him, I can feel the look in his eyes.

"It's useless. You won't see anything."

"Tch!"

"...for now."

"Uh?!"

I look over his shoulder.

"We're a couple, aren't we? Sooner or later you're going to have to see me... well... I'm not going to draw you a picture!"

"I'd like to...

"I figured as much. Pervert."

"Yes!"

Some things will never change...

We fill two shopping bags with books, stuff and clothes (I took care to put my underwear in the back so that Yuu would not see them).

I then go back to my room and then to my house, checking if I did not forget anything that might be useful.

I do not live very far, but I might as well avoid going back and forth...

After that, as the machine is still running, we decide, both to keep ourselves busy and because it has to be done, to clean up.

To be honest, I decided to do the cleaning, and dragged Yuu, who is less than enthusiastic.I understand that said, we have already done some housework yesterday and before leaving, so to have to clean my house in addition ...

As no one has lived there for a good ten days, it is far from being dirty, but it simply needs to be vacuumed, and for the carpet, the curtains, and the windows to be cleaned.

"I guess we'll have to come back several times a month to do it again..."

Yuu sighs as he beats the carpet outside.

"Yup. This is important. Think of it as a special date!"

"I think I'll be away next week..."

"Refused!"

"The things I do for love..."

When I see his face, I give him a flick on the forehead.

"In any case, I want you to know that I'm happy you're doing it with me. It doesn't seem like much, but I sincerely cherish all these little moments we spend together."

"It sounds like a line from a movie... but I think, deep down, I agree with you..."

"Have I succeeded in converting you to the pleasure of housekeeping?"

"I wouldn't go that far."

"You will!"

Yuu finishes dusting the carpet, then takes it in and puts it back in the living room. I see him looking at the wall clock.

"It's almost over."

"Oh, yeah, the dryer? Coming!"

Without taking the time to breathe, we move out to empty the dryer drum, so we can get our stuff back.

We decide not to iron them now (especially because Yuu seems to be quite worn both physically and mentally). Instead, we stuff everything in bags, with the stuff I came to get.

Only then do we give ourselves a break. Before we know it, the sun has already turned red and is starting to set.

I ask Yuu, who looks like he is at the end of his life, to settle down on the couch: he asks no questions and lies down on it, closing his eyes as if he were taking a nap.

"Are you all right? You look pretty pale..."

"It's my natural colour..."

Yuu raises a thumb in the air.

"Seriously... I'm a little tired. I've been forced to clean two days in a row..."

"It speaks volumes about your stamina..."

While Yuu's giggling, I open a cupboard and get out the coffee maker.

Unlike Yuu's house, I have better equipment at home to do this.

Yuu only has an electric coffee machine at his house, while I have an Italian piston coffee maker here, which is known to make the best coffee.

I skillfully dose the grind at the bottom of the coffeemaker, place a filter in it and then boil the water.

While it heats up, I also take out two cups from another cupboard, while I look at Yuu, still slumped in the sofa.

Once the water is at the right temperature, I pour it into the coffee pot and stir the hot brown liquid every minute for four minutes.

Then, with surgical precision, I lower the plunger of the coffeepot to filter the divine drink, before pouring it into the cups.

Yuu, whom the aroma seems to have reanimated, has risen and is waiting for me, his golden eyes wide open.

I hand him his cup, then sit down beside him, to savour together this moment and this coffee.

He brings the cup to his lips, enjoys the hot steam for a few seconds, then takes a small sip.

"It's delicious..."

"Right?"

I imitate him, and enjoy the warmth flowing into my chest, and the delicately bitter taste of coffee.

"Thank you, Monika."

"You're welcome..."

Apart from our coffee puffs to cool it down a bit, no noise disturbs the quietness of the living room. In this residential area, at the end of weekends and holidays, there are no cars around.

My eyes slowly wander around the room, welcoming, warm, typical of a happy and peaceful family... with Yuu on my right, who seems lost in his thoughts.

I was not lying just now.

I cherish these simple moments, but so much more than anything else.

I try to remember everything, to make them a memory that I can relive later. I do this for every good moment I spend here, like a personal art gallery.

Before, I would have been happy to spend eternity with Yuu in the empty room of a game, staring at him forever.

I would never have dreamed of being able to share a cup of coffee with him in my living room, after doing chores together like the cliché of the perfect couple.

Things change so fast...

"Hey, Monika."

"Yes?"

Yuu takes me out of my reverie.

"Tonight... for the end of the holidays, I hear they're having a fireworks display nearby, with a festival. Would you like to go?"

I look at him, surprised.

"I... of course I would! But what about you? Will you be all right?"

"Of course I will."

"Well, then... maybe we should go home now, put our stuff down and get ready?"

"Well..."

He points at the clock.

"It's already half past six... I thought we could enjoy the festival together too. It's in the next park, so it's a twenty, thirty minute walk. If we go back and forth again, we'll lose an hour... wouldn't that be a waste?"

"Indeed..."

"It might be better to go straight there. The fireworks are at eleven o'clock... we'll just have to come back and sleep here."

"I remind you that school starts tomorrow..."

"That's okay. We've got all our stuff here, right?"

Indeed, since we took the opportunity to do our laundry here...

"But what about you? Your uniform, your stuff?"

"I'll drop by my house again tomorrow morning in a hurry, or I'll be late."

I frown.

"Are you going to start by being late on the first day?"

"That's fine!"

I am both exasperated and think that he has no problem at all getting into trouble just so we can enjoy our time together...

Nevertheless, I know the expression he has right now. He will not change his mind.

"All right... let's go!"

We do not feel it necessary to eat before we leave, because the festivals all have their own food.

Even though it is spring, the sun is fading quite quickly as it is almost seven o'clock in the evening. However, despite the darkness, the then deserted streets are full of people again.

Obviously, everyone is also heading towards the festival, whose noise and lights can be heard and seen as we go along.

It has been set up in a public park, with a configuration that is as simple as possible for the exhibitors: the stands are all lined up on the central aisle, which has been decorated for the occasion with lanterns.

It is difficult to make it simpler, you would think you were on a postcard: yet there is a fairy-tale atmosphere, full of excitement. In spite of the relative size of the festival, the whole neighbourhood came to see it: a good thousand people walk around the park, probably more.

There are of course many children, running from one playground stand to the next with a treat in hand, or trying to convince their parents to raise their pocket money just for tonight.

However, we see a lot of older people, who come to have fun and talk, or young couples.

Contrary to what one might think, few people here wear a yukata, one in three of them.

Yuu and I do not own one and wear casual outfits: t-shirt and pants for him, a light sweater and shorts for me.

"Well... where do we start?"

Gained by the excitement, I look around like a child at an amusement park. I want to miss anything, and try everything!

"Whatever you want, it's on me today, so treat yourself!"

Yuu hands me his wallet with a solemn gesture.

"I'll take you at your word!"

This is my first festival, so I give free rein to my desires.

I try absolutely every gaming booth, of all ages, having no shame in playing next to kids less than half my age.

If my attempt to catch goldfishes with a paper net is a resounding failure, I do a little better at throwing rings at prizes and win a small plastic pocket watch.

At least it tells the time correctly, which is better than nothing, but I have a feeling it will not last long...

I also try my luck at the lottery, but only win a consolation prize, a bag of candy that I share with Yuu.

My marksmanship at the shooting range is hampered, as my cork cannot reach the panda-shaped stuffed toy I am aiming at.

I try to make up for it with darts, but only manage to trigger the hilarity of a group of children watching me.

I then raid the food stalls, which are reputed to be as unhealthy as they are delicious, now that there are fewer people around.

I set my sights on choco bananas, candy apples, cotton candy, fried noodles, okonomiyaki cheese, and dango sticks.

This is not good for my waistline, but we rarely visit festivals, so I might as well treat myself!

Yuu, on his side, strangely is not participating at all and is content to observe, laughing, mocking, or congratulating me.

"You could enjoy it too... I feel a bit guilty about doing it all by myself, while you're just watching me. Besides, it's your money!"

I express my blame by handing him a cotton candy, which he graciously grasps.

There is nothing like a little candy after such an unbalanced meal: I can feel the skin on my belly tightening...

"I'm a little tired... and what makes me happy tonight is seeing you happy."

He does not look well. I realize it would be pointless to force him into this, and kiss him on the cheek, leaving a sweet impression.

"Thank you... but I owe you!"

"I doubt it..."

"That's mean!"

We resume our visit, and also take the opportunity to go window-shopping, try on masks, cardboard displays in the shape of monsters...

As a sanctuary is further in the park, there is also a small stand run by miko who offer to shoot divinations, the famous omikuji.

Normally, after making an offering, one receives a number to open a drawer, but as there is a large crowd, they have simplified the process here.

You only have to pay 100 yens to get an omikuji from a single large box held by a miko.

While I am eager to try, Yuu is reluctant to pull it out.

"I always shoot bad omens in this kind of thing. Even in games..."

"Don't be so defeatist!"

So I pull two instead, taking one for him, which I hold out to him in a strict tone, making him understand he has no choice.

With a resigned smile, he unrolls the little paper, while I do the same.

Great Blessing.

"Oh!"

According to the prediction, I have a Great Blessing in love, but also in marriage proposal. Quite amazing, and amusing, since we had a fake ceremony yesterday.

"So, what did you get?"

In response, I hand my paper to Yuu, who does the same.

"Ah..."

Yuu had a Great Curse regarding a wish, or a desire.

He has a look of displeasure on his face.

"I'm not surprised at the result..."

"No, you mustn't say that! Come on, let's go and hang it on a thread! It is said that it conjure bad luck!"

Once his bad omen hung with my others that have been drawn, I smile at him.

"I got a Great Blessing, so I'm sure I can share some of my luck with you!"

An announcement then goes out over the loudspeakers, that the fireworks will start in thirty minutes, at the park hill.

We follow in the footsteps of all those already heading there, forming a long procession. Fortunately the announcement was made in advance, as we trample through the crowd, advancing at a snail's pace.

The hill being quite a distance to the west, it takes us about twenty minutes to reach the place where the fireworks are set.

There are a lot of people, but fortunately there is room: many people are already waiting, sitting in the grass or on benches provided for the elderly or VIPs.

The park hill and its surroundings are plunged into darkness, only lit by the moon. To make the show more impressive, no lighting has been installed here.

We sit somehow in the grass, in the middle of groups of friends and family.

The air is filled with the noise of discussions, the cries of overexcited children. However, all become silent as one when the first rocket is fired.

The streak of light rises into the sky, then explodes into a giant blue flower, to the applause and cries of delight of the spectators.

Then follows a real festival: more fireworks take to the air, filling the sky with flowers of multicoloured lights, trails of coloured smoke, sparks and flames.

As I watch, my head resting on Yuu's shoulder, I tell myself that, whether you look at them from the front or from the side, the fireworks are wonderful.

The show goes on, illuminating the night and our amazed faces, while a faint smell of gunpowder can be noticed.

As a fireworks of Japanese flag colours, white and red, explode, I turn my head back towards Yuu.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?..."

My question makes him shudder, as if he were lost in another world.

"Yes..."

* * *

A few minutes later, the show ends with another standing ovation from the crowd. Then, quickly, people begin to get up and disperse.

The children are falling asleep, and the students are joking that it will be a rude wake-up call, as tomorrow is the first day of school.

Yuu took the opportunity to wipe his eyes, and he looks normal, although very pale, as if he was stunned. I did not pay attention, during this evening, as I was having fun, but... I hope he is not sick.

As on the outward journey, we are struggling to make our way through the mass of people returning to the exit of the park.

When we finally arrive in the aisle of the booths, which are in the process of packing up their installations, I decide to take a break so that Yuu can rest for a while.

I also spot a stand that still sells cold drinks to passers-by, and suggest we go there.

Drinking and sitting down for a few minutes will help him.

"Monika..."

"Yuu?"

"What time is it?"

"Uh... around midnight, I think..."

"But precisely?"

"Ah, wait."

I take the plastic pocket watch I won at the ring tossoing booth out of my pocket.

"Twenty to midnight, approximately."

"…"

"Why? Ah!"

Our discussion is interrupted as we come face to face with Yuri, dressed in an elegant pink yukata, sipping a bottle of lemonade she just bought. However, she has not combed her purple hair, which gives a strange but very refined result.

"Oh, good evening, Monika. Did you come to see the fireworks, too?"

"Good evening, Yuri! Yes, we came together!"

I laugh as I hold Yuu's arm.

"I didn't think I'd see you here, Yuri... I thought you'd prefer to read at home, quietly!"

"Well... yes, but I felt that you should also try new things from time to time."

"So do we! We didn't want to miss it!"

Yuri looks a little embarrassed, playing with one of her locks with her finger.

"Monika... you're... well, forgive me, but are you still acting like that?"

I can feel Yuu stiffening, for some inexplicable reason.

"What do you mean?"

"Well...pretending to be with someone in public? Or rather, having a boyfriend?"

"I don't get it?..."

And this is true. I do not understand what Yuri is saying. Yet she seems sincere and as confused as I am.

In order not to get into a misunderstanding, I decide to set the record straight.

"What do you mean, Yuri? I'm not making fun of you, I assure you. Could you explain to me, what do you think I'm doing?"

Yuri, seeing that I remain as calm and courteous as possible, acquiesces after one moment of perplexity.

"Well, if I understood well... you're pretending to be with someone? As performance art... pantomime?"

She puts her hand on her chin, looking for words.

"I mean... from the outside, it really looks like you're with someone, because you're pretending to hold an arm, you're talking into the void with such a realistic expression. Kind of like, you're trying to make us think there's someone with you, but only you can see them?"

"That..."

Yuri has an embarrassed smile.

"When we met in front of the mediatheque, with Natsuki, you really surprised us. We played along, because we didn't know how to react, but we wondered if you were serious, or if you were just trying to trick us..."

I am about to tell Yuri that I understand less and less, when a terrible doubt comes to me.

"Yuri... next to me, on my right... can't you see anything?"

Saying that, I turn to Yuu, whose face is blank.

Yuri looks in his direction, frowning.

"No, Monika. I can't see a thing. There's nothing there. Is this another performance? Are you training for a play?"

At the same time, Yuu breaks free and runs out of the park.

Confused, lost, I hesitate for half a second, then...

"Sorry! See you tomorrow!"

I greet Yuri, who looks at me with widened eyes, and set off in pursuit of Yuu.

While running, I still try to reconnect everything I heard, everything I thought I understood.

I run past the visitors who are still there, jostling some of them as I pass, apologizing, sometimes losing my footing, but always chasing Yuu. All I have to do is follow his back, from afar.

Little by little, the terrible doubt, which was only a foreboding, takes shape, as other elements come together.

Before I realized it, I walked out of the park, now orienting myself to the sound of Yuu's running noises resonating on the sidewalk.

I now walk through deserted alleys: my breath is short, my lungs and legs are on fire, and yet I keep running.

In my mind, one link after another is made, without me meaning to, and all of them lead me to the same conclusion.

As in my dream, what I dread the most is becoming more and more credible, more and more... real.

And finally, I find it, in front of a railway crossing, under a street lamp.

Around us, the night is dark, and seems cold, hard, whereas the heat was enveloping me a few minutes earlier.

Yuu, panting, sees me and remains silent, trying to catch his breath.

He is covered with sweat, but there are worse things. He's even paler than before, and his golden eyes shine with a disturbing glow.

I approach him, with a haggard step, and grasp him by the shoulders delicately, my face a few centimetres from his.

I hold him to make sure he will not escape.

Then I take a deep breath, to make sure I do not give up.

"Yuu... tell me it's not true. Tell me that..."

In spite of my resolution, I am unable to finish my sentence.

Yuu guessed what I meant, I can see it in his eyes.

And yet...

For all that it implies, for both of them...

Yet, he smiles.

"Say, Monika..."

A pitiful, miserable, laughable smile has blossomed on his face.

"Did you realize "I" was never truly here to begin with?"

I just do not know how to react.

Is this a joke? A misunderstanding? A dream?

I cannot accept it. I can only deny it.

"Yuu... what are you saying... you too... are in cahoots with Yuri, right? There's no such thing as a cliché where the hero disappears... you told me you're the main character, and the main characters always get away with it... You..."

"...should have told you sooner. But I haven't found the strength, the courage to do it. I didn't want to ruin your happiness. I wanted to live every moment with you, as if it were the last, without that shadow hanging over us. And the main character here isn't me, Monika. It's you."

Yuu's hands, soft as silk, touch my arms and make me let go.

"I have never existed in this world... except for you. I understood it very quickly, but it was enough to make me happy. I didn't care if I was invisible to everyone as long as you could see me. I didn't care if I was already gone, if I could spend even one week with you."

"One week?..."

"That's what I was given, when we woke up in this world. After all, look how everything has been built for us here. That we arrived just in time for the week of spring break, wasn't that a wonderful coincidence?"

As I try to process Yuu's words, I think my eyes are playing tricks on me.

Yuu begins to glow, with a yellow light, as if surrounded by a divine halo.

"Everything has been set up for me to meet you here. Nothing that is not related to me exists in the eyes of others."

But... Little by little, this halo seems to dissolve into particles of light, which evaporate, like fireflies.

As if Yuu's body is disintegrating, little by little...

He seems to realize it, too.

"But... the holidays are over for me. I hoped at first, that I was wrong. In the end, I was not granted that wish..."

Yuu bow his head.

"I don't have much time left, Monika. I'm... very sorry it has to end like this."

The truth is...

Yuu was never here.

He never belonged to this reality.

I was the only one, all this time, to see him, to feel him, to hear him.

All the times people looked at us strangely, all the strange situations we went through...

It was all because of the fact that everyone around us could not see him. No, see is not the right word.

He simply did not exist for them.

And now...

Yuu will disappear for good.

I cannot, I do not want to accept it. And yet, I also know that this is inevitable.

My nightmare will come true.

I will lose the one I love, the one I care about more than anything else in the world.

But he... he smiles.

He smiles, as he...

For a moment, I try to put myself in his shoes.

How would I react, if I knew I was going to disappear, and that I was going to lose the person most dear to me?

When I have just been reunited with her, when I have only spent eight days with her?

Could I stay calm?

Could I smile?

No.

I would be unable to.

Then why...

"Why are you smiling? Why aren't you... why aren't you... why?!"

I almost scream, but the words get stuck in my throat.

"Why am I not desperate, why am I not screaming, why am I not crying?..."

"…"

"When I realized what was waiting for me... I asked myself, why? Why give me hope, why give me a taste of happiness, only to deprive me of it?"

Yuu looks down and contemplates his hands, whose gleams continue to dance around him like butterflies.

"I thought... what cruel god played this trick on me? To reunite with you, to give me a life in this world... to finally take it all away?..."

He closes his hands and looks me in the eye.

"And then it hit me. I understood that this... this was your reality, Monika. This world is yours. And I was brought here. This time, I am the anomaly in this universe, not you."

"And you don't care?! You accept it anyway, without saying anything?! Does that mean you don't care about any of this? That you don't care about me?!"

Anger overcomes my grief. Because if I ignore it, I may not say anything. I might cry, I might let him go without a fight.

"If you are false... if you are an illusion in the eyes of this world... does that mean that the love you bear me... the love you swore to me is also an illusion?!"

I realize too late that my words have overtaken my thinking, because of despair, and how stupid what I just said is.

At that moment, I see tears in his eyes.

"No... our love is as real as anything else, Monika."

The glow that escapes from Yuu's body gets bigger. On the other hand, his body, his image, becomes blurred, paler.

"I wish I could have stayed longer with you. But my time... the magic of midnight will end."

(No. I can't accept this. I...)

"Yuu... stay with me. Don't leave me here... don't leave me alone. Please... don't go away..."

Yuu shakes his head gently and steps back a few steps.

"I realized, I was brought into this world for one reason. To make you happy, to give you happy memories, happy moments. Those same moments that you've been deprived of in the game... And now..."

I walk forward, with an uncertain step, trying to grab him, to hold him against me, to prevent him from leaving.

"Why? A miracle brought us together when we were apart... so why, why, another miracle wouldn't happen now?..."

Yuu, unlike me, manages to stay calm.

"...because miracles are possible in games, but not in the real world. Because I'm already dead, and the dead can't be with the living."

"!"

"But... even if I'm just an illusion. I want you to know, Monika, that I love you. More than anything. Even if I have to disappear..."

Yuu smiles again as tears flow down his cheeks from his golden eyes.

With his trembling smile, so forced that it is painful, so pitiful.

"I will love you for eternity."

"Yuu, I beg you, don't..."

I step forward and hug Yuu with all my strength.

But the moment I touch him.

Yuu's body explodes, without a sound, into a multitude of golden glows, which slowly evaporate into the air.

"Goodbye, Monika... and thank you."

These last words float in the air and resonate for half a second, before disappearing as well.

Unable to understand what has just happened, I fall to my knees, dazed.

"Yuu?..."

I try, with clumsy gestures, to catch the glimmers that still swirl around me, hoping to catch Yuu back.

"Hey... Yuu... it's not funny... come back, now..."

I whisper, in the night, alone.

"Yuu, I..."

After a few seconds, I realize that...

This is over.

Our Time together, our happiness, has come to an end and can no longer return.

"Haaa... haa... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhh!"

An inhuman cry comes out of my throat.

But there is no one to answer.

I am alone in this silent town.

* * *

_**Fin** _


	10. Epilogue

I do not know how much time I spent crying, collapsed on the ground, in the very place where Yuu left me.

Somehow, I got up again, driven by the thought of trying to see him again.

My footsteps led me, unconsciously, through the night and the silent city, to his house.

But when I arrived in front of it...

There was nothing there. There was no house, no construction, just an empty lot, for sale. And in spite of my grief, I truly understood, that Yuu had never really existed.

His house. His belongings. Everything related to him, disappeared with him... or rather, it never really existed.

It was just a setting for him to live here for eight days. His memories of this world, his parents, it was probably all fictional too.

Haggard, completely lost, I head, with nowhere else to go, towards my house.

The streets are deserted at this hour.

As I walk, my head down, my brain continues to think in spite of myself.

Many things that seemed strange to me make sense now. For one, all the situations where we were looked at strangely.

I thought it was because we were an unusual couple, but in truth it was just that in everyone's eyes I was alone.

Come to think of it, no one spoke to Yuu once. No one ever talked back to him... how could I have been so blind all this time?

Yet, I remember him. I remember every moment we spent together this week.

And that only makes it more painful.

I can no longer make fun of him.

I can no longer exchange verbal taunts with him, nor can I do tsukkomi.

I can no longer gaze into his eyes or snuggle up to him.

I can no longer tell him that I love him.

There is a hole in my chest that can never be filled.

Living in a world where Yuu is no more, is it still worth it?

I do not even know anymore, if I want to live without him.

The only thing that keeps me from wanting to follow him is the promise I made him.

("I promise I won't do anything stupid if anything happens to you, Monika.")

("I already knew that, silly. That goes for me too.")

He had it all set up from the beginning. He had planned everything.

If he did not care about his future either, it was because he knew he had none. And that, as he had told me, if he could not live on with me, then it did not make any sense.

From the beginning, he knew, he was running out of time.

He wanted to make as many memories with me as possible. He wanted to make me happy at all costs.

"Yuu... you don't need to tell me that sad story you've been hiding from me... I know it now..."

I do not know if my whisper can reach him, but I want to let him know that he has no reason to blame himself for breaking his promise.

Because I cannot imagine what it must have been like for him. What would be worse than knowing that you are going to disappear, when at the same time you are with the one you love?...

I keep asking myself, why was it that we were given the happiness of being together, only to be deprived of it afterwards.

"Yuu...I wanted to hold your hand longer. I wanted to continue dating you, drinking coffee with you..."

I miss all those moments that might have seemed insignificant, more than words can express.

I finally walk through the door of my house, with a heavy step, and turn on the light.

I take a look at the bags of stuff we have piled up near the door.

Of course, none of Yuu's things are in them anymore. All of them are gone.

I squeeze my lips and go into the living room.

I get closer to the sofa, almost expecting to see Yuu slumped on it.

But there is nothing...

...nothing?

I can see something on the couch.

An envelope.

Without even thinking about it, I grab it and open it.

Two things slip out: a photograph and a folded piece of paper.

My heart misses a beat as I recognize the photograph.

In front of an altar, under stained glass windows flooded with light, a couple of young students pose.

One, with coral hair, a veil and a wedding dress fitting her size perfectly, smiles radiantly.

The other, dressed in a white suit too loose for him, a rose in the breast pocket, looks a little uncomfortable, but smiles as well. His golden eyes even stand out in this photo.

"...Yuu..."

I thought I left the photograph at Yuu's house. Since she had disappeared, I thought I had lost the photograph too.

I lose myself in contemplation of his face, and I feel my heart tightening, in memory of the happiness I had felt that day.

"But how could I..."

There is nothing left of Yuu in this world except my memories. But this picture, did not belong to Yuu.

Maybe... only I can see Yuu in this picture. After all, during our mock wedding, the receptionist probably could not see him,nor the photographer.

That explains why he had to "borrow" a suit too big for him, with no one to help him choose.

I feel like hugging his face against my heart, but I also feel like tearing this photograph.

"Why, leave it to me? To make me suffer?..."

I pick up the paper that fell on the floor, when I opened the envelope and unfold it.

"!..."

I instantly recognize Yuu's handwriting.

_Monika,_

_At the moment I am writing this letter, you are downstairs, preparing lunch._

_I am sorry for doing this behind your back._

_Today is the last day I spend here, with you, in this world._

_Since nobody can see me, and given the setup or our story… I think I will disappear from this world tonight, when our vacations end._

_If I am wrong, I will destroy this letter. In the contrary… you are probably reading it right now._

_I realized that I did not belong here, when I remembered my own death, in the old world, the very day we had our first date._

_I know that my brother eventually snapped and killed me, when I returned to visit my mother one day._

_At that time, I had already began to work on this chat program to talk with you._

_I could not achieve it, but a miracle, or something allowed me to do it in another existence, so I could meet you and be reunited with you._

_And we were even given the chance to spend Our Time here, together. A short time… to me, and probably to you as well._

_I could not tell you about this sooner. I did not want to inflict you this pain, this fear… so I kept my mouth shut. I am sorry._

_Even if my memories of this new world are fake… even if my life is a lie, even if my existence itself is an illusion…_

_My love for you, our love, was true and genuine. I am absolutely sure of that._

_These days we spent together were the happiest of my life. I was truly happy with you._

_Everything that was linked to me, will also disappear when I am gone._

_But I hope this letter will remain… I hope, the miracle that brought us here will at least grant me this wish, as it did not allow me to live with you longer._

_I also have one wish, a selfish wish to ask of you._

_As I told you, Monika, this is your reality. You are real, in this world, not me._

_It means, you have endless possibilities: things you can do, enjoy._

_The book we wrote together will maybe become famous._

_You will maybe move out in another town, another country._

_You will maybe fall in love with someone else. I do not want this, even though it is so selfish from me. But I do not want to be a burden, an hindrance to you in your new life._

_So here is my wish…_

_Please forget me._

_Lastly,_

_Thank you for all this happiness._

_I will always love you, even if I am not in this world anymore._

_\- Yuu_

I read the letter over and over again.

Drop, drop.

My tears fall on it, creating wet spots, absorbed by the paper.

I wipe my eyes, but the tears do not stop.

"What an idiot..."

Does he really think I can just forget about him like that? Because he asks me to?...

With a trembling hand, I look at the photograph and Yuu's face, smiling.

"You idiot... I won't let you leave... you're mine, and I'm yours."

Even as love and sorrow swirl around inside me, I make my decision.

"I'll love you for eternity, Yuu. And I'll wait here for another miracle to bring you back to me..."

I caress with a trembling finger his golden eyes on the picture I am holding.

"Our Time together... is not over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you write stories, you know reading your own work rarely touches you.
> 
> But when I translated these last chapters, trying to keep the same amount of feels I put into them... I really had a knot in my stomach.
> 
> Again, thank you for following this story, I hope you liked it as much as I liked to write it.
> 
> Do not hesitate to give me feedback! It is much appreciated!
> 
> "Did you realize "I" was never truly here to begin with?"
> 
> This line is from the song "Ghost Rule". And it is the origin of this story, or at least, the 9 chapters after the first one where the player is reunited with Monika.
> 
> I was re-listening to this song, a few months ago, when I learned that the mod "Our Time" was discontinued. The mix of sadness, disappointment and this line inspired me. Within a few minutes, I knew how this story would go on and how it would end.
> 
> What if, Monika and the player were reunited, with a limited time?
> 
> What if, Monika was not the abnormality here, but the player instead?
> 
> How would it be, if the player was invisible, non-existent to everyone else, excepted Monika? And what kind of situations, dialogs, would make it so neither Monika nor the reader would notice?
> 
> I hope I managed to keep the surprise until the end; if you are interested, just go read the story from scratch, considering Yuu never existed to other people's eyes (maybe I made mistakes though hahaha).
> 
> Just another note, for people asking if Yuu as invisible, and what kind of problem it could create: like, would people see clothes float in the air, food being eaten by an invisible person, and so on?...
> 
> My answer is: Yuu is non-existent and everything related to him also is. What he touches also becomes "non-existent".
> 
> Example: If Yuu touches something, then this thing also becomes non-existent. People will not notice it, and even if it "reappears", it will not cause them to be bugged by it.
> 
> A good example of this would be the girl in "Three Days of Happiness" (excellent novel and manga). Of course, in the story, Yuu is aware of that and tries as much as possible to let Monika interact with other people or order things.


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